ph_logs | GRAND OPENING - Le Cafe' Citrioulles

GRAND OPENING - Le Cafe' Citrioulles

Who: Max Maximum & you!
What: New Le Cafe' Citrioulles Finally Open! Come get your coffee house AUs
When: July-Aug (or longer)
Where: Attached to the Bakery in the middle of town!
Warning crab boiling, one prompt includes NSFW discussions, please label and warn clearly.

[OOC Note: I'm still putting together an official info post about what the cafe looks like/offers, etc. For now picture a quaint French corner cafe attached to the bakery building with through traffic, and a nice patio space that's fenced in and covered. The color theming is all bright royal blue with gold and pumpkin orange trim.]

Summer Specials!
In honor of Max winning Pickle King this year, he has created some limited time specials. Such offerings include salted dill macarons with cream cheese filling, grilled cheese with extra pickles, fried pickles on a stick with mustard, and, most horrifying of all, dill pickle cheesecake(Video). One need not wonder why these items are on limited run.

For those who may be looking for a more normal kind of special, Max is also taking advantage of that huge watermelon in the square to infuse many of his summer specials with watermelon flavors, too. He's offering watermelon smoothies or juicers, watermelon dipped in dark chocolate on a stick, sides of the fruit with yogurt and honey, and just simple slices of it with any entre at no charge. (Doesn't feel right to charge for a free resource, after all.)

"What will it be?" he asks excitedly from behind the counter, "Something safe or are we feeling adventurous today? Oh, by the way, did you see we have a patio now?"

Oh, Crabs!
Unfortunately, his new cafe is also popular with the cast of crabs that have been coming ashore and helping themselves to everyone's stuff. Max has half a mind to start putting crab cakes on special, too.

"Shoo! Get out of here!" he shouts at a swarm of them as he brandishes his new broom. He's trying to sweep them out the door, but they keep pinching the bristles and clinging on.

"I'm getting the boiling water in a minute!" Sorry, Ody, he likes you but your knife-wielding offspring are a problem that butter and salt would deliciously solve.

He was really hoping to make the new cafe patio the biggest feature of his new cafe grand opening, but no one wants to get their toes pinched while drinking their coffee and tea.

Safe Summer Lovin' [NSFW Sexual Content]
(Speaking of crabs? Sorry! I'm so sorry!)

For a while, now, Max has wanted to get more involved with teaching. He, like others, including Gary who did that wonderful talk for Pride, has noticed there's not a lot of instructive sexual education happening broadly around town. And he doesn't just mean for adolescents. Maybe it's due to his affiliation to the Velvet, Ambrosia & Silk, or his experience leading Bart through some intimate firsts, but he's come to the conclusion that he's not a bad instructor and he might be able to help others if they want it.

To that end, Max has announced that his new cafe will host an 'after hours' seminar that combines baking and sexual education once a month. A post goes up about it on the bulletin board that reads:

First Friday Sexual Health and Safety Seminars By Max Maximum All ages and experience levels welcome Every first Friday of month, 6PM-8PM, at Le Cafe' Citrioulles Food and beverage complimentary Taking auditions for guest speakers now Hope to see you there! -Max Maximum

The first of these seminars is held on the first Friday of August, and it's very evident that Max has been excitedly preparing for it, because he's standing by the door, giddy with excitement, proudly handing balls of stiff dough to each attendee as they walk in and instructing them to pair off into two's and find a table. The tables each have place settings for pairs, or quartets, each with a protective layer of butcher paper laid down, and a bowl of what seems to be royal icing waiting at the center of the table.

Once everyone has found their seat, Max begins:

"I'm sure you're all curious what the dough is for, so I won't keep you in suspense. Today, I want each of you to make a penis or vagina for your pair, and I want you to try to make it as anatomically accurate as you can. It doesn't matter which of you makes which part, and you can ask for help not only from your partner, but from the entire group and me. Ask as much as you want, take any notes you want, but the goal is to have a pair of accurate genitals each by the end of the first hour. After that, we'll get into the role that fluid plays in the process--but that's for hour two."

He'll open the floor to general questions before finally saying, "Everyone got that? Okay, time starts now."

[Arts and craft time, people! Get silly with it, start mingle threads, smuggle a cucumber in, whatever you want. World is your oyster. (Just make sure to warn and label appropriately.)]

