[OPEN] And I'll dream each night of some version of you

[closureisformovies]

Who: Alice Dyer (closureisformovies), Samama "Sam" Khalid (huntingtruths) & you!
What: Alice and Sam arrive back from their canon update
When: Early May
Where: Around, locations in prompts
Warnings: Reference to gun violence; typical horror protagonist things; specifics in headers. Magnus Protocol Spoilers up to Episode 40.
Notes: Open prompts for both Alice and Sam will be down in the comments! Body of the post is meta/closed to Sam.



It's just her luck, really. Goes to talk to some spooky external— thing and don't even die because it's dangerous, oh no, that'd be too logical. She was prepared for that risk. Getting accidentally shot by her overeager bodyguard she didn't ask for? That's the level of absurdity that her life is made of, these days, so of course that's what happened instead.

(Gwen Bouchard, when she fucking sees you again...)

The memories hit when Mortanne welcomes her back and with it, the fact that Sam was here, too, the first time, so if she's here again, then surely— maybe— she almost doesn't dare to ask but she does and Mortanne says yes, and, well, after that it's all she can do not to cry with relief.

She's alone on the ferry, except for ferryman. It's the most nervewracking few minutes of travel of her life and she spends it shifting from foot to foot, scratching at her arm, pulling at her hair—nervous, scared, anxious, excited, she doesn't know. She just knows that Mortanne wouldn't lie. So she pays her fare, steps off the boat, and then stands on the dock to wait.

She's not going anywhere until he turns up. She doesn't care how long it takes.

Comments

[incomingchoppers]

Radar's been worrying about Alice ever since she stopped showing up to work. He really likes her; the way she's always cracking jokes reminds him of Hawkeye, sometimes, especially on busy days when they're all run a little ragged. Plus she's even taught him a little bit of slang from seventy years in the future, which makes him feel really cool.

(He does not sound cool. He sounds exactly like someone from the 1950s would trying to use slang from the 2020s, even though he's way younger than Alice.)

So why does he feel so awful for a split second when he sees her again? Why does he think, it's not fair, before he recoils in horror at how mean it is to be thinking something like that?

"Oh, I'm leaving to go work at Baker Ranch full time," he says, a little vaguely. "I dunno for how long. But -- where're you been? Are you okay?"

The best way to shake the last of that mean thought from his head: check up on his friend. Remind himself, sternly, that he is glad she's back and looking mostly okay.

[closureisformovies]

"Oh, shit, for real? Did something happen? Are you like, okay?"

What is it with her leaving for a minute and coming back to find out everyone's managed to get into some situation or other? Colin got eaten by a computer in the few hours she was away from the office, Gwen somehow got Lena sacked and took over, Sam got himself attacked by an External in the time it took her to get a drink with Teddy... not to mention everything after that.

She clears her throat. "But uh, yeah, no, I'm fine. Mostly fine. Me and Sam got sent home for a bit, not sure why, dunno if we learned anything important or just got fresh new funky trauma on our way to nearly dying again. Hard to say."

[incomingchoppers]

Radar winces a bit. "Gee, I hope you got a little bit of something out of it," he says. "Going home and coming back for no reason..."

Well. Sometimes there isn't a reason. A lot of times, actually. Sometimes people just -- have bad things happen to them, and there's no story and no why. There's just hurt.

He looks down at the folders, which, he finally realizes, he's been shuffling around for close to ten minutes without actually moving them anywhere. Radar double-checks the labels again. It gives him something to do when he says, very quietly, "Mr. Rambo's gone. For good. So... so somebody's gotta make sure the ranch keeps going. And I know enough about farming it'll be easier than Edgar takin' over the whole thing alone."

[closureisformovies]

"We're less awkward now, so there's that?" That's something. And as far as coming back here goes, finding out Sam's not doomed is a blessing.

If Radar had gone on to say anything else she might even have made a joke about her odds of getting back with her ex having rocketed sharply upwards, but that takes the wind out of even her humourous sails a little.

"Aw, hell, Radar, I'm sorry. That's..." Fuck she is not all that good at comforting condolences on the fly. She rubs at her neck a bit. "...that blows, yeah. I remember what it was like having to step up after—" she clears her throat, "anyway, uh. Yeah. It's not gonna be the same around this place without you flitting about but you gotta do what you gotta do."

