Who: Fever, Helena, and those threading with them What:January non-event things. When: All month. Where: Across the isle. Warning(s): To be noted in threads individually
They sit in silence a little too long, she didn't expect this to be so awkward. She picks up her own tea when Fever sits up, adding a sugar cube of her own and idly swirling the tea around to dissolve it.
"I felt everything...It took all of my self control to stop myself from hunting you all down. I knew I wouldn't be able to help, probably would have just gotten in the way, and I knew if you wanted me there, you would have asked."
"I had to do it on my own. That was part of it. I didn't know precisely what was coming, but I could only bring myself. That I knew for a while."
Her expression twists, in a what can you do expression, but Valdis will know that a flicker of resignation runs through her at expressing that. To unwind one's own fate is not an easy task.
"I know. I'm not offended. It was for the best that I wasn't there, and I know some things you have to do yourself."
Tiamat may have been silent for the better part of a year, but that doesn't mean she isn't there, who knows how the goddess would have reacted to the ceremony, or Mortanne or Sheo. Not to mention how much she herself could have ruined by not understanding the ceremony.
For a second, Fever's quiet, contemplating her words, before she forms them in the right shape for her response.
"Having all this space now within me is a good thing, it's what I wanted, but...it also shows me the true breadth of everything I lack. It will take more work than I thought to fill in all the gaps. Make me less...empty. There's so little of me, compared to someone else."
Taking another drink of the tea, she settles into her place next to Valdis.
"And I wonder if the me in the past ever realized how little of herself there actually was."
Their shared blood, that promise. You are me. To not forget each other.
Valdis leans into Fever, understanding how the woman feels perhaps more than she realizes.
"I have lived many lives, none of them my own, and the one before here was at the mercy of someone who didn't know what living was. It's not easy, but we can figure it out together."
"Yes. And I'm looking forward to it. There's so much we'll get to experience for ourselves, as ourselves. And at least you'll know you're not the only one stumbling through it all when everyone else seems to get it without trying."
The hand that's not holding her cup reaches for Valdis's own, to press it.
"I even thought about renaming myself, to commemorate my liberation."
Yes. Those words should be more comforting than they are. Fever now has the opportunity to make her own life as she wants, but Valdis can't break free from her own fate. Even if it were possible to, she's not sure she would take the opportunity as easily as she once believed.
"...I'm keeping it. It did its best to hang on even when everything else was gone. I can't discredit that. But I want to add a last name, maybe a middle name too. I'll still be me, but there'll just be more of me. Filling up some of that space."
A little more complete. A little more like a regular person, if she's to be frank.
Valdis squeezes Fever's hand. She could have changed her own name if she wished, and she had, many times, but those were all an act, just someone to pretend to be. She had chosen to use the name Valdis, even with everything it entailed. She's glad Fever has chosen to do the same, but even if she hadn't, Valdis would support her.
New names, new goals...there's nothing holding Fever back now. Part of her is jealous. It sounds so wonderful to be free, but she would have to give things up that she is unwilling to lose.
"Gives me even more of a reason to work towards tearing this barrier down. There's an entire world out there I'd like to get to know about before I get too much older."
And promising Linette they'd shove the chaos god back into whatever hole he crawled out of contributes a little as well.
"What's the first thing you want to do, when it's gone?"
Yes, an entire new world, for the first time since her own home, which had never really been a home in a the first place. Her home was with Max, and Miles and Fever and the pets. Wherever they were was where she wanted to be.
And yet, she has never been one to settle down.
"I don't know. The rest of this world could be in a different time, it may not even exist. Aster said it was scooped away, but we don't know from what or how long ago it really was. The citizens say one thing, but Paradesium another. I cannot make a choice without more information. Besides I have to take the others into account."
She assumes she will leave Marrow Isle, but if the others don't...she's not sure what she will choose.
She hums thoughtfully, considering such grand ideas as the rest of this world could be in a different time, and sets them aside. This world has to exist, to her. There's just not a doubt there.
