ph_logs | [OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

[OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

Who: Alice Dyer (

closureisformovies), Samama "Sam" Khalid (

huntingtruths) & you!
What: Alice and Sam arrive back from their canon update
When: Early May
Where: Around, locations in prompts
Warnings: Reference to gun violence; typical horror protagonist things; specifics in headers. Magnus Protocol Spoilers up to Episode 40.
Notes: Open prompts for both Alice and Sam will be down in the comments! Body of the post is meta/closed to Sam.

It's just her luck, really. Goes to talk to some spooky external— thing and don't even die because it's dangerous, oh no, that'd be too logical. She was prepared for that risk. Getting accidentally shot by her overeager bodyguard she didn't ask for? That's the level of absurdity that her life is made of, these days, so of course that's what happened instead.

(Gwen Bouchard, when she fucking sees you again...)

The memories hit when Mortanne welcomes her back and with it, the fact that Sam was here, too, the first time, so if she's here again, then surely— maybe— she almost doesn't dare to ask but she does and Mortanne says yes, and, well, after that it's all she can do not to cry with relief.

She's alone on the ferry, except for ferryman. It's the most nervewracking few minutes of travel of her life and she spends it shifting from foot to foot, scratching at her arm, pulling at her hair—nervous, scared, anxious, excited, she doesn't know. She just knows that Mortanne wouldn't lie. So she pays her fare, steps off the boat, and then stands on the dock to wait.

She's not going anywhere until he turns up. She doesn't care how long it takes.

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After everything Sam is a mix of anxious and angry. Angry at everything that he had been lied to about, everything that Celia had said and done, and anxious about being back here. After seeing that other Alice, seeing a world where they had gotten married. It hurts knowing what they could have had, even if their world had also gone to shit. What was worse was knowing that there was an Alice out there that missed him so much she resorted to reliving a nightmare every night just to see him again.

Of course...her telling him hadn't been completely her. That damn thing was back. The Archivist or whatever they had called it.

Hearing from Mortanne that Alice was already waiting for him was a bit of a relief at least. It meant that as he stepped off the boat he wasn't surprised to see her there. Waiting.

"Alice!"

After reuniting with Alice, Sam is weirdly happy to be wandering around the town again. He doesn't know exactly what went on the past month that he was gone but it's still nice to be somewhere else. Somewhere not that incredibly sad version of the London he knew. Not to mention it was his Alice here.

Still that means that he can easily be stumbled across either at town hall making sure he still has a job or various places around town. He has money and feels like spending it.

Not to mention it'd be nice to hopefully see some familiar faces.

Minutes pass. Five, ten, twenty. An hour. She only sits down maybe a minute before the ferry finally appears again, which, well, that's typical, too, but it doesn't matter. She's back on her feet as soon as she sees it coming, bouncing on her heels like an anxious teenager, trying to tell herself not to be stupid, don't do anything stupid, god, please, don't make things complicated again the second you see him, Alice, you used to have restraint—

But then he's here. He pays his fare, he steps off the boat, he calls her name.

And restraint just about goes out the window.

Footsteps pound against the wood beneath her feet as she sprints across the short distance and throws herself at Sam, with force enough it's a miracle she doesn't knock them both off their feet, and kisses him. Restraint be fucking damned.

"Hey-" At first Sam feels like it's back in that other place too much but then he remembers that this is his Alice and he doesn't hesitate, doesn't resist like he had with her. Instead he returns the kiss, hands buried in her hair as he all but clings to her.

When he can finally get a moment to pull away and breath he doesn't go far. He's still close and sharing the same air as her.

She wants to play it cool. Play it cool like these last few weeks haven't seen her running around like a mad woman, doing everything she can to get him back. Like she's not been driving herself mad with stress and grief and loneliness. Like she hasn't just jumped him like they're together and not meant to just be friends.

But he doesn't push her away. Not until they have to breathe and that's okay, that's more than okay. Play it cool. She can play it cool. She can—

"Y-You're here."

Her voice cracks, the traitorous fucking bastard.

"You're really—" she breathes. Get it together. "You— I-I followed you, I followed you and when I got there you were— you were gone, you were just gone and you've been gone and I-I've been trying, I've been trying so fucking hard to find— find some way to get you back but now you're here—"

That's not together.