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"God be with you, shopkeep!" Henry greets the man brightly. (And for what it's worth, he does turn and look for the patio even though he does not know what that means!!) "I'll be honest, I don't know what I want. Usually I'd come into a place like this and buy whatever's cheapest and lasts longest."

Now he examines the array of unfamiliar treats on display, debating just how adventurous he does feel today.

"What's the local favorite?"

"Oh, and with you?" Max says like a catholic sleeper agent.

"Well, the local favorite tends to be bread loafs but that's sort of boring. Are you new here? If you are, you get your first thing for free. Have a look around and pick anything. The good news is, I used my magic to make all of these, so none of it will ever spoil."

Henry drags his attention from the display case to stare at this man for a moment. Multiple things to address, here: bread good, free food???, magic. A week ago and he would've certainly scoffed at the idea of anyone using magic for anything, but now he's seen a giant watermelon and rancid sausages that appear out of thin air and strange little dogs that can create fire.

Food that doesn't go bad, though? That's on another level entirely.

"What, really?" he asks. There's zero effort to conceal his surprise nor the tinge of disbelief on his face. "Not ever?" Beat. "Well, I reckon if nothing else I'd be your man to test such a bold claim, anyway."

He's not trying to be rude — he says it almost with an air as if he's poking fun at himself rather than doubting the sincerity of the magic.

"It must be clear enough now that I am new, eh?" he goes on, lips quirking into a wry, self-deprecating smile. "I don't suppose things ever start feeling normal here, do they?"

Every day it's something new and fantastical and impossible to believe. Today it's food that lasts forever, tomorrow it'll be horses with wings or something.

Max can't help it; he chuckles as he watches that incredible face journey play out. Max takes the comment in a playful spirit and keeps chuckling.

"The clothing is usually the giveaway, but yeah. It was pretty easy to tell. And, well, you'd be surprised what you eventually find normal after long enough. I can turn into a dog at will and, for me, that's just normal now." He isn't even meaning to brag; he's just very proud of his shifter ability.

"But, how about this? I'll accept your challenge. Let's test it out. I'll give you two cinnamon rolls. You can eat one today, and you can save the other one for a week. If it's gone bad by then, I'll replace it with a fresh one for free. I'm that confident."

"Heya, Max, can I get more dough? I'm doin' somethin' specific."

The request from Capochin seems to be related to whatever artistic license he's taking on this project. He's created a tendril-like appendage with a slightly spade-shaped tip.

"I'm tryin' to make it look like Inspekta's," he says conspiratorially when Max is close enough, grinning away. Is he probably embarrassing Hector? Yes. But it's fun to make him blush.

"More dough? For wha-" he stops mid question as his eyes finally land on that 'artistic' endeavor before him.

Wait. That's supposed to look like Hector's? Really?

"W-well... not that I want to tell you you're wrong about that kind of thing but I think you'll have to, um, make do with what you have."

Don't mind him looking at Hector like he's trying to decide if this is accurate or not.

Hector was really, truly, absolutely doing his best to try not to listen. It didn't work. He's flushed blue in the face, and glances up, just in time to catch Max's gaze, where he tries to offer a smile that looks nothing short of deeply embarrassed. Like if he gets one more ounce of embarrassment in his system, he may just pass away on the spot. (He does offer an awkward little wave before pointedly trying to focus on his own dough, at least!)

"Well, y'know, he's got his regular form and his god form, right? And a'course, I have had both experiences. So I thought hey, why not have a lil' fun with it, do the fancier one?" Capochin beams with pride. "I'll just try n' scale it down, I s'pose. Dough rises, after all, am I right?"

"You have a god form?" Now Max is looking harder, sorry, Hector.

Now he's visibly sweating on top of that embarrassed grin. He's a mess.

"I do! It's an... well, uhm... awful-ee long story? Short of it is I won an election back home, get tangled up in some weirdo-bizzness here, aaand now I can switch between 'em! It's handy! For... a decent lil' handful of things."

"An election? Wow, I think I'd like to hear that whole story one of these days." Because that sounds wild to go from election to god powers and a second form. Only reason he doesn't sit down for it right now is he has a class to teach.

"Well~" Max's voice turns sly, "I think I know what one of those things might be, now." No shame in this house.