"Whatever you decide, you know I'll support you. Whatever you want to do, wherever you want to go. If one of us ends up traveling, I'll write. Or just pop into your head on occasion, if our tie would allow it."
"I don't know how far our mental bond will reach, but I will always know if you are alive and if your soul is nearby."
The idea that they may part isn't a happy thought, but she can't expect Fever to stay with her forever, she doesn't want to be a cage to the woman who just found freedom. Of course she knows Fever doesn't want the same for her.
"I would love to hear about your adventures, if not join you on them."
"Oh, I can't imagine I'll be able to resist going on adventures with you."
She tips her head, thinking about what adventures they might go on, and how much food Max will have upon her return to him. Her thoughts return to the moment with Fever's question.
"Well, it's our souls, not our minds, but yes, you can."
"In the soul way," she amends, before focusing, and trying to convey her message.
Where before, when she tried to express her emotions to Valdis, she had been more hesitant, today it feels closer to taking the other woman by the hand and leading her on a walk. Side by side, instead of so far. More of an ease, gliding past what they know - the fondness, her worries, that solid determination that whatever she needs, Fever would be there. And then pulling back a curtain, and letting some more light into the place, and they both see what has grown there. Something in its very own shape, difficult to describe, but sturdy all the same, approached as gently as spring rain might fall on a field.
Fever's voice, mellow and easy.
I understand it all a little more now. I understand what makes you my dearest friend. Though I like the word you use better, partner. Makes me think about how much I trust you, and how much you trust me. That we chose to do so, and that we still do.
Valdis lets the walls fall to allow Fever to share what she wants to share. At first, it's nothing she doesn't already know, but slowly it shifts into something different.
Something beautiful. Something soft. Something sturdy. Something not easily broken.
Valdis leans against Fever, closing her eyes so she can just feel what her partner is sharing with her.
Part of me worried you would shy away from me now that you are free, because to me...you have been the light, but now I understand that we are the light for each other. We both know what it is like to be violent, but we both also know how to be soft.
That word still feels hard for her, hard to use and control, but she knows Valdis understands. It's her own hangups, and nothing the other woman has done. Something that time can ease, and time they have in abundance.
In lieu of a immediate response aloud, she gently squeezes Valdis's hand, letting herself relax more. The vulnerability she offers is as solid a response as anything else, allowing her feelings to ebb and flow, fearing no judgement. No walls, no weapons. Simply herself, and trusting in this house to hold her, in the presence of her partner at her side.
Just because I can breathe free air doesn't mean I want to shy away. I'm not your girlfriend, but that's no reason to doubt what I've said about you and my future. But it's a tease, nothing more, full of mirth - the sensation of sunlight glittering on water. If anything, you can know I mean it all the more, without needing to live with your blade near my throat. Building a future means I can choose who is in it simply because I want them there.
If she must grow and fill space, then let at least some of that space be people to keep close, who support her, who will come if she says but a word. Let Valdis fill space, knowing it was set aside just for her.
The fact that Fever doesn't say it in return doesn't bother her any more now than it did before. Things don't change overnight, freedom doesn't equal healing. Fever will need time and space to explore her new reality, but it's clear that there is still room for her in that new reality and really...that's all she needed to know.
I won't lie to you, I know I promised to stop you...but I never intended to do that at the cost of your life. Foolish perhaps, but I stopped Daisy's rampage without killing her, so I believe I could have done the same with you.
It still gives her a thrill and a joy she's not certain she will ever escape. The beauty of being powerful is not something one forgets so easily.
I want you to be in my future just as much as my present...so I'm glad you are free, and I want to take up space in your new future.
Valdis hums to fill the silence as Anani chooses to leave the fireplace for Fever's lap, jumping up on the couch and nudging their hands out of the way, leading her hum to become a small laugh.
