ph_logs | [OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

[OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

Who: Alice Dyer (

closureisformovies), Samama "Sam" Khalid (

huntingtruths) & you!
What: Alice and Sam arrive back from their canon update
When: Early May
Where: Around, locations in prompts
Warnings: Reference to gun violence; typical horror protagonist things; specifics in headers. Magnus Protocol Spoilers up to Episode 40.
Notes: Open prompts for both Alice and Sam will be down in the comments! Body of the post is meta/closed to Sam.

It's just her luck, really. Goes to talk to some spooky external— thing and don't even die because it's dangerous, oh no, that'd be too logical. She was prepared for that risk. Getting accidentally shot by her overeager bodyguard she didn't ask for? That's the level of absurdity that her life is made of, these days, so of course that's what happened instead.

(Gwen Bouchard, when she fucking sees you again...)

The memories hit when Mortanne welcomes her back and with it, the fact that Sam was here, too, the first time, so if she's here again, then surely— maybe— she almost doesn't dare to ask but she does and Mortanne says yes, and, well, after that it's all she can do not to cry with relief.

She's alone on the ferry, except for ferryman. It's the most nervewracking few minutes of travel of her life and she spends it shifting from foot to foot, scratching at her arm, pulling at her hair—nervous, scared, anxious, excited, she doesn't know. She just knows that Mortanne wouldn't lie. So she pays her fare, steps off the boat, and then stands on the dock to wait.

She's not going anywhere until he turns up. She doesn't care how long it takes.

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At least he's not avoiding telling her, he just doesn't want to dump it all on her at once.

And then she mentions Collin being dead and Sam's face falls. He was hoping that one of her few friends would have been around for her. But left with Gwen who she doesn't get along with and Celia who definitely was more than likely not going to help as much as she was pretending to...it makes him angrier than he's been in a while.

"Wait. Starkwall? Since when is the OIAR working with them? Since when are you working with some pseudo-military group?"

"It was Gwen's idea," she snorts derisively. Fat lot of good that brainwave did her. "I wanted to follow up on this meeting Colin had made with this— External, and Gwen wouldn't let me go unless I took the stupid security guy with me. He was completely fucking useless and started firing wildly at the first sign of actual danger. Guess he clipped me and now... here I am again."

Dead a second time over. Fuck, how long has even passed here since they left? The season still seems about the same. Can't have been that long, then.

"It was totally pointless, the monster thing was actually pretty chill when he wasn't being threatened by a dick waving American."

Sam blinked as he listened to her, surprised but also....somehow not. Of course everything would go to shit with Lena gone. He may not have liked the lady but at least she knew what the hell she was doing. She knew more about everything than any of them did. Damn it Gwen.

And it got Alice killed. Again.

"We'll get back to 'chill monsters' in a minute. But seriously? After all the reports about them making things worse?" He has to take his hands and scrub at his face letting out an exasperated sigh. "There is so much I need to tell you...but we shouldn't do it here. Might be better to find somewhere comfortable to sit? Some place more private than the docks?"

Right, yeah. Their surroundings snap back into focus. The ferry is gone again but they're still on the docks where anyone could come by, new or old.

"Yeah, good— good plan. Uh. Maybe we haven't been gone long enough for them to empty our places?"

She finally, reluctantly, lets go entirely to pat herself down for keys. It's a walk into town, but there isn't anywhere much more private than inside, even with nosy neighbours. Unfortunately, no keys. Probably have to pick them back up from town hall. Ugh.

"Orrrr there might be a quiet spot on the beach. Fuck if I remember."

Sam has to bite back the urge to hold onto her again. It's hard, after everything that had happened and what he had heard back in that other version of London. When neither of them can find their keys he just shakes his head.

"We can find somewhere to sit on the beach...that's fine." He mostly just really rather be sitting down when he told her about the other Alice and everything he had seen. Everything he has found out.

"Beach it is, then."

She almost makes a joke about finding sand for days after this but doesn't, it doesn't quite feel right. Something is up. A lot of things are up. The whole world feels like it's been upended ever since Sam went through that portal and she was too late to stop it.

She tugs at his wrist and heads down the dock, turning off onto the beach. There are places along the sand that are a little more sheltered from watching eyes, natural rock and the like. Places they can sit.

She sits down with her knees to her chest.

The only time he pulls his wrist away is to instead grab her hand with his own, not saying a single word about it. It's grounding, having her here. He had wanted something familiar back in that world and of course it had been her. Not his parents or any other friends.

Her.

It was always Alice.

When they get settled he buries his face in his hands for a long moment before letting out a long sigh.

"I need to start at the beginning...right before you apparently showed up." He starts, going on to explain as much as he can. How Celia had brought him there to sacrifice him or something. How she had lied to them all that time. He talked about the Archivist and how it had followed him, how it killed people. He tells her about Georgie and Melanie and how they were suspicious of him but ultimately seemed pretty cool.

