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Happiness at such praise, such approval - oh, it's as sweet as birdsong in the late morning, for how her heart leaps and bounds. And yet, there will always be that ache, a scar that will forever remain. Somehow, she wants to say, they'll manage to mend this gap. But maybe not. And she will have to bear it, as she's borne many other things.
Still, Helena knows, they had some time. Bitter comes, but the sweet is still there.
"Yes. I can hardly believe how time has passed since then - but I'll forever be grateful that it occurred." A little more formal than she meant it to sound, but she doesn't want to drag down the mood here. She can let her own private impossible dreams come later. "And...sorry if we seemed on the verge of announcing a crisis. We really haven't told anyone yet but you. This is all so new."
Still, Helena knows, they had some time. Bitter comes, but the sweet is still there.
"Yes. I can hardly believe how time has passed since then - but I'll forever be grateful that it occurred." A little more formal than she meant it to sound, but she doesn't want to drag down the mood here. She can let her own private impossible dreams come later. "And...sorry if we seemed on the verge of announcing a crisis. We really haven't told anyone yet but you. This is all so new."
"Of course. Here, I'll grab your coat." He wouldn't want her getting too cold out there. This, too, is a way of saying 'I love you'.
She can hold it together long enough to get outside, breathing in the crisp air to try and steady herself. She can keep it together. Don't cry on his birthday. Even if ultimately it comes from a place of happiness, of relief, he shouldn't need to comfort her through it on a day when she wants him to feel cared about.
Deep breaths. And maybe don't look at him. It still all threatens to boil over again.
Deep breaths. And maybe don't look at him. It still all threatens to boil over again.
Mourner's Night has come and gone, and Valdis's sending stone hums with a message, one Fever's all too happy to send.
"Please tell me you're not trapped at work. I have to see you."
Even over the rock, there's a warmth in her voice, excitement peeking through. Sure, she could share her news like this, but she'd rather bring herself, and let Valdis perceive it. Like this, Fever feels like she could do anything, even glide through the space that the Enforcers use without a twinge of her nerves.
"Please tell me you're not trapped at work. I have to see you."
Even over the rock, there's a warmth in her voice, excitement peeking through. Sure, she could share her news like this, but she'd rather bring herself, and let Valdis perceive it. Like this, Fever feels like she could do anything, even glide through the space that the Enforcers use without a twinge of her nerves.
No. Valdis isn't at work when Fever calls her over the sending stone, she's been at home, waiting for her partner to contact her for several agonizing hours. She felt every moment, and it took all her self control to not abandon what she was doing and hunt Fever and the others down. But she knew that if Fever had wanted her there, she would have asked.
She can feel, even now, that Fever is lighter, the sound of her voice, the feel of her soul, currently farther from her than she would like, but all points to good news. News that she should hear from Fever's own lips instead of assuming or trying to figure it out herself. Empathy can only get someone so far and she wants Fever to relate it all to her in her own words.
"I'm at home, been waiting for you."
She can feel, even now, that Fever is lighter, the sound of her voice, the feel of her soul, currently farther from her than she would like, but all points to good news. News that she should hear from Fever's own lips instead of assuming or trying to figure it out herself. Empathy can only get someone so far and she wants Fever to relate it all to her in her own words.
"I'm at home, been waiting for you."
"I won't keep you waiting too long."
She knows that Valdis knew what was happening - not the intimate details, but the energy of it, much like overhearing something you cannot see, cannot make out clearly. Far enough to remain obscure, and in need of a messenger to bring the news.
And Fever keeps her word, not wasting any more time on the call. She's coming, she's coming, and while she never will cease living in chaos, something that was muted and dulled has been brought back to brightness. Life, strong and steady in her veins, as much as it was yesterday and the day before. She's well. She's perfectly well, in spite of every worry and misgiving and moment of stress they had, everything that could have gone wrong.
"Valdis!"
She calls when she's near the outside of the house in lieu of stepping up to knock, knowing her partner will be able to sense that she's nearby. Open the door, it's still chilly today.
She knows that Valdis knew what was happening - not the intimate details, but the energy of it, much like overhearing something you cannot see, cannot make out clearly. Far enough to remain obscure, and in need of a messenger to bring the news.
And Fever keeps her word, not wasting any more time on the call. She's coming, she's coming, and while she never will cease living in chaos, something that was muted and dulled has been brought back to brightness. Life, strong and steady in her veins, as much as it was yesterday and the day before. She's well. She's perfectly well, in spite of every worry and misgiving and moment of stress they had, everything that could have gone wrong.
