[Open] Hail to da King

[staybizzy]

have it your way, Pumpkin Hollow!

Hail to da king

There is a Burger King in Pumpkin Hollow.

Why? That is a fantastic question. Considering the fact that this is a Victorian-esque village in a fantasy world that has never even heard of Burger King, one can only assume it was created by a modern individual with a mischievous sense of humor. This is only further implied by the interesting set of rules on the wall...

At some point during February of 16:55, the role of "The Burger King" is bestowed upon one Capochin Bastone, Grillmaster Extraordinare, by the Daedric Prince Sheogorath. Since then, he's hired a few of the locals (mostly younger folks) to work the shop and checks in on it daily, but largely lets the thing run itself. Still, he could really use a general manager...

Well, anyway. Feel free to grab a seat, get yourself a Whopper, check out the Help Wanted sign, or just hang out! If you're lucky with your timing, you may just see a little blue man in a fuzzy red robe far too long for him and a paper crown hop up onto the enormous throne to hold court. He sure does look pleased with himself.

Comments

[blindwatchersees]

Before the coronation, even, there is the invitation.

The spirits of the Aurbis have many faces, each of them ascribed to them by the peoples who know them as one thing or another.

So when the Madgod decides to show up to the smell of great godly grilling, it’s in a form of incoherent glory- a stooped treant-like figure, draped in a mantle of fungus and lichen, topped with a stone head of three faces from which hangs a beard of moss.

The voice it speaks with is not so incoherent as the Worm, but it’s still an inhuman sound- like rapid staccato notes played on the cello, occasionally getting excited enough to take on a viola’s tendencies instead.

“I think you may be exactly what the people need.”

[staybizzy]

Capochin turns from his grill, looking up, then back to his food, then double-taking before finally realizing he ought to be startled.

"AH!"

He leaps directly up on impulse, hurling himself at the brick siding of the house he shares with Hector. His claws dig into the mortar as he beholds the source of the voice. "Wh-- what--- Tree?????"

Some kind of nature god??

[blindwatchersees]

"A tree. A song. A bad idea. Something out of the corner of your eye that was never there." Its voice drips with whimsy, then menace, deepening and spiraling into dark, uncomfortable places. The suddenly, it rises up again, like an excited choir of crickets.

"I suppose you could say I'm an oracle of sorts, but not the sort you should always trust. I think you ought to trust me now, though. Of course, that might not be something you should take my word for!"

The tree-thing shifts at its edges, as the gathered swarm of butterflies rearranges itself, expanding into a cloud of ever-shifting hues, and then compressing itself into the shape of an old man who looks the very definition of a trickster. He's grinning such a smile that it threatens to escape his face.

"I must say, that smells delightful!"

[staybizzy]

These odd quirks, the changes in tone and talking foliage and shapeshifting, they might terrify nearly anyone or anything else. But Capochin's been in the presence of gods most of his life now, and very little phases him now.

If anything, the guy just reminds him of Cobigail.

"Well, if you're a liar sometimes, I at least know you're tellin' da truth about da food. I know for a fact my food smells as good as it tastes!" Today, it's shish kebabs. Gotta find a way to get more vegetables in Hector's diet so he doesn't die again. He holds one up by the skewer for his visitor, offering it.

[blindwatchersees]

The visitor accepts the kebab, raising it to his mouth… and not quite getting there, as his beard reaches out to taste it first, the hairs testing it like tiny fungal fibers before he actually puts it in his mouth, biting down with two layers of teeth.

“Hmm, delicious, and arguably nutritious! Let’s see… I taste a strong work ethic, unrivaled devotion, and just a hint of fermented self-loathing in the aftertaste. Gives it some real character!”

[staybizzy]

Okay the beard thing is weird, and it takes every ounce of Capochin's self-control not to look deeply perturbed. He manages to get out of it with just a nose wrinkle. He has less success hiding his displeasure at the remark, opening his mouth as if to protest and then quickly closing it again.

Okay, true, but hey.

"Man, what's da big idea? What're you gettin' at?"

[blindwatchersees]

"Well, you see, I've a bit of a vested interest in the success of this domain and its lord. Such a duty does not come easily to everyone."

[staybizzy]

"Izzat so?" A domain? A lordship? Color Capochin begrudgingly interested. "What kinda domain we talkin' about here, bub?"

[blindwatchersees]

"Why, the Domain of the Burger King, of course. His Eminence of Convenience and Comfort. His Lordship of the Empowerment of the Individual. He who decrees 'Have It Your Way'. His throne sits absent, his glory unrepresented. Without him, the very notion of this place risks growing static. Sad, sorry, corporate, grey, boring."

[staybizzy]

It takes Capochin a moment to process all of that flowery language. For a moment it almost feels like talking to Click Clack. But the pieces start clicking together after a moment and---

"Wait, you're askin' me to be a king of burgers???" That's sure a step up from grillmaster.

[blindwatchersees]

"Something like that. It's quite the responsibility, you know. Not something to take lightly, though of course, I won't stop you."

His forms stirs again, and for a brief moment, briefer than a blink, that tree-thing is there again, before he's back to the old man.

"It means there will be times where you have to stop being you, taking the role of the Burger King instead. One of the laws of this place, a peculiar bit of its contract and its magic."

He might be right, but he could also be spouting total nonsense.

[staybizzy]

"Dat's awful serious business, over some hamburgers," he remarks, raising a skeptical brow. Hypocrisy, coming from him. "Do I gotta, like... fill out paperwoik or somethin'?"

[blindwatchersees]

“I have no idea! That’s Town Hall business, and for once, signing off on matters of the realm isn’t my responsibility! Wonderful, isn’t it? Why, I could make a few heads roll in celebration! Ah, but that’s not very good for food safety, is it?”

[staybizzy]

"It'd probably be bad for PR, too," Capochin notes. He shrugs. "Maybe we oughta just stick to streamers n' confetti?"

Gods. He's really doing this. What has he gotten himself into?

[blindwatchersees]

"Ah, you understand! Wonderful!" he chirps. "Yes, heads and entrails are really more for a different sort of occasion. It's good to know someone so discerning is in such a position!"