"And then we were trying to figure out what happened to the me of that place and...well the only person I could think about looking for who might know was you. With how you greeted me just now....I think it's safe to say you aren't very different between the two." Well, other than the Alice there being a wreck with grief.

It takes every bit of self-control she has not to interject. The sting of betrayal is ice cold, a chill that spreads from her chest down her spine—weeks, weeks of working beside Celia, of telling her it wasn't her fault, of talking about getting Sam back and Celia never quite letting up on the idea he was dead, that they should leave it...

That traitorous bitch—

Her face betrays every bit of anger, one fist white knuckle against the ground whilst the other grips Sam's shoulder. She's about ready to start spitting venom by the time he's done, but then he's talking about another her. And that takes the wind out of those angry sails.

"What, did she jump and snog you too?" comes out like a joke, self-deprecating and trying to regain control over that particular impulsive act at once, before she blinks and— "Oh fuck off she actually did, didn't she?"

"Yeah well....I mean she hadn't seen her Sam since...since I got appendicitis. Remember that? For us it was fine, I was in hospital for a bit and then got better." Sam shakes his head. "He didn't. The hospitals and everything there, they're messed up. They don't have a lot of things we're used to. Full societal collapse sort of end of the world. He died."

He has to take a moment to really let that sink in before he drops what he still feels is a lot bigger at least for them in a personal way. He looks up at her.

"Alice, they were married." He's not sure if he wants to share the weird hellscape description the other Alice gave him but he will at least share something. "That place, it was taken over by Fear, literally. People were in these things, they called them domains or something...and some people shared them. They were places where people were tortured or were the torturers. We shared one and the way she described it....it was terrifying but also...it was really intense." That wasn't love Sam, that was grief. But once someone's gone, what's the difference?

"She would take this medication to make herself dream....because when they dream they relive their nightmares. She wanted to see him again so she would make herself dream."

Married.

Back up. That universe's Sam, dead of one of the most preventable, routine organ failures known to man. She remembers visiting him in the hospital, leaving that stupid magazine under his pillow just for the fun of it. One of the few times they saw each other in person since they split. She'd heard and been worried, swung by just to see that he was okay. Even now it's hard to imagine him dying of something so... mundane.

"...sounds kinda like Gerry's world," comes out easier than anything else, the words to talk about that strange tangle of emotions taking time to unknot themselves into sentences. "But worse. Like something happened."

End of the world. Yeah, sounds about right.

She tries to find words for another five, ten seconds before all what comes out is an emphatic: "FFFFFuck." She can't keep her eyes on him, they end up on the sky as she throws her head back and drags her hands down her face. "Married. What the fuck. We'd barely even..."

Even brushed up against the topic. Wasn't like she hadn't thought about it. Wasn't like she hadn't wanted it. Back then it really felt like Sam was her future. Until he wasn't.

"And— drugging herself to..." Exhale. "I-I don't even know what to do with that, Sam."

Shaking his head Sam can understand it's a lot.

"You get why I wanted somewhere to sit down? When she recalled it she was so precise and like....like she was reliving it in the moment. But I didn't notice how wrong that felt until we were leaving. Georgie found a tape recorder, which are apparently something that thing manifests? But we realized that it might have been the Archivist and we rushed back. I was so scared...I didn't...I didn't want to be the reason any version of you ended up dead."

Everything was fuzzy after that, it's hard to really remember what happened.

Reaching out he takes her hands in his, in that moment needing to feel warm hands in his and remind himself that she is there with him. They're both safe, for the most part, and they're together.

The lingering white-knuckle tension fades when he takes her hands and she breathes, tries to focus on the familiar, grounding touch and not the horrific implications of everything he's said. Tries not to think about how much sense it makes, how she can understand so easily how this— other her could end up in such a state. How mad she's been driving herself trying to get Sam back even believing that he'd be right back in Celia's arms the moment they found him.

Imagining a world where Sam's just... gone, no take backs, nothing she can do...

"...she was all on her own. Wasn't she." No one left. Just her. Her and her dreams of a dead man. God.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, not even pausing as he brought her hands to his face, resting against them. It really was good to just be here with her. After all of the time they had spent avoiding one another and then being back there and being separated. It feels right just sitting in a silent moment with her.

"I couldn't wrap my head around how someone could love someone else so much that they'd do that to themselves...Georgie said it wasn't love it was grief but....but they're the same once someone's gone right? You grieve someone you love. The ore you love them the harder you grieve."

He doesn't want to ask her if she really loves him that much, he's not even sure what he would do with that. Right now he's raw and knows that he shouldn't jump to anything. It's something he has to sit with and think. But damn if it isn't hard not to just pull Alice close to him and not let go after knowing that there was some version of her that had been in so much pain.

Her thumbs stroke an arc over his cheeks, basking in the familiar warmth and skin beneath her own. He's okay. He's okay. They're... they're okay.

"...yeah. When someone you love dies there's— nowhere for that love to go anymore but grief, I guess."