I don't need someone to tell me I could defeat them, I'm well aware I'm one of the more dangerous inhabitants of this island, but I am happy I will never need to be dangerous to you.
She sighs as the cat begins purring in Fever's lap.
Anani deciding that he can no longer tolerate being left out of the equation makes Fever laugh too, drawn as all people are to give pets when a small animal decides you are worthy of being sat upon. And it's pleasant, very much so. Comfort given without the frisson of fear that used to inhabit her when touching something smaller than herself, knowing they're safe in her hands. Soft, warm, the subtle vibrations of his purring under her fingertips, all wonderful sensations.
And to think, she used to not understand why people were so inclined to have pets.
Still a relief to know that if the very worst came to pass, you could pull me out of it.
But at least for now, that seems nearly impossible. How can she dwell on such things when she's here now, sharing in her joy and letting herself be cared about?
Anani settles in Fever's lap, continuing to purr softly and knead her legs with his paws, pleased to be receiving attention. Valdis strokes his head once and then settles closer to Fever, bringing her tea to her lips to take a slow sip.
Hopefully it is a relief we will never need to feel.
She leans her head against Fever's, falling silent in both thought and body, happy to just sit here with her partner and her pets.
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no subject
"I felt everything...It took all of my self control to stop myself from hunting you all down. I knew I wouldn't be able to help, probably would have just gotten in the way, and I knew if you wanted me there, you would have asked."
no subject
Her expression twists, in a what can you do expression, but Valdis will know that a flicker of resignation runs through her at expressing that. To unwind one's own fate is not an easy task.
no subject
Tiamat may have been silent for the better part of a year, but that doesn't mean she isn't there, who knows how the goddess would have reacted to the ceremony, or Mortanne or Sheo. Not to mention how much she herself could have ruined by not understanding the ceremony.
"I know you are happy, but you seem...sad too."
no subject
"Having all this space now within me is a good thing, it's what I wanted, but...it also shows me the true breadth of everything I lack. It will take more work than I thought to fill in all the gaps. Make me less...empty. There's so little of me, compared to someone else."
Taking another drink of the tea, she settles into her place next to Valdis.
"And I wonder if the me in the past ever realized how little of herself there actually was."
Their shared blood, that promise. You are me. To not forget each other.
no subject
"I have lived many lives, none of them my own, and the one before here was at the mercy of someone who didn't know what living was. It's not easy, but we can figure it out together."
no subject
The hand that's not holding her cup reaches for Valdis's own, to press it.
"I even thought about renaming myself, to commemorate my liberation."
no subject
Power is necessary.
Valdis smiles, taking the hand reaching for hers.
"Oh? And what have you decided?"
no subject
A little more complete. A little more like a regular person, if she's to be frank.
no subject
"And what names are you considering?"
no subject
One of them, she knows already. But the other? She'll have to ask. See if he knows anything fitting.
no subject
New names, new goals...there's nothing holding Fever back now. Part of her is jealous. It sounds so wonderful to be free, but she would have to give things up that she is unwilling to lose.
no subject
And promising Linette they'd shove the chaos god back into whatever hole he crawled out of contributes a little as well.
"What's the first thing you want to do, when it's gone?"
no subject
And yet, she has never been one to settle down.
"I don't know. The rest of this world could be in a different time, it may not even exist. Aster said it was scooped away, but we don't know from what or how long ago it really was. The citizens say one thing, but Paradesium another. I cannot make a choice without more information. Besides I have to take the others into account."
She assumes she will leave Marrow Isle, but if the others don't...she's not sure what she will choose.
no subject
"Whatever you decide, you know I'll support you. Whatever you want to do, wherever you want to go. If one of us ends up traveling, I'll write. Or just pop into your head on occasion, if our tie would allow it."
Visit, if one of them ended up moving.
no subject
"I don't know how far our mental bond will reach, but I will always know if you are alive and if your soul is nearby."
