ph_logs | [Open] And I Pray My Worries Might Melt Away

[Open] And I Pray My Worries Might Melt Away

Who: Drelasa and co.
What: Taking a dip at the hot springs at odd hours, in hopes of being able to do so without being seen by others
When: Start of August
Where: The hot springs
Warnings: Discussion of scars, body negativity, also there will be nudity

In the very early hours of the day, Drelasa Veloth makes her way to the hot springs. It's a cooler morning, a hint that the summer may be past its height, though it's hard to say what the day will bring, once the sun is up.

As she reaches the spring, she listens carefully for the sound of others, before being satisfied that she's alone. She takes off her mask, setting it on a nearby stone. Then, she carefully removes her dress, folds it, and sets it gently next to her mask. She takes off her smallclothes, and then, before stepping into the water, she takes a minute to run one hand along the length of the opposite arm. The results of Dr. Watson's surgical work are still holding up, for the most part, but she can already feel a little bit of swelling returning to her elbows- the 'sacraments' beginning to fill her body once again. She'll have to schedule another appointment.

As she slips into the water, she mutters a prayer of thanks to the Three and the Ehlnofey for the heat of the earth. Not that Azura, Boethia, or Mephala really have anything to do with geothermal phenomena, of course, but it's best not to leave them out. She reflects on what some of the older Ascended used to say back home: their kind and kin are blood of the Mountain, foyadas and lava ponds given flesh. Perhaps that's why she feels so at home in a hot spring; it's familiar to the point of feeling like it could be an extension of herself.

Drelasa starts to genuinely relax as she soaks, the nodules throughout her body softening and releasing their rock-hard tension. She's so relaxed, in fact, that she doesn't listen for newcomers.

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"Ah I see. Similar to my world then. It's strange how close ours are to each other but we're clearly not from the same realm." He's not sure what to make of that, it's like witnessing his own home a few feet to the left. It's unsettling but also piques his curiosity.

"What of other races? Orcs? Humans? Dwarves?"

“The Orsimer have seen their kingdoms rise and fall, rise and fall, rise and fall. Four times they have raised a sovereign state called Orsinium, and thrice far it has fallen. They are proud and quick to anger. I’ve not met so many in my life, though they are more numerous in Skyrim, where I was last traveling.”

“The great human empire fell two centuries ago, and rose again as a shadow of its former self. Their Emperor is at the beck and call of the High Elven Thalmor state, and for that reason, the men are at war with one another, as the crown seeks to control their way of life.”

“The Dwemer… the Dwarves… they vanished thousands of years ago. No one quite knows what happened, but they were likely victims of their own reckless artifice.”

"Many of the dwarves in my world went north to mine for black ice, which can be shaped into powerful magic items. Assuming one doesn't die of inclement weather while obtaining it, though they seem not to mind. If I had to guess, I'd think there's more humans in my world than any other race, but they're also the shortest lived so it makes sense they reproduce faster and wider."

He makes a soft musing sound, "Were we back in my world, this is where I'd be told to stop thinking of them as livestock. I can hear it in his voice even..."

"That is... the relationship between your colony and men. I cannot say I approve, but I am not surprised, nor am I one to judge. My people have long treated the races of men as inferior, citing that they live but 'dozens and dozens' to our 'hundreds and hundreds.'"

She pauses.

"It is not as if the men have not wronged us as well, but..."

"It's the relationship between my species and everyone who isn't us. To be clear, we do eat them so they truly are livestock as well as labor. I'm told that creates ethical quandaries when you're too close to your food, though I've never found that a problem."

It's easy when one maintains an air of complete superiority who thinks that everyone else exists to serve them.

"Were I human I might argue that living only dozens of years means their time is more valuable, since they have so much less of it."

"That isn't a bad argument," she admits.

"I believe the old elven argument stems from the idea that humans live too short of lives to really learn anything of meaning, but I know that is patently false. I've met humans who are wise beyond their years, and I've also met humans who could live a thousand years and still know nothing."