Sam definitely doesn't seem to let her go far, he's too busy holding on to her. Knowing she's there, feeling her warmth, it's the only thing that keeps him from almost having a meltdown. But then she's babbling and he needs her to stop, to breath for a moment, and damned if he doesn't know the best way to shut his ex up is to do the most trope-y thing he can and kiss her.

So he does.

Again.

Well this time it's him kissing her and not her kissing him. Payback or something. This time when he pulls away he tries to make sure he's the one who talks first.

"It's okay, I'm here, and back home I'm alive. I promise I'm safe." Mostly. "But fuck I was so wrong to trust her. I...I shouldn't have gone with Celia, I should have listened to you. I'm so sorry Alice."

Yeah, that works.

Hard to untie her tongue after that movie moment and when Sam starts talking, it's easier to just listen, to remember how to breathe. He's here. He's... not strictly alive, given the conditions of being here, but he survived the trip through that goddamn portal and that's all she needs to hear. He's not a lost cause. She was right.

Relief washes over her like a drug and she laughs, a little manic but so, so relieved. "Y-Yeah. Damn right."

Breathe. Just... breathe.

"We've been trying to figure out how to get you back for... well, weeks. I-I feel like we were on the right track, but— I dunno, there's a lot that's happened, and Celia had to stop me from tying a rope around myself and just going in after you more than once. Which is insane, I know it's insane, but—"

She doesn't have an end to that sentence.

Look, he doesn't want to think about the circumstances of his death, or what little he can really remember of them right now. They're fuzzy and the only thing he knows is that he had seen a much sadder version of Alice back there. A version he never wants to see again but is also glad to have gotten to meet if only to know that there is a world out there that they worked. Which meant maybe they could here.

One step at a time.

"I've been...Alice the place I was...it was insane. It was London but not our London...it was destroyed. Something about literal hell on earth. Alice," He moved his hands to her shoulders. "It was where Celia was from. She knew it was dangerous that's why she stopped you."

It's more than he was meaning to tell her but also, also he can't help but still be furious. He had trusted her and let her in, and then everything happened and all he could think about was how Alice was left there with her.

Where Celia was... what? The confusion etches deeper into her face with each word. Another London is one thing, they've both met plenty of people from other worlds in this very town, however many months ago that was now from their perspective. But the rest. The idea that Celia...

"What do you mean that's where Celia was from? She's— y'know, Welsh. Wales isn't a whole other universe." Blabbing, blabbing, giving her brain time to turn. She's still clutching at his shirt. "She said she heard about the portal from some— case."

It made sense. They get all sorts through. Why not a portal to hell?

Sam shakes his head, looking for some place to have them both sit down.

"There's so much more. Alice I mean it. I shouldn't have....I should have listened to you. Maybe then I wouldn't have ended up in some creepy basement with her....and a fucking portal...and that thing following us." It's hard to know where to start or if he should really get into it right that moment.

"What about back home? How is everyone? What happened to you?"

She feels like she's getting a hands on lesson in how it must've felt when she was being all vague and evasive, all those months ago, but she doesn't push right away. They've got time. This place is nothing but time. She'll get the answers eventually.

"Everyone's, uh—" she swallows. "Well Colin's dead. So. That's not great. Gwen's the boss now which is somehow worse than Colin being dead. Lena's who the fuck knows where. Celia's... been helping. Sort of."

Maybe not as much as she'd like, but its fine, Alice can do it herself. She's very good at just doing things herself.

"Luke's on tour so he's— he's doing okay. I uh." She pulls a face. "May have got shot by a Starkwall agent. It's... a long story."

At least he's not avoiding telling her, he just doesn't want to dump it all on her at once.

And then she mentions Collin being dead and Sam's face falls. He was hoping that one of her few friends would have been around for her. But left with Gwen who she doesn't get along with and Celia who definitely was more than likely not going to help as much as she was pretending to...it makes him angrier than he's been in a while.

"Wait. Starkwall? Since when is the OIAR working with them? Since when are you working with some pseudo-military group?"