[incomingchoppers]

Still low: "Yeah. I-I mean, maybe I'll come back, I dunno. If Edgar gets good enough at being in charge..."

Oh. The folders're from that project he adopted when Alice left. Absently, he holds them out to her as he says, "It's not the first time I had to do something like this, after Colonel Blake died there was a whole lotta stuff to sort out too." (Which makes this time worse, he tries not to think. As if John hadn't kinda slotted into the same spot as Colonel Blake already -- half CO, half dad. Oh, he doesn't want to do this again, not any of it.) "But it really does stink. 'M sorry you know what it's like too."

[closureisformovies]

"Yeah. My uh." She clears her throat again as she automatically accepts the folders from him. "My parents died when I was maybe a few years older than you and we didn't have any extended family, really, and my brother was still a teenager so it kinda all fell on me."

That's where everything really started to go downhill. The breakup was a shock to the system but her parents dying in front of her, that was less of a shock more of a lightning strike. After that, it was just her and Luke and he was barely an adult, plus he decided to try and make his living on music and... well she's been paying his way for years, now.

"I actually had to move and get a job I didn't really want 'cuz of it, so. Yeah, I mean. I get it. It sucks."

[incomingchoppers]

Radar's face falls. (Well, falls further.)

"Oh, jeez," he says quietly. "That's so awful. At least when my dad died I still had my mom around, if it was just me I dunno what I woulda done. Especially since I was just a baby."

Which is just it, isn't it. He would've been the one getting looked after by somebody, maybe Norm or Ethel even if they're half-siblings and not full-siblings, not the one doing the looking-after. That's what makes this so hard. It's a kind of stepping up he's done all the time in Korea, but it's so much different like this. So much harder; so much worse, and he doesn't quite know why.

He blurts out, "How'd you keep it all together?"

[closureisformovies]

"Oh, you know, the good old British stiff upper lip," she half-jokes, before, more seriously, "nah, I uh, I had a pretty rough time of it where I was mostly coasting on sheer stubborn force of will to get it all done before I cracked. Luke needed me to be strong enough to get us through it, so... I did. Probably not healthy if I'm gonna be real frank. Not sure how much I slept. Sam helped out a bit, with stuff that needed more than one pair of hands, but then... I dunno. He had big boy lawyer stuff to do and I got on with it. Probably should've asked some other friends."

But she didn't. She never had been great at asking for help, but it was worse then. She figured she just had to put on her big girl pants and do it. Sort out the funeral, close out their various accounts, clear the house and sell it, move to London and get a shitty night job so she could pay for a flat.

Luke was counting on her.

"So, yeah. Probably don't do what I did. I'm most useful as a bad example."

[incomingchoppers]

Radar hears what you're saying, Alice, but counterpoint: what if he did it all himself.

...Okay, no, not really. He hears what she's saying, and this time, he tries not to wince because it all sounds really, really familiar. Someone else describing the same bad things you did -- are doing -- sure makes them sound a heck of a lot worse. No sleep, taking on everything because someone's counting on you, not asking for help, working and working and working until you're right on the edge of cracking --

Maybe it's not so great he's acting like this after all.

(But it's still gotta get done. And if not him, then who?)

"Might be too late for some of that," he mumbles. "Or most of it. Um. All of it. But -- I'll try to do better. I guess."

[closureisformovies]

"Sometimes we can only learn things the hard way. Believe me, I usually do."

Time and again. From screwing things up with Sam to realising keeping her head down wasn't helping anyone to the whole Aster situation. Just once it'd be nice to figure things out without everything going to shit first, but she supposes that'd be too easy.

She claps her hands. "So! You want a hand finishing up here?"

[incomingchoppers]

"No, I think I -- "

Wait a minute. Is that a trick question?? Radar almost smiles, for the first time in days, and straightens up to his full height. (Which is still below Alice's shoulders.)

"Yes," he says, very solemn and deliberate. "I'd like some help, ma'am."

[closureisformovies]

Alice grins, both genuine and a little bit cheeky. "Good lad. C'mon, just point me at anything that still needs sorted or packed up, should even help get me back into work brain."

Might be baby steps but baby steps are still steps, so it's a win.