Haldor is the latter.

"They have superhuman luck as well." He glowers, why are all the most obnoxious humans able to just drop in and out of problems as needed? Why do things just magically work out for them?

~~It's because he keeps befriending main characters.~~

"That could be said about any race. There are 400 year old Drow who are complete idiots who couldn't think themselves out of a closed room if their life depended on it. Elves as well. I suppose what it comes down to is everyone wants to be the center of the universe and that becomes impractical if others are around insisting they're also important and worthy. That's why there's a pantheon of gods and goddesses who can't get along."

"Ah, so your gods are at odds with one another as well, hm?" she laughs.

"I don't think it should surprise us that our spiritual ancestors cannot get along with one another, if it's so impossible for us."

She pauses, thinking.

"You refer to 'elves' as if they are something entirely different from us. Are dark elves, high elves, and wood elves not all descended from a common ancestor, where you come from?"

"Always. Were they to suddenly start getting along I would find it highly suspicious."

Of course he kind of finds everything to do with the gods suspicious. No matter how much their cleric tries to convince him otherwise he can't fathom a single thing that deities have ever done that wasn't self serving. Deep down he's probably just jealous because there's a single digit amount of things he's done that weren't self-centered and that's too many things.

"Millennia ago yes, but they would not consider themselves kin. And if you were to imply as such to any of those groups they'd likely kill you for the insult."

"I cannot say there is much friendship between the Dunmer and the Altmer, and the Dwemer subjected the Falmer to such atrocities that it altered their very souls and those of their descendants... and the Orsimer, they were treated like beasts until about two hundred years ago... but killing over provable heritage just seems a bit silly."

"You're looking for rationality where none exists. That's not how people work, not matter how infuriating it is."

"I don't think rationality is absent. In short supply, perhaps, but if there was no rationality at all, I do not think the god of madness would exist to trouble my people as he does."

"I don't think those two things are in opposition. Madness is a spectrum that can always be made worse - rationality is binary. It either is or isn't. Not that being rational is by default correct, but it does make things easier to understand as an impartial observer."

Which is what he considers himself, just observing society.

"But that is why they are still fighting against centuries old slights and perceived insults that they don't understand."

"Or it could be that the fighting stems in part from perceiving others as irrational. I don't disagree with you, that something is either rational or it isn't, but what decides the status of rationality?"

"Mmmm. I suppose the rational answer," he pauses because, heh. "is an impartial observer. But I don't think that's reasonable in normal life. That's likely something that can only be determined retrospectively."

This is a far deeper and introspective conversation than he was expecting in a hot spring. Not that he's complaining, it's been a while since he had someone to discuss such things with, and never before someone who had experienced almost the same thing as him.

"It's easy to speculate now given how removed we both are from... well everything really."

“We’re both far removed from the lives of ordinary elves, but… are we impartial? Aren’t our thoughts and observations colored by the values instilled in us, and the experiences we’ve endured?”

"I'm not impartial in the least. I tend to favor myself in all things." He's well aware how egotistical he is. It's part and parcel of being a mindflayer and he's not going to apologize for it.

"I meant less elves in general and more how removed we are from normal society and the life that others live. We're hardly normal mortals any longer."

"No, we're... hold on a moment. Do Illithid age?"

"No. And we live forever."

"We don't age, either."

Another strange commonality between them.

"There is a lifecycle stage beyond this," he gestures to himself. "But I have no intention of attaining it. I'd become unimaginably powerful and omnipotent but also lose the ability to move. And there's no amount of power that's worth being immobilized."

He's had a taste of autonomy and doesn't want to go back.

"The Elder Brain, right?"

"Correct. I have no desire to become that."

Another pause.

"Is there a part of you that you feel is still driving you towards that?"

"Not at all. I'm not sure there ever was. Is it similar for you? Is there something more and worse to attain?"

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cw: racism mention, allusion to slavery

cw: mentions of eating people

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