Who: Fever, Helena, and those threading with them What:January non-event things. When: All month. Where: Across the isle. Warning(s): To be noted in threads individually
Mourner's Night has come and gone, and Valdis's sending stone hums with a message, one Fever's all too happy to send.
"Please tell me you're not trapped at work. I have to see you."
Even over the rock, there's a warmth in her voice, excitement peeking through. Sure, she could share her news like this, but she'd rather bring herself, and let Valdis perceive it. Like this, Fever feels like she could do anything, even glide through the space that the Enforcers use without a twinge of her nerves.
No. Valdis isn't at work when Fever calls her over the sending stone, she's been at home, waiting for her partner to contact her for several agonizing hours. She felt every moment, and it took all her self control to not abandon what she was doing and hunt Fever and the others down. But she knew that if Fever had wanted her there, she would have asked.
She can feel, even now, that Fever is lighter, the sound of her voice, the feel of her soul, currently farther from her than she would like, but all points to good news. News that she should hear from Fever's own lips instead of assuming or trying to figure it out herself. Empathy can only get someone so far and she wants Fever to relate it all to her in her own words.
She knows that Valdis knew what was happening - not the intimate details, but the energy of it, much like overhearing something you cannot see, cannot make out clearly. Far enough to remain obscure, and in need of a messenger to bring the news.
And Fever keeps her word, not wasting any more time on the call. She's coming, she's coming, and while she never will cease living in chaos, something that was muted and dulled has been brought back to brightness. Life, strong and steady in her veins, as much as it was yesterday and the day before. She's well. She's perfectly well, in spite of every worry and misgiving and moment of stress they had, everything that could have gone wrong.
"Valdis!"
She calls when she's near the outside of the house in lieu of stepping up to knock, knowing her partner will be able to sense that she's nearby. Open the door, it's still chilly today.
It takes a lot to break the poise she embodies with every breath, but the mere sight of Fever, alive, well, still the same, but also somehow so much more than she had once been, causes Valdis to throw all her careful masking aside. She pulls Fever to her, drawing her into a kiss, one filled with all the relief, joy and happiness she holds for the woman she loves.
What she gives in return is gentleness, something that once felt so foreign but now feels necessary, possible. Even when she breaks it, she brings their foreheads together, letting her take in some of the changes. There is room to breathe - fitful emotions that barely managed to coexist can now flow, and above all, a deep and serene sense of relief. What would try and whisper hatred with every breath has been removed - not merely unbound but uprooted, and in its place, something that actually has a chance to grow and flower if not fed solely on blood.
It worked. It worked. And she could dance, she could sing, she could run across the entire island with the strength of this joy.
As the kiss breaks and they stand in silence, as they have done so many times before, with their foreheads pressed together, Valdis reaches out to explore the soul she knows so well. Gently, carefully. It's exhilarating to be feel the lightness, the joy, the beautiful freedom she's been wishing for Fever since they met. The rage that always simmered and the lingering lust to spill blood have vanished, replaced with a happiness she hopes to one day feel for herself.
"I can't feel him anymore," she whispers. "You're free."
A fitting end for that fragment, that ghost that was haunting her and keeping that connection open. Now there is uncertainty, where there was a direct path of what he wanted, and yet Fever revels in it. Trading a set end of despair for potential, for choice, for the chance to keep forging her own path. She will still be violent, she will still be capable of all she was, but now it ends when she chooses it to. Now she can stay her hand, or commit.
"And I feel so much, and I don't know whether I want to laugh or weep or lie down in the snow and kiss the ground. Everything is different."
And yet, beneath all that difference, it’s still her Fever and the fears she had kept hidden never needed to be thought of in the first place. She’s here, she’s free for the first time in her life, free to finally feel what she wants to feel, to explore everything life has to offer her without the violent intrusive thoughts. Without the headache. Without worrying she will hurt those she cares about.
As happy as this all makes her, she still remembers the feeling of him trying to tear Fever away from her. Well, not just from her, but from life, from Pumpkin Hollow, from everyone who loves her.
She’ll need to thank Mortanne.
“You can do anything you want to do. That’s what being free means.”
What headaches come, they'll be physical, not a punishment for disobedience. What thoughts cross her mind, they will not enter her hands unless she makes a decision. The lifting of such a weight off her spirit and soul leaves her light, and she laughs, full of too much joy to restrain it.