"Valdis!"
She calls when she's near the outside of the house in lieu of stepping up to knock, knowing her partner will be able to sense that she's nearby. Open the door, it's still chilly today.
The door opens.
It takes a lot to break the poise she embodies with every breath, but the mere sight of Fever, alive, well, still the same, but also somehow so much more than she had once been, causes Valdis to throw all her careful masking aside. She pulls Fever to her, drawing her into a kiss, one filled with all the relief, joy and happiness she holds for the woman she loves.
Words can happen later.
It takes a lot to break the poise she embodies with every breath, but the mere sight of Fever, alive, well, still the same, but also somehow so much more than she had once been, causes Valdis to throw all her careful masking aside. She pulls Fever to her, drawing her into a kiss, one filled with all the relief, joy and happiness she holds for the woman she loves.
Words can happen later.
What she gives in return is gentleness, something that once felt so foreign but now feels necessary, possible. Even when she breaks it, she brings their foreheads together, letting her take in some of the changes. There is room to breathe - fitful emotions that barely managed to coexist can now flow, and above all, a deep and serene sense of relief. What would try and whisper hatred with every breath has been removed - not merely unbound but uprooted, and in its place, something that actually has a chance to grow and flower if not fed solely on blood.
It worked. It worked. And she could dance, she could sing, she could run across the entire island with the strength of this joy.
It worked. It worked. And she could dance, she could sing, she could run across the entire island with the strength of this joy.
As the kiss breaks and they stand in silence, as they have done so many times before, with their foreheads pressed together, Valdis reaches out to explore the soul she knows so well. Gently, carefully. It's exhilarating to be feel the lightness, the joy, the beautiful freedom she's been wishing for Fever since they met. The rage that always simmered and the lingering lust to spill blood have vanished, replaced with a happiness she hopes to one day feel for herself.
"I can't feel him anymore," she whispers. "You're free."
"I can't feel him anymore," she whispers. "You're free."
"I tore him out."
A fitting end for that fragment, that ghost that was haunting her and keeping that connection open. Now there is uncertainty, where there was a direct path of what he wanted, and yet Fever revels in it. Trading a set end of despair for potential, for choice, for the chance to keep forging her own path. She will still be violent, she will still be capable of all she was, but now it ends when she chooses it to. Now she can stay her hand, or commit.
"And I feel so much, and I don't know whether I want to laugh or weep or lie down in the snow and kiss the ground. Everything is different."
But it's a difference she's needed.
A fitting end for that fragment, that ghost that was haunting her and keeping that connection open. Now there is uncertainty, where there was a direct path of what he wanted, and yet Fever revels in it. Trading a set end of despair for potential, for choice, for the chance to keep forging her own path. She will still be violent, she will still be capable of all she was, but now it ends when she chooses it to. Now she can stay her hand, or commit.
"And I feel so much, and I don't know whether I want to laugh or weep or lie down in the snow and kiss the ground. Everything is different."
But it's a difference she's needed.
Darcy ducks their head a little at the praise. It's always impossible to bear just how much pride Phil seems to have in them, how complete his love for them is. Overwhelming as stepping into a grand old cathedral, and knowing that its spires climb higher than can be seen from the inside.
They stretch a hand across the table and give two small taps for Helena to find their hand with. It's not hard to read how touched Helena is by it, and this... it wasn't on their mind when they proposed. But it's something that is clear to their mind now, in this room, having Phil be so pleased for them. It's about folding Helena into their family, the same people who give them warmth and safety, offering that to her too. Helena will probably always miss her dad as long as they're separated, but she has Phil now just as she has Darcy. Their home is her home.
"Thanks, mum," they offer quietly, before adding onto Helena's comment-
"And we're going to keep it quiet, too. Just for now. But. It's important you know."
They stretch a hand across the table and give two small taps for Helena to find their hand with. It's not hard to read how touched Helena is by it, and this... it wasn't on their mind when they proposed. But it's something that is clear to their mind now, in this room, having Phil be so pleased for them. It's about folding Helena into their family, the same people who give them warmth and safety, offering that to her too. Helena will probably always miss her dad as long as they're separated, but she has Phil now just as she has Darcy. Their home is her home.
"Thanks, mum," they offer quietly, before adding onto Helena's comment-
"And we're going to keep it quiet, too. Just for now. But. It's important you know."