"It was Gwen's idea," she snorts derisively. Fat lot of good that brainwave did her. "I wanted to follow up on this meeting Colin had made with this— External, and Gwen wouldn't let me go unless I took the stupid security guy with me. He was completely fucking useless and started firing wildly at the first sign of actual danger. Guess he clipped me and now... here I am again."

Dead a second time over. Fuck, how long has even passed here since they left? The season still seems about the same. Can't have been that long, then.

"It was totally pointless, the monster thing was actually pretty chill when he wasn't being threatened by a dick waving American."

Sam blinked as he listened to her, surprised but also....somehow not. Of course everything would go to shit with Lena gone. He may not have liked the lady but at least she knew what the hell she was doing. She knew more about everything than any of them did. Damn it Gwen.

And it got Alice killed. Again.

"We'll get back to 'chill monsters' in a minute. But seriously? After all the reports about them making things worse?" He has to take his hands and scrub at his face letting out an exasperated sigh. "There is so much I need to tell you...but we shouldn't do it here. Might be better to find somewhere comfortable to sit? Some place more private than the docks?"

Right, yeah. Their surroundings snap back into focus. The ferry is gone again but they're still on the docks where anyone could come by, new or old.

"Yeah, good— good plan. Uh. Maybe we haven't been gone long enough for them to empty our places?"

She finally, reluctantly, lets go entirely to pat herself down for keys. It's a walk into town, but there isn't anywhere much more private than inside, even with nosy neighbours. Unfortunately, no keys. Probably have to pick them back up from town hall. Ugh.

"Orrrr there might be a quiet spot on the beach. Fuck if I remember."

Sam has to bite back the urge to hold onto her again. It's hard, after everything that had happened and what he had heard back in that other version of London. When neither of them can find their keys he just shakes his head.

"We can find somewhere to sit on the beach...that's fine." He mostly just really rather be sitting down when he told her about the other Alice and everything he had seen. Everything he has found out.

"Beach it is, then."

She almost makes a joke about finding sand for days after this but doesn't, it doesn't quite feel right. Something is up. A lot of things are up. The whole world feels like it's been upended ever since Sam went through that portal and she was too late to stop it.

She tugs at his wrist and heads down the dock, turning off onto the beach. There are places along the sand that are a little more sheltered from watching eyes, natural rock and the like. Places they can sit.

She sits down with her knees to her chest.

The only time he pulls his wrist away is to instead grab her hand with his own, not saying a single word about it. It's grounding, having her here. He had wanted something familiar back in that world and of course it had been her. Not his parents or any other friends.

Her.

It was always Alice.

When they get settled he buries his face in his hands for a long moment before letting out a long sigh.

"I need to start at the beginning...right before you apparently showed up." He starts, going on to explain as much as he can. How Celia had brought him there to sacrifice him or something. How she had lied to them all that time. He talked about the Archivist and how it had followed him, how it killed people. He tells her about Georgie and Melanie and how they were suspicious of him but ultimately seemed pretty cool.

"And then we were trying to figure out what happened to the me of that place and...well the only person I could think about looking for who might know was you. With how you greeted me just now....I think it's safe to say you aren't very different between the two." Well, other than the Alice there being a wreck with grief.

It takes every bit of self-control she has not to interject. The sting of betrayal is ice cold, a chill that spreads from her chest down her spine—weeks, weeks of working beside Celia, of telling her it wasn't her fault, of talking about getting Sam back and Celia never quite letting up on the idea he was dead, that they should leave it...

That traitorous bitch—

Her face betrays every bit of anger, one fist white knuckle against the ground whilst the other grips Sam's shoulder. She's about ready to start spitting venom by the time he's done, but then he's talking about another her. And that takes the wind out of those angry sails.

"What, did she jump and snog you too?" comes out like a joke, self-deprecating and trying to regain control over that particular impulsive act at once, before she blinks and— "Oh fuck off she actually did, didn't she?"

"Yeah well....I mean she hadn't seen her Sam since...since I got appendicitis. Remember that? For us it was fine, I was in hospital for a bit and then got better." Sam shakes his head. "He didn't. The hospitals and everything there, they're messed up. They don't have a lot of things we're used to. Full societal collapse sort of end of the world. He died."