"I can actually consider what a future means." One more chuckle. "Though, for the nearest future, let me step inside and not let all the warmth out of the house."
Neither of them will freeze, but she wants to step in and embrace Valdis properly.
She pulls Fever into the house. The fire is crackling in the fireplace, Ava and Shasta are curled up in front of it, but Anani is making his way over to wind around their legs before they can get too far into the house. Valdis closes the door, trapping the heat back inside.
"Come on, we can sit on the sofa in front of the fire with the girls and...tea?"
Now that Fever doesn't feel as if she will snuff out the light she wants to stand in, do they really just go back to how things were before? Or would things be different now?
Such questions linger even if they had just kissed on the porch in the freezing weather.
It's their ritual, after all, and even before she starts to pull off her coat, she bends down to stroke the cat, a little hello in his language to know he's been properly admired and adored before the others attend to their business. And then the rest is as easy as it's ever been, to hang her things and go to the sofa, basking in the warmth that the fire offers.
Maybe it's just her own perception, but she could swear that she exists more in the present moment like this. The comfort, the calm, the perfect picture of the girls napping by the fire. It's a marvel, and she doesn't think it'll ever stop.
The moment Fever had called her, she had set about making the tea. She chose something rich, flavorful and earthy for today, a tea that feels warm in addition to actually being warm. It's almost finished steeping, so she grabs the teacups from the cupboard as well as the sugar cubes.
Anani accepts the tribute and makes his way back to the fire, tail high in the air as if he owns the place. He snuggles up next to Ava, purring madly while the doglike creature ignores him.
"Please take a seat, I'll bring the tea over in a moment."
She needs no further invitation to come and sit, stretching out her hands towards the fire and letting the warmth chase away any chill. Fever thinks, as she waits, she's almost never felt this calm in this house before.
Except, of course, when Valdis was deliberately soothing her, but it's nice to feel it on her own. Being able to bring peace instead of chaos inside. She watches the pets, and feels no need to do anything other than to wait, and to smile at Valdis when she sees her again.
Valdis settles into the rhythm she knows so well, putting the teacups on a tray with the pot along with some cookies from Max. She carries it to the couch, like she always does, but pauses partway there, knowing that this isn't like always. Fever sits with a contentment and peace that she never had before, even when she was able to relax there had always been something sharp about her that has softened.
She continues her way to the couch, setting the tray on the coffee table, pouring the tea into the cups before taking a seat next to Fever.
"I am happy. It feels like....I've been struggling to breathe for years and years, and now I actually can. It's so easy."
Valdis is near, and Fever chooses to shift so that she's right next to her, able to rest her head on the other woman's shoulder. Which she does, seeking the physical contact in much the same way as Anani might demand more pets.
"Didn't realize how much space he took up in me until he was gone. Maybe that's why it was hard to fit in my own skin. Not enough space for me, when there was someone else there, unless I was small and fit myself around him."
The description of how Fever felt as the part of her that wasn't truly her took up so much space she had to make herself fit explained so much of the tension in the woman's soul. It's not a feeling she knows for herself, but she can feel in Fever just how much of an impact it has had.
"That would drive anyone mad."
Like a painful abscess, filled with something poisonous with nowhere to go. It must have hurt so much more than Fever let her feel, not that her empathy has been particularly hard on her what with the vastness of this space.
She'll never know if she was always like this, or if she was ever sweet, free of blood and terror. If she ever touched things without leaving foul handprints on them. If her name was a good thing to be called.
"...I've been mad since you met me, Valdis. I always will be. There's no life in which I'm not. This much, I know for certain."
For a long moment, she just sits there, before pulling herself back up to take a cup of the tea. The warmth in her hands is welcome, and she sips the tea, appreciating the flavor for itself before reaching to add a sugar cube. There. Now it's perfect.
"Did you feel anything, when it happened? I don't know if you would have, but..."
They sit in silence a little too long, she didn't expect this to be so awkward. She picks up her own tea when Fever sits up, adding a sugar cube of her own and idly swirling the tea around to dissolve it.
"I felt everything...It took all of my self control to stop myself from hunting you all down. I knew I wouldn't be able to help, probably would have just gotten in the way, and I knew if you wanted me there, you would have asked."
"I had to do it on my own. That was part of it. I didn't know precisely what was coming, but I could only bring myself. That I knew for a while."