"You sure do," Capo agrees, nudging him playfully as he continues to shape the eldritch dough schlong. He's surprisingly artistically capable. "I am a very lucky man indeed."

"Maybe give him a break now and then so he doesn't overheat," Max says, nudging Capochin conspiratorially. "Even us XXL's need a rest, you know."

Half a dozen crabs skitter around his ankles on his way into the cafe. One foot lifts, and he has half a mind to bring his heel down on one of the stabby little shites, but he doesn't want to get whatever goop might be inside them on the nice floors of this place.

One of the cheap blades he'd taken to carrying around is hucked at one of the more problematic crabs, knocking its knife straight out of its claw, followed by a foot put in between it and this shiny new blade.

"Do prdele creature," he snaps, sweeping it with his foot toward the door.

"I'm so sorry about the crabs," Max says, sounding exhausted.

He comes around the counter with his broom and sweeps the crustacean out the door like shooting a hockey puck. "This happens every year but it's the first time they all had knives."

"Have you got another?" he asks, gesturing toward the broom. He might as well help, for the sake of his own dining experience, and because this man seems very frazzled. "Who is their supplier? Perhaps we can have words with them. Or are they all stolen from people's homes?"

"Uh, yeah, I do." He takes a moment to snap out of his surprise, but then he reaches for the broom behind the counter and tosses it over, trusting a man who looks as fit as this to be able to catch it with ease.

"Supplier?" That's funny to consider. Is there an armoror crab handing out knives to each of them? "I really don't know. I know that the first crab with a knife was named Ody, but he came from the other ship, so that's where he got his knife. These ones are just... I guess mimicking him?"

More crabs are already forcing their way through the door, prying it open with their knives. Seems they are getting more sophisticated over time.

Samuel catches the broom almost without looking, and brings the stuff bristles down in time to block a couple of determined crabs from climbing in over the top of his boots. Of course, that doesn't stop them from trying to climb over each other. He huffs and brushes the lot of them back out of the door, then moves to run defense at the door while Max shoos the rest of them out.

"How obnoxious...have you considered killing them for food? There are plenty of them, nu?"

"I have! So many, in fact, that I ran out of space to store it all," he laughs. "We've got crab cakes for days by now. But they just keep coming. My magic only works to keep things fresh once I've cooked it, so I've had a pot on the boil all day with just crabs. It's hard to get anything else done."

"Your magic? How many people here have such specific powers?" He sounds half-sarcastic at that, and regards Max with an arched brow over his shoulder. His foot comes down on a crab to stop it in its tracks.

"Yep!" He laughs. "A lot of people, actually. Well, okay, most of them don't have as specific and limited ones as me, but more of them get to choose for themselves. Mine came to me as gifts. I didn't have any magic until just a couple of years ago."

He eyes the crab under Samuel's boot. "Want me to turn that one into crab cakes for you?"

"I have never had magic in my life, but I have witnessed a great many strange things." His tone is very this might as well happen. "A great boon though, to be able to keep your food from spoiling. Would that we could have such a blessing in those famine years."

Eyeing the crab under his boot with its legs scrabbling for purchase on the wood and claws flexing, Samuel smirks, then bends and pins it with his hand long enough to get his fingers around it between each leg to keep himself from getting pinched and/or stabbed. "I think that would make a lovely lunch, thank you sir...?"

Max has so much sympathy for that tone. Brother, he knows. "I agree. We've had famine conditions here, and it inspired me to start a stockpile. I rent a room at the Oak and Iron just to keep my boxes of food stores in. I don't ever want to see something like that happen again." His gift gives him the power to do something about it, and that's what he's most proud of.

"Oh! Max Maximum. Sorry, I should have introduced myself sooner. Please just call me Max. Hey, it's pretty slow right now, do you want to come back to the kitchen and watch me work?"

"Maximum," he replies easily, nodding and carefully holding the animal out at arm's length. "Certainly, if you do not think I would be in your way. I am handy enough in the kitchen, if you would need something chopped."

He'd just follow Max on the way back to the kitchen, hoping for a pot to drop his stabby little captive into and a lid to close over the top of it.

"Not at all. You're welcome to help if you like, but I won't insist on it. Oh, maybe I could put you on grilled cheese watch, though. If I'm not careful, I end up burning one side of them." He hasn't let one get bad enough not to be edible, but he does like to strive for perfection.