He has to take a moment to really let that sink in before he drops what he still feels is a lot bigger at least for them in a personal way. He looks up at her.

"Alice, they were married." He's not sure if he wants to share the weird hellscape description the other Alice gave him but he will at least share something. "That place, it was taken over by Fear, literally. People were in these things, they called them domains or something...and some people shared them. They were places where people were tortured or were the torturers. We shared one and the way she described it....it was terrifying but also...it was really intense." That wasn't love Sam, that was grief. But once someone's gone, what's the difference?

"She would take this medication to make herself dream....because when they dream they relive their nightmares. She wanted to see him again so she would make herself dream."

Married.

Back up. That universe's Sam, dead of one of the most preventable, routine organ failures known to man. She remembers visiting him in the hospital, leaving that stupid magazine under his pillow just for the fun of it. One of the few times they saw each other in person since they split. She'd heard and been worried, swung by just to see that he was okay. Even now it's hard to imagine him dying of something so... mundane.

"...sounds kinda like Gerry's world," comes out easier than anything else, the words to talk about that strange tangle of emotions taking time to unknot themselves into sentences. "But worse. Like something happened."

End of the world. Yeah, sounds about right.

She tries to find words for another five, ten seconds before all what comes out is an emphatic: "FFFFFuck." She can't keep her eyes on him, they end up on the sky as she throws her head back and drags her hands down her face. "Married. What the fuck. We'd barely even..."

Even brushed up against the topic. Wasn't like she hadn't thought about it. Wasn't like she hadn't wanted it. Back then it really felt like Sam was her future. Until he wasn't.

"And— drugging herself to..." Exhale. "I-I don't even know what to do with that, Sam."

Shaking his head Sam can understand it's a lot.

"You get why I wanted somewhere to sit down? When she recalled it she was so precise and like....like she was reliving it in the moment. But I didn't notice how wrong that felt until we were leaving. Georgie found a tape recorder, which are apparently something that thing manifests? But we realized that it might have been the Archivist and we rushed back. I was so scared...I didn't...I didn't want to be the reason any version of you ended up dead."

Everything was fuzzy after that, it's hard to really remember what happened.

Reaching out he takes her hands in his, in that moment needing to feel warm hands in his and remind himself that she is there with him. They're both safe, for the most part, and they're together.

The lingering white-knuckle tension fades when he takes her hands and she breathes, tries to focus on the familiar, grounding touch and not the horrific implications of everything he's said. Tries not to think about how much sense it makes, how she can understand so easily how this— other her could end up in such a state. How mad she's been driving herself trying to get Sam back even believing that he'd be right back in Celia's arms the moment they found him.

Imagining a world where Sam's just... gone, no take backs, nothing she can do...

"...she was all on her own. Wasn't she." No one left. Just her. Her and her dreams of a dead man. God.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, not even pausing as he brought her hands to his face, resting against them. It really was good to just be here with her. After all of the time they had spent avoiding one another and then being back there and being separated. It feels right just sitting in a silent moment with her.

"I couldn't wrap my head around how someone could love someone else so much that they'd do that to themselves...Georgie said it wasn't love it was grief but....but they're the same once someone's gone right? You grieve someone you love. The ore you love them the harder you grieve."

He doesn't want to ask her if she really loves him that much, he's not even sure what he would do with that. Right now he's raw and knows that he shouldn't jump to anything. It's something he has to sit with and think. But damn if it isn't hard not to just pull Alice close to him and not let go after knowing that there was some version of her that had been in so much pain.

Her thumbs stroke an arc over his cheeks, basking in the familiar warmth and skin beneath her own. He's okay. He's okay. They're... they're okay.

"...yeah. When someone you love dies there's— nowhere for that love to go anymore but grief, I guess."

It makes sense. Too much sense. Too easy to imagine. Would that have happened to her, if they'd stayed together and something had happened to him? Maybe. Probably. She doesn't know. Maybe the whole end of the world thing make things worse for this other Alice. Maybe that's the reason she took it so badly.

"They made it through the end of the world and he died of appendicitis. That'd drive anyone mad. Right?"

(Maybe. But it's not the only reason and she knows it.)

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[OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

For Alice

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