Her expression twists, in a what can you do expression, but Valdis will know that a flicker of resignation runs through her at expressing that. To unwind one's own fate is not an easy task.
"I know. I'm not offended. It was for the best that I wasn't there, and I know some things you have to do yourself."
Tiamat may have been silent for the better part of a year, but that doesn't mean she isn't there, who knows how the goddess would have reacted to the ceremony, or Mortanne or Sheo. Not to mention how much she herself could have ruined by not understanding the ceremony.
For a second, Fever's quiet, contemplating her words, before she forms them in the right shape for her response.
"Having all this space now within me is a good thing, it's what I wanted, but...it also shows me the true breadth of everything I lack. It will take more work than I thought to fill in all the gaps. Make me less...empty. There's so little of me, compared to someone else."
Taking another drink of the tea, she settles into her place next to Valdis.
"And I wonder if the me in the past ever realized how little of herself there actually was."
Their shared blood, that promise. You are me. To not forget each other.
Valdis leans into Fever, understanding how the woman feels perhaps more than she realizes.
"I have lived many lives, none of them my own, and the one before here was at the mercy of someone who didn't know what living was. It's not easy, but we can figure it out together."
"Yes. And I'm looking forward to it. There's so much we'll get to experience for ourselves, as ourselves. And at least you'll know you're not the only one stumbling through it all when everyone else seems to get it without trying."
The hand that's not holding her cup reaches for Valdis's own, to press it.
"I even thought about renaming myself, to commemorate my liberation."
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december.
"Please tell me you're not trapped at work. I have to see you."
Even over the rock, there's a warmth in her voice, excitement peeking through. Sure, she could share her news like this, but she'd rather bring herself, and let Valdis perceive it. Like this, Fever feels like she could do anything, even glide through the space that the Enforcers use without a twinge of her nerves.
no subject
She can feel, even now, that Fever is lighter, the sound of her voice, the feel of her soul, currently farther from her than she would like, but all points to good news. News that she should hear from Fever's own lips instead of assuming or trying to figure it out herself. Empathy can only get someone so far and she wants Fever to relate it all to her in her own words.
"I'm at home, been waiting for you."
no subject
She knows that Valdis knew what was happening - not the intimate details, but the energy of it, much like overhearing something you cannot see, cannot make out clearly. Far enough to remain obscure, and in need of a messenger to bring the news.
And Fever keeps her word, not wasting any more time on the call. She's coming, she's coming, and while she never will cease living in chaos, something that was muted and dulled has been brought back to brightness. Life, strong and steady in her veins, as much as it was yesterday and the day before. She's well. She's perfectly well, in spite of every worry and misgiving and moment of stress they had, everything that could have gone wrong.
"Valdis!"
She calls when she's near the outside of the house in lieu of stepping up to knock, knowing her partner will be able to sense that she's nearby. Open the door, it's still chilly today.
no subject
It takes a lot to break the poise she embodies with every breath, but the mere sight of Fever, alive, well, still the same, but also somehow so much more than she had once been, causes Valdis to throw all her careful masking aside. She pulls Fever to her, drawing her into a kiss, one filled with all the relief, joy and happiness she holds for the woman she loves.
Words can happen later.
no subject
It worked. It worked. And she could dance, she could sing, she could run across the entire island with the strength of this joy.
no subject
"I can't feel him anymore," she whispers. "You're free."
no subject
A fitting end for that fragment, that ghost that was haunting her and keeping that connection open. Now there is uncertainty, where there was a direct path of what he wanted, and yet Fever revels in it. Trading a set end of despair for potential, for choice, for the chance to keep forging her own path. She will still be violent, she will still be capable of all she was, but now it ends when she chooses it to. Now she can stay her hand, or commit.
"And I feel so much, and I don't know whether I want to laugh or weep or lie down in the snow and kiss the ground. Everything is different."
But it's a difference she's needed.
no subject
As happy as this all makes her, she still remembers the feeling of him trying to tear Fever away from her. Well, not just from her, but from life, from Pumpkin Hollow, from everyone who loves her.
She’ll need to thank Mortanne.
“You can do anything you want to do. That’s what being free means.”
no subject
"I can actually consider what a future means." One more chuckle. "Though, for the nearest future, let me step inside and not let all the warmth out of the house."