It makes sense. Too much sense. Too easy to imagine. Would that have happened to her, if they'd stayed together and something had happened to him? Maybe. Probably. She doesn't know. Maybe the whole end of the world thing make things worse for this other Alice. Maybe that's the reason she took it so badly.

"They made it through the end of the world and he died of appendicitis. That'd drive anyone mad. Right?"

(Maybe. But it's not the only reason and she knows it.)

Eyes slipping closed for just a moment, Sam lets himself lean into the touch. He's tired. After everything that has happened he's so tired. He feels like he can breath again and it's hard not to want to just curl up right then. It might be a thought to snag a room at the Oak and Iron tonight, at least until he can get his keys back.

Or something.

But Alice is talking and he's so glad she understands. He knew she would, he was there when she lost her parents. Knows that she of all the people he knows understands grief. He can't help but chuckle a bit at the gentle joke.

"Made it through the shit we couldn't and still in the end..." We....more like he. Shaking his head as much as he can without dislodging himself. "It's so good to see you again..."

"I knew we would. I knew I'd find you somehow."

She means it, despite the mad panic that's been driving her actions for weeks. She had to believe it, had to believe that somehow she'd pull it off, or she'd crack. And if she cracked then they'd stand no chance. She had to stay strong enough to push through.

Maybe this isn't how she planned it. Maybe at home there's still work to be done. But she was right. He's alive to be found. And until then, he's here.

Her eyes mist. "You're never allowed to go missing again, yeah? It does nothing for my work-life balance and makes me miss you so bad I look stupid in front of everyone."

Seeing the way her eyes mist over and the attempt at humor, Sam can't help put use the grip he already had on her hands to pull her into him and wrap his arms around her.

"I can't promise not to go missing but I can promise I will try my best not to. I wish it didn't happen in the first place." His thoughts turn to Celia again and there's a bitterness there now. He hates that she had lied to him, even if she said she really had liked him in the end she still planned on tossing him in that place with no care on if he lived or not. There was no way she could have known for certain.

Alice's arms wrap around him in turn, clinging on so very tight, and her face buries itself against his shoulder. She missed him, she missed him so fucking much.

"Good enough for me," she murmurs. If this is what it takes for him to be a little less impulsive about these things, she'll take it.

Her fists curl tight into his shirt. "I can't believe that— that sneak, she's been lying to my face for weeks—"

Sam feels himself relax more and can't help the chuckle at the anger he feels from her. He shouldn't laugh and he knows that. It's just hard when the laughter is from relief. Relief that someone else knows that they were betrayed now. That he was betrayed.

"She probably won't help you since...since she definitely doesn't want me telling you all what she did. But that place Alice...I can't blame her for not wanting to go back."

"Yeah, well, I haven't seen it, so I can," says the bitter part of her. Oh, she can see the logic that led the woman there, sure—she has the baby and everything. But... "Or at the very least I can fuckin' blame her for sending you there when she knew it was shit! Couldn't she've thrown Bouchard through instead?"

Now she's being silly, she knows.

"Yes you can," It's said in the fondest 'yes dear' sort of tone even as he can't help but chuckle. Right now he can laugh because it's Alice, later he'll surly be seething about it alone in his apartment. "Wow, resorting to last names with Gwen now? That bad?"

You may be joking but he knows that tone still Alice.

"Yeah. That bad." She huffs. "I got back to the office the day after you disappeared to her telling me Lena was gone and she was in charge! Still don't even know what she did to oust her, but we've been flying freaking blind ever since! Half the time she still tries to pretend the computers didn't eat Colin."

Beat.

"Yeah so the computers ate Colin. That's how he, y'know. I mean I know we always said the system was gonna be the death of him but, ha, I guess Freddy took that as a challenge."

If she doesn't joke about it she'll cry and that's worse.

There's a long pause where Sam gives her that look like he wants to comfort her, like he knows that Colin's death had to hurt. He'd seen that they were close, watched their banter and recognized it. Even if Alice was similar with a lot of people it was easy to tell when she actually liked a persons company if you knew what to look for.

"Damn it Freddy...now who's going to fix all of your stupid jmj errors?" He tried to joke, before sighing. "Sounds like you're having a hell of a time...wish I could be there with you. At least that'd be one less stressful thing, looking for a way to get me back I mean."

"Yeah, well, nothing's ever that easy." Not in her life, anyway. Everything keeps falling back on her shoulders, somehow—the only surprising part is that it involves monsters and interdimensional portals now, instead of day-to-day crap like keeping Luke from becoming a literal starving artist. "'Least now I know we're not on a wild goose chase and to ignore anything Celia says. And if that universe you've landed in really does have anything to do with Gerry's universe, maybe we he'll have like... a cheatsheet, I dunno."

It will not be that easy. But anything they can learn has to be helpful somehow, if they end up going home again after all this.

Though the idea of being separated from Sam by a whole universe again isn't an appealing through, even if they maybe, maybe figure out how to fix it sooner than later.

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[OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

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