"Boiling pot on the stove there," he points out, "Careful not to burn yourself. There's a towel on the side for grabbing the pot handle." There are a few crabs already in the pot that look like they're cooked enough to come out now, too.

"Do you do much cooking for yourself?"

Magne has arrived, dressed very respectably, with an arm full of large sheets provided by Cesar, diagrams drawn on several of them, lists of Dos and Don'ts on others, and a few blank sheets for any questions or suggestions that others might come up with for a class that she'd suggested to Max ages ago: Pleasing Your Trans Girlfriend: a potentially exhaustive lecture series.

She greets Max with kiss to each cheek, holding her rolled papers against herself.

"Hello there darling~ I'm looking forward to your crafting class. I can't claim to be particularly good at it but it sounds so fun!"

"Thank you so much for volunteering," Max says as he matches her kiss for kiss. "Let me take these for you." He'll reach for the rolls to free up her arms.

"No need to worry. It's all pass/fail, we're here to have fun and learn and so far I think we're hitting that mark. Some people got a little creative with it last time, too." Looking at you Capochin.

"Of course, darling, I wouldn't miss it even if I didn't have something to contribute," she replies with a soft chuckle. Behind her, a couple of her employees sidle up with waves and greetings for Max, one of them tipping him a flirtatious little wink. They head inside while Magne hands over some of the diagrams. "Oh I can imagine! Genitals are inherently rather funny-looking, so having a little bit of a laugh while making one is going to be very good. I had this discussion with Cesar before, when he was making a mold of himself for experimentation purposes." She would have to remember to show him the miniaturized version that they'd started testing for variations of muffing.

"Yeah, I know. You're one of the people who gave me the push I needed to do this in the first place."

His cheeks turn a light rose shade when one of those ladies winks at him. He really never stops enjoying the flirt.

"Yeah, exactly. That's why I thought it would be the perfect ice breaker to open with. I think it does a good job of relaxing people..." A beat. "He made a mold of himself? How'd he do that?" Maybe that might be a fun lesson for advanced students.

Good thing for Max that Magne and her staff are both adept at flirting, and find it highly entertaining.

"It was such a good idea, I'm glad that you went ahead with it, especially with how sexually active so many of us in the village are. Much better to be safe than sorry!" Heading inside with the others, Magne starts to carefully set up her presentation so that it would be easy to begin when it was time.

She laughs back over her shoulder as she moves to get herself a drink. "A bit of trial and error, to be honest. The condoms here don't exactly preserve fine detail well, and while he can stay erect for a good amount of time, I wouldn't ask him to hold still and let me sculpt it by sight. Eventually we combined a few different ideas and found a way to make a fairly soft rubber mold. I'll have to ask for the notes we were taking on it."

"Yeah, I like being part of building people up in their confidence." Not to mention, it's a pretty small town so if something awkward happens, people don't really have that far to run. Better if they learn to tackle the intimate what-ifs with some grace.

"Please do," Max says when she offers to ask for the notes. "I'd be interested in trying out the process myself. Not even for anything weird, I'd just kind of love to see what I'm working with from a completely new angle."

Uh oh, he's got that gremlin glint in his eyes again, "Not that I couldn't also be convinced to turn it into a pegging insert so people could give me a taste of my own medicine."

Grace is something that they could always use more of, Magne knows that very well. Especially when dealing with new revelations in their lives.

"We've got some diagrams as well, to help us visualize how to make adjustments. Just wait, soon you'll have the stuff to have a toy of every color," she teases. Then she grins. She knows that look, and that whatever comes out of Max's mouth next would be the highlight of her week.

Of course he doesn't disappoint. Magne immediately starts to laugh, big and loud and open.

"Oh honey you must let me peek in on that process. Maybe I'll even wield that weapon for a test drive."

He attempts to pull a serious face, but the effect is ruined by the smile threatening to creep back. How can he not when she laughs so heartily. "I will not rest until I've collected the rainbow in dildos."

Her next suggestion completely destroys it because now he's the one laughing at full volume. "Don't threaten me with a good time, Magne~"

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GRAND OPENING - Le Cafe' Citrioulles

summer specials

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Safe Summer Lovin' [Dragged Hector along]

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Here But Clearly Trying Not To Be

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Crabs?!

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Safe Sexy Lessons

Re: Safe Sexy Lessons

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