The idea that they may part isn't a happy thought, but she can't expect Fever to stay with her forever, she doesn't want to be a cage to the woman who just found freedom. Of course she knows Fever doesn't want the same for her.
"I would love to hear about your adventures, if not join you on them."
no subject
She chuckles, then pauses as something comes to her.
"Can I share something with you? In the mind way."
no subject
She tips her head, thinking about what adventures they might go on, and how much food Max will have upon her return to him. Her thoughts return to the moment with Fever's question.
"Well, it's our souls, not our minds, but yes, you can."
no subject
Where before, when she tried to express her emotions to Valdis, she had been more hesitant, today it feels closer to taking the other woman by the hand and leading her on a walk. Side by side, instead of so far. More of an ease, gliding past what they know - the fondness, her worries, that solid determination that whatever she needs, Fever would be there. And then pulling back a curtain, and letting some more light into the place, and they both see what has grown there. Something in its very own shape, difficult to describe, but sturdy all the same, approached as gently as spring rain might fall on a field.
Fever's voice, mellow and easy.
I understand it all a little more now. I understand what makes you my dearest friend. Though I like the word you use better, partner. Makes me think about how much I trust you, and how much you trust me. That we chose to do so, and that we still do.
no subject
Something beautiful. Something soft. Something sturdy. Something not easily broken.
Valdis leans against Fever, closing her eyes so she can just feel what her partner is sharing with her.
Part of me worried you would shy away from me now that you are free, because to me...you have been the light, but now I understand that we are the light for each other. We both know what it is like to be violent, but we both also know how to be soft.
She sighs softly, saying the next part out loud.
"I love you, Fever."
no subject
In lieu of a immediate response aloud, she gently squeezes Valdis's hand, letting herself relax more. The vulnerability she offers is as solid a response as anything else, allowing her feelings to ebb and flow, fearing no judgement. No walls, no weapons. Simply herself, and trusting in this house to hold her, in the presence of her partner at her side.
Just because I can breathe free air doesn't mean I want to shy away. I'm not your girlfriend, but that's no reason to doubt what I've said about you and my future. But it's a tease, nothing more, full of mirth - the sensation of sunlight glittering on water. If anything, you can know I mean it all the more, without needing to live with your blade near my throat. Building a future means I can choose who is in it simply because I want them there.
If she must grow and fill space, then let at least some of that space be people to keep close, who support her, who will come if she says but a word. Let Valdis fill space, knowing it was set aside just for her.
no subject
I won't lie to you, I know I promised to stop you...but I never intended to do that at the cost of your life. Foolish perhaps, but I stopped Daisy's rampage without killing her, so I believe I could have done the same with you.
It still gives her a thrill and a joy she's not certain she will ever escape. The beauty of being powerful is not something one forgets so easily.
I want you to be in my future just as much as my present...so I'm glad you are free, and I want to take up space in your new future.
no subject
Happiness, that same peaceful contentment, stretching over her mind like a blanket being knit. Row by row, growing slow and steady.
And for what it's worth, I think you could have stopped me easily. Still could, really. I don't give that kind of praise lightly.
no subject
The same promise she had made to Max.
Valdis hums to fill the silence as Anani chooses to leave the fireplace for Fever's lap, jumping up on the couch and nudging their hands out of the way, leading her hum to become a small laugh.
I don't need someone to tell me I could defeat them, I'm well aware I'm one of the more dangerous inhabitants of this island, but I am happy I will never need to be dangerous to you.
She sighs as the cat begins purring in Fever's lap.
no subject
And to think, she used to not understand why people were so inclined to have pets.
Still a relief to know that if the very worst came to pass, you could pull me out of it.
But at least for now, that seems nearly impossible. How can she dwell on such things when she's here now, sharing in her joy and letting herself be cared about?
no subject
Hopefully it is a relief we will never need to feel.
She leans her head against Fever's, falling silent in both thought and body, happy to just sit here with her partner and her pets.