I Do Not Fear The Man Who Has Practiced Ten Thousand Kicks [Early March Open]

[restingslasherface]

Who: "Slasher Face" Jean, Hungry, Agent Charlie, and YOU
What: Jean has adopted a chicken & is preparing for the expedition
When: Early March before the expedition
Where: Around(tm)
Warnings: Discussion of animal death, potential Jean Bullshit depending on how conversations go
Notes: CHICKEN



Jean has adopted a chick from Eddie, a little fluffy girl they've taken to calling Charlie (well, "Agent Charlie", referring to her by her job title), and boy is this nugget all fucking in. In the time leading up to the expedition one can find Jean taking Charlie and Hungry around town on errands. You might catch the three of them at the Library, checking books out and doing research on long hikes and wilderness survival, or at the Shops buying up food that will keep for supplies. Down at the Seaweed Farm, Jean smokes and salts fish so it will keep well on the trip and packs small bags of rice for meals. Expect them to visit the Clinics and/or Sally for advice on disinfectants and over-the-counter preventatives, and to purchase them.

But the real fun is on the Festival Green and at Oak and Iron. Jean has made a small cloth rat in which they have concealed bits of fish, and is training Agent Charlie to attack it, starting her off nice and young. The first attempt goes poorly, her lil' beak just is not the equal of the spare burlap, but a second attempt with thinner cloth goes a lot better. When Agent Charlie isn't hard at work learning the weaknesses of her enemies through practice, Jean can be found taking breaks for coffee at the inn, where they have books on pest control, rat life cycles, and the care of chickens.

They are reading the books aloud.

To the chicken, and to Hungry, who often comments with an interested "Ghastly!".

Comments

[pineapplesalmon]

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Hungry and Agent Charlie." César will use the chick's Proper Name. "A ratter, huh? You're embracing the idea of birds being tiny, angry dinosaurs, I see."

[restingslasherface]

"What's a dinosaur?"

[pineapplesalmon]

"A whole nearly extinct branch of life. The non-avian side of dinosaurs went extinct 66 million years ago on my Earth. All we have left now are giant fossils. I'd... have to honestly try to draw some of them for you or find an artist that knows what they possibly looked like. The only one we know the looks of is a tyrannosaurus rex that got thrown into the future. If I ever get to be a powerful enough druid, I could show you." César really wants to be a T-Rex at least once in his life.

[restingslasherface]

"Non-avian..."

Slowly, Jean scoops up Agent Charlie in both hands, and Holds Her Forth. "Dinosaur?"

[pineapplesalmon]

César smiles broadly. "If this world is anything like Earth... indeed, a descendant of the thunder lizards." A beat, and then César makes a slight face before he's back to smiling. "They weren't actually lizards, but that name sounds cool, so we'll let it pass."

Also, he's going to pull out a small pad of paper and start to doodle the silhouette of a T-Rex. This will take a moment. He's not the best at organic drawing.

[restingslasherface]

Jean leans in and makes sure that Charlie has a good view of her ancestor.

[pineapplesalmon]

"And for scale...." A little figure that's Jean's size. "That's you." He'll add an even smaller chick standing next to Jean, then gently removes the paper and hands it over. "There. There are dinosaurs that have four legs on the ground, but everyone loves a good T-Rex."

[restingslasherface]

Jean turns to the chick and says, gently but firmly: "Achieving that size will negatively impact your employability, Agent."

Agent Charlie peeps several times and begins attacking the paper.

[pineapplesalmon]

César watches this with growing amusement. "I think she's saying she'll try her best."

[restingslasherface]

"She is very fierce," Jean agrees, petting her head with a fingertip and a soft smile. "I assume your new employees will be put to work more typical for chickens?"

[pineapplesalmon]

"Yes, primarily eggs but also some additional chickens." Which may or may not end up dinner for people at some point. "One of them is a rooster."

[restingslasherface]

"Oh, you have a cock -"

...

......

"I would like to die now, comrade, linguistics have betrayed me."

[pineapplesalmon]

César bursts out into laughter and immediately has to slide into a chair so he doesn't fall over. "Only Magne's supposed to know about—!"

[restingslasherface]

"Do you keep your genitals a secret from your doctors too???"

[pineapplesalmon]

César tries to answer and just can't breathe. That's such a dumb but earnest question that he just... can't answer other than shaking his head. Watson knows!

[restingslasherface]

"Comrade why is this occult knowledge?"

[pineapplesalmon]

"It isn't!" César manages to choke out. "Watson knows!"

[restingslasherface]

"And now I know! Do I need to fear for my life? Will you hunt me down to keep your cock hidden from the world? Why is this a secret???"

Help them César they're so confused.

[not here]

[sistermagnetic]

She may have been listening and trying really hard to continue her normal duties around the dining room, but now she is doubled over and wheezing. Her coworkers are looking between her and Jean with concern.

[pineapplesalmon]

César just puts a hand on poor Jean's shoulder. Please, Jean. He can't breathe. Give him a moment. But he loves you??

[restingslasherface]

"...Comrade you appear to be asphyxiating." Jean's voice lowers. "...Is it a curse? Have your genitals been struck by an antimemetic protection that slays you if the secret is broken?"

Listen.

They come from a culture with very anonymous hookups.

[pineapplesalmon]

César manages to breathe. "No, you're just—I'm fine!"

[restingslasherface]

"Are you sure?" This man is blue, my guy you are blue daba dee daba die!

[pineapplesalmon]

César nods rapidly, and César tries to focus on breathing through his laughter.

[restingslasherface]

Jean cradles Agent Charlie close to their chest and waits to see if Comrade César dies of the antimemetic curse on his genitals.

Please don't die, Jean doesn't want to explain to Magne what happened.