The 'momma' cat allows them to be picked up, but places 'herself' in such a position that 'her' baby stays close to her.
Now's the part where you start mewing as weakly and as sadly as possible, Fever hears in her head, while Sheo twists his head to fix an unflinching gaze on Max.
Now's the part where you start mewing as weakly and as sadly as possible, Fever hears in her head, while Sheo twists his head to fix an unflinching gaze on Max.
It sounds like a single note held and echoing, spreading far beyond the reach of whatever instrument played it. A great unfolding, like flowers in spring. Sometimes Radar doesn't have the right words for what he hears, but that's the best way he can think to describe it. More space to stretch, to breathe. Relief.
He's smiling, quiet and fond, as he props his elbow on the coop's roof and his chin in his hand. All he does is watch Fever pet the chicken for a little bit.
"You sound a lot happier," he finally offers, soft.
He's smiling, quiet and fond, as he props his elbow on the coop's roof and his chin in his hand. All he does is watch Fever pet the chicken for a little bit.
"You sound a lot happier," he finally offers, soft.
"You can tell?"
Of course he can. She isn't trying to hide it, after all. Fever doesn't think she even could.
"There's been some changes. Or well, one big change."
She should just tell him, but she can't resist a little leadup.
Of course he can. She isn't trying to hide it, after all. Fever doesn't think she even could.
"There's been some changes. Or well, one big change."
She should just tell him, but she can't resist a little leadup.
And yet, beneath all that difference, it’s still her Fever and the fears she had kept hidden never needed to be thought of in the first place. She’s here, she’s free for the first time in her life, free to finally feel what she wants to feel, to explore everything life has to offer her without the violent intrusive thoughts. Without the headache. Without worrying she will hurt those she cares about.
As happy as this all makes her, she still remembers the feeling of him trying to tear Fever away from her. Well, not just from her, but from life, from Pumpkin Hollow, from everyone who loves her.
She’ll need to thank Mortanne.
“You can do anything you want to do. That’s what being free means.”
As happy as this all makes her, she still remembers the feeling of him trying to tear Fever away from her. Well, not just from her, but from life, from Pumpkin Hollow, from everyone who loves her.
She’ll need to thank Mortanne.
“You can do anything you want to do. That’s what being free means.”
What headaches come, they'll be physical, not a punishment for disobedience. What thoughts cross her mind, they will not enter her hands unless she makes a decision. The lifting of such a weight off her spirit and soul leaves her light, and she laughs, full of too much joy to restrain it.
"I can actually consider what a future means." One more chuckle. "Though, for the nearest future, let me step inside and not let all the warmth out of the house."
Neither of them will freeze, but she wants to step in and embrace Valdis properly.
"I can actually consider what a future means." One more chuckle. "Though, for the nearest future, let me step inside and not let all the warmth out of the house."
Neither of them will freeze, but she wants to step in and embrace Valdis properly.
"Yes, of course."
She pulls Fever into the house. The fire is crackling in the fireplace, Ava and Shasta are curled up in front of it, but Anani is making his way over to wind around their legs before they can get too far into the house. Valdis closes the door, trapping the heat back inside.
"Come on, we can sit on the sofa in front of the fire with the girls and...tea?"
Now that Fever doesn't feel as if she will snuff out the light she wants to stand in, do they really just go back to how things were before? Or would things be different now?
Such questions linger even if they had just kissed on the porch in the freezing weather.
She pulls Fever into the house. The fire is crackling in the fireplace, Ava and Shasta are curled up in front of it, but Anani is making his way over to wind around their legs before they can get too far into the house. Valdis closes the door, trapping the heat back inside.
"Come on, we can sit on the sofa in front of the fire with the girls and...tea?"
Now that Fever doesn't feel as if she will snuff out the light she wants to stand in, do they really just go back to how things were before? Or would things be different now?
Such questions linger even if they had just kissed on the porch in the freezing weather.
"Please."
It's their ritual, after all, and even before she starts to pull off her coat, she bends down to stroke the cat, a little hello in his language to know he's been properly admired and adored before the others attend to their business. And then the rest is as easy as it's ever been, to hang her things and go to the sofa, basking in the warmth that the fire offers.
Maybe it's just her own perception, but she could swear that she exists more in the present moment like this. The comfort, the calm, the perfect picture of the girls napping by the fire. It's a marvel, and she doesn't think it'll ever stop.