Neither of them will freeze, but she wants to step in and embrace Valdis properly.
no subject
She pulls Fever into the house. The fire is crackling in the fireplace, Ava and Shasta are curled up in front of it, but Anani is making his way over to wind around their legs before they can get too far into the house. Valdis closes the door, trapping the heat back inside.
"Come on, we can sit on the sofa in front of the fire with the girls and...tea?"
Now that Fever doesn't feel as if she will snuff out the light she wants to stand in, do they really just go back to how things were before? Or would things be different now?
Such questions linger even if they had just kissed on the porch in the freezing weather.
no subject
It's their ritual, after all, and even before she starts to pull off her coat, she bends down to stroke the cat, a little hello in his language to know he's been properly admired and adored before the others attend to their business. And then the rest is as easy as it's ever been, to hang her things and go to the sofa, basking in the warmth that the fire offers.
Maybe it's just her own perception, but she could swear that she exists more in the present moment like this. The comfort, the calm, the perfect picture of the girls napping by the fire. It's a marvel, and she doesn't think it'll ever stop.
no subject
Anani accepts the tribute and makes his way back to the fire, tail high in the air as if he owns the place. He snuggles up next to Ava, purring madly while the doglike creature ignores him.
"Please take a seat, I'll bring the tea over in a moment."
no subject
Except, of course, when Valdis was deliberately soothing her, but it's nice to feel it on her own. Being able to bring peace instead of chaos inside. She watches the pets, and feels no need to do anything other than to wait, and to smile at Valdis when she sees her again.
no subject
She continues her way to the couch, setting the tray on the coffee table, pouring the tea into the cups before taking a seat next to Fever.
"You feel happy."
no subject
Valdis is near, and Fever chooses to shift so that she's right next to her, able to rest her head on the other woman's shoulder. Which she does, seeking the physical contact in much the same way as Anani might demand more pets.
"Didn't realize how much space he took up in me until he was gone. Maybe that's why it was hard to fit in my own skin. Not enough space for me, when there was someone else there, unless I was small and fit myself around him."
no subject
"That would drive anyone mad."
Like a painful abscess, filled with something poisonous with nowhere to go. It must have hurt so much more than Fever let her feel, not that her empathy has been particularly hard on her what with the vastness of this space.
"I'm glad you can breathe again."
no subject
She'll never know if she was always like this, or if she was ever sweet, free of blood and terror. If she ever touched things without leaving foul handprints on them. If her name was a good thing to be called.
"...I've been mad since you met me, Valdis. I always will be. There's no life in which I'm not. This much, I know for certain."
no subject
She turns her head to kiss the top of Fever's head, happy with the contact, but concerned that Fever might think she's being dismissive.
"I'm saying it's not your fault."
no subject
For a long moment, she just sits there, before pulling herself back up to take a cup of the tea. The warmth in her hands is welcome, and she sips the tea, appreciating the flavor for itself before reaching to add a sugar cube. There. Now it's perfect.
"Did you feel anything, when it happened? I don't know if you would have, but..."
That tie they share, after all.
no subject
"I felt everything...It took all of my self control to stop myself from hunting you all down. I knew I wouldn't be able to help, probably would have just gotten in the way, and I knew if you wanted me there, you would have asked."
no subject
Her expression twists, in a what can you do expression, but Valdis will know that a flicker of resignation runs through her at expressing that. To unwind one's own fate is not an easy task.
no subject
Tiamat may have been silent for the better part of a year, but that doesn't mean she isn't there, who knows how the goddess would have reacted to the ceremony, or Mortanne or Sheo. Not to mention how much she herself could have ruined by not understanding the ceremony.
"I know you are happy, but you seem...sad too."
no subject
"Having all this space now within me is a good thing, it's what I wanted, but...it also shows me the true breadth of everything I lack. It will take more work than I thought to fill in all the gaps. Make me less...empty. There's so little of me, compared to someone else."
Taking another drink of the tea, she settles into her place next to Valdis.
"And I wonder if the me in the past ever realized how little of herself there actually was."
Their shared blood, that promise. You are me. To not forget each other.
no subject
"I have lived many lives, none of them my own, and the one before here was at the mercy of someone who didn't know what living was. It's not easy, but we can figure it out together."
no subject
The hand that's not holding her cup reaches for Valdis's own, to press it.
"I even thought about renaming myself, to commemorate my liberation."
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