It's their ritual, after all, and even before she starts to pull off her coat, she bends down to stroke the cat, a little hello in his language to know he's been properly admired and adored before the others attend to their business. And then the rest is as easy as it's ever been, to hang her things and go to the sofa, basking in the warmth that the fire offers.
Maybe it's just her own perception, but she could swear that she exists more in the present moment like this. The comfort, the calm, the perfect picture of the girls napping by the fire. It's a marvel, and she doesn't think it'll ever stop.
The moment Fever had called her, she had set about making the tea. She chose something rich, flavorful and earthy for today, a tea that feels warm in addition to actually being warm. It's almost finished steeping, so she grabs the teacups from the cupboard as well as the sugar cubes.
Anani accepts the tribute and makes his way back to the fire, tail high in the air as if he owns the place. He snuggles up next to Ava, purring madly while the doglike creature ignores him.
"Please take a seat, I'll bring the tea over in a moment."
Anani accepts the tribute and makes his way back to the fire, tail high in the air as if he owns the place. He snuggles up next to Ava, purring madly while the doglike creature ignores him.
"Please take a seat, I'll bring the tea over in a moment."
"Of course I am."
He motions to one of the hospital cotts. It's a place to sit, at least. Somehow inviting her to the back of his clinic, where he lives, feels...
Well, let's just say that despite how sparse and utilitarian his clinic feels, his living situation is even worse.
"Would you like me to put on some tea?" He asks.
He motions to one of the hospital cotts. It's a place to sit, at least. Somehow inviting her to the back of his clinic, where he lives, feels...
Well, let's just say that despite how sparse and utilitarian his clinic feels, his living situation is even worse.
"Would you like me to put on some tea?" He asks.
And Radar can't resist being led toward a good story, no matter how many detours it may take.
Eagerly: "Yeah? What is it?"
Eagerly: "Yeah? What is it?"
"Mortanne and Father and me - we came together, and we wove a great spell, and we found the part of me I was trying so hard to stop and control. And we tore it out, Radar. We got it out."
The joy of it fills her, as she impulsively presses her cheek to the hen in her arms just to feel the softness of the feathers there. Her mind will always be chaos, she will always know the allure of violence, she will always have thoughts - but her hands are her own. Her choices are her own. It's what she wanted all this time.
"I'm free. I don't have to worry that something else is going to take over. I don't have to hurt anyone if I don't want to anymore."
The joy of it fills her, as she impulsively presses her cheek to the hen in her arms just to feel the softness of the feathers there. Her mind will always be chaos, she will always know the allure of violence, she will always have thoughts - but her hands are her own. Her choices are her own. It's what she wanted all this time.
"I'm free. I don't have to worry that something else is going to take over. I don't have to hurt anyone if I don't want to anymore."
The kitten is easy enough to pick up - a small, extremely fluffed out thing, looking vaguely like it stuck a fork in an electrical socket, letting out only a tiny, pathetic mew as she gets settled. Max is warm, and she's basking in it, letting herself be carried away. Actually, this is the one perk to being small, she's finding - she can find situations to be carried around.
The question though is where they're going. If it's Max's house...well. She hopes Valdis isn't home, for she'd sense the ruse immediately. Anani will be another hurdle, if he recognizes her. But perhaps he will be too bemused by the form to do much about it.
The question though is where they're going. If it's Max's house...well. She hopes Valdis isn't home, for she'd sense the ruse immediately. Anani will be another hurdle, if he recognizes her. But perhaps he will be too bemused by the form to do much about it.
"If it's not any trouble, sure. Might ease the conversation."
Things she's learned from life - to never turn down free food or drink when it's offered. And she's far from too proud to sit on a cot, or even the floor, but she'll concede to his side of things.
Things she's learned from life - to never turn down free food or drink when it's offered. And she's far from too proud to sit on a cot, or even the floor, but she'll concede to his side of things.
She needs no further invitation to come and sit, stretching out her hands towards the fire and letting the warmth chase away any chill. Fever thinks, as she waits, she's almost never felt this calm in this house before.
Except, of course, when Valdis was deliberately soothing her, but it's nice to feel it on her own. Being able to bring peace instead of chaos inside. She watches the pets, and feels no need to do anything other than to wait, and to smile at Valdis when she sees her again.
Except, of course, when Valdis was deliberately soothing her, but it's nice to feel it on her own. Being able to bring peace instead of chaos inside. She watches the pets, and feels no need to do anything other than to wait, and to smile at Valdis when she sees her again.
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