1st Contraption: Collartoral Damage [Closed]

[pineapplesalmon]

Who: Magne (sistermagnetic), Dabi (iamthepyre), & César (pineapplesalmon)
What: Magne and César figure out their miscommunication after César's demonic double bothered him at Merrymeet. Dabi comes to be Magne's emotional support.
When: Day after the potluck
Where: César's house
Warning(s): Discussions/allusions to domestic violence, genocide, slavery, loss of agency, mind control, racism, far-right militias, government sanctioned violence, capitalism, bad bosses, I swear Generator Rex is a kid's show. Starting with an off-comm log and then stuff after.

César cleared his calendar, as promised. He's in the front room's comfy chair reading a book next to the brooder. It's actually possible to read now with noises from the chicks nearby.

Magne has been working flat out since the influx of new people, getting everyone settled, breaking the news about the bathrooms, directing them around the basics of the village so they're not overwhelmed. When she arrives, she's tired, but determined. She lets herself in and heads for the sitting room, figuring she might be most likely to find him in there. First instinct is to give him a kiss hello, but she sits nearby instead just for now, bending to look in at the chicks.

César doesn't immediately rush to greet her, taking in that she's quiet. He shifts closer to the edge of his seat, slides his bookmark in, and watches her for a moment.

"Cute, aren't they?" He asks softly, glancing at the chicks as they start taking notice of her. "They'll know you're safe if you make eye contact without staring them directly on."

Bent in her seat, Magne has a hand out for the chicks to investigate, wondering if it works like it does for other animals that smell is important.

"Very," she agrees, smiling faintly at them as they scatter at what they seem to be a sudden movement. She glances toward the entryway to see where her moral support has gotten to, then looks back at César. "You actually did take a day off though, I'm impressed."

Walking in behind Magne, Dabi actually stops long enough when he notices the extra set of slippers at the door. He takes his time to remove his shoes and put on the slippers that...actually fit pretty well, before following his friend in.

While the two talk about how the the little baby chicks are, Dabi just stands with his arms crossed, watching César from behind Magne.

César laughs softly as the chicks scatter, then looks up in surprise as Dabi enters the room to stand behind Magne. His words die on his lips as he comes to understand what Dabi's presence means (and the slippers mean he's not written César off for fixing this). Immediately, his surprise shifts to worry for Magne, who asked for Dabi to be here for her. A calm washes over him with the strength of his concern for her. Shit. César gives Dabi a brief nod and turns his attention fully to Magne.

"... I should've taken time off sooner, and I will take more time off." César replies emphatically, then gentles his voice. "... Where do you want to sit for this?" She's in a dining chair, and he's in a comfy large chair; it's too unequal for his liking, and he's not going to move her away from Dabi himself.

If she weren't trying to be more informal in spite of having brought Dabi along with her, she might have remained standing rather than taking a seat in the first place. She sits up and laces her hands together in her lap, rather than folding her arms over her chest as she nearly moved to do.

"Good," she replies simply, frowning to one side as she attempts to put words to her thoughts. She glances back at Dabi as he settles in near the chicks, then stands to move over to César and hover just in front of him, nearly reaching out to touch his cheek but stopping herself.

"We can talk right here."

She's so guarded. Making decisions on how to present herself. He'd tell her she doesn't need to do that, but she's doing it to protect herself. For now, she needs it. César tries not to worry more.

"All right." He stands calmly, abandoning his book, and gestures to the couch. "We can sit over here."

Until she knows that this isn't going to end terribly, she's going to unfortunately be very cautious. She has no reason to outright fear him, but the fact of the matter is that this relationship is one of the very few legitimately good things that have ever happened to her no strings attached. She's afraid of what this talk might do to them.

Dabi being there as moral support is less about his ability to light César on fire, and more that she knows he cares about her, and having someone at her back is important.

She sits, perching on the edge of the sofa, reaching cautiously to lay her fingers against the back of his hand. "I need you to know something, first," she says carefully. "You know you've never managed to give me a reason to hurt you. Right? And...I don't foresee that happening, either. So I think what I need most right now is to know what happened back there."

César stares at her, stunned, as he feels his heart break. He sinks more than sits down next to her. Trying to say something doesn't work, as his open mouth won't produce sound.

What gave her reason to say that clicks into place, and he knows the moment her expression changed now. César finds his breath again. He turns his palm upwards on his knee for her to take, expression almost mournful.

"Magne... I looked to you for comfort. I was scared, but not of you. I was scared of what you might think, and my heart and mind were all wrapped up in what happened back home." César has to fight against wrapping her in his arms. "But I couldn't keep that fear in your presence for more than moments. Your strength and power has only ever been a source of safety to me. I've never been afraid of you, not once. You did nothing wrong. You saved me from getting under his thumb. I only didn't cling to you when you sent him flying because I know you want me to keep my hands above your shoulders."

Perching himself in the now vacated seat, Dabi turns his eyes to the little chicks. Seeming to be paying more attention to them he listens to the two on the couch. It takes everything in him not to roll his eyes. This is good for Magne. That's what matters to him.

Time to start mentally naming all these little chicks terrible things.

He looked to her for comfort...that makes this so much worse, doesn't it? She misread his fear, and made an already tense moment that much worse. Still, she pushes past her own sinking feeling at that and nods in her understanding.

"As far as I could tell, I'd just shot a man across a field that was wearing your face," she explains quietly. "I thought that, when you saw that, you thought I'd do it to you."

César wants to wrap her in his arms and never let go. The need is so strong he has to stop himself partway.

"... And there was a part of me who thought I deserved that in that moment, for what I had to do to save lives back home. And another part of me noticed that, wow, he went really far. Y-You might have picked up on those things, even if I didn't want to communicate them. And I wasn't able to be explicit in my emotions like I usually go out of the way to do for you." César can't stand being separate anymore and rests a hand between her shoulder blades, testing the waters. "... couples miscommunicate sometimes. It's perfectly normal."

She's quiet for a long moment. Then, "I didn't hear everything, no. But I understood what he was getting at. Do you have any idea how hypocritical of me it would be to judge you for that, given what we were doing before we got here?" She gestures at Dabi as she says it. "Revolutions are bloody sometimes, and people that want genocide don't listen to peaceful protest."

César's once again stunned, and he almost sags with relief that she understands. Why did he ever doubt her? He struggles with what to say, but the words do come.

"... The ones he talked about didn't want genocide. After Black Knight took control of Providence, she and the Consortium wanted the cheapest solution as the costs of housing life-threatening EVOs rose after Rex disappeared and curing became impossible again." He closes his eyes and passes his hand over his face. "EVOs are without rights. So... they saw 'disposal' as the best option."

The hand along Magne's back slides to go around her shoulder, protective. "And anti-EVO militias were all too eager to go back to open season. EVOs are mostly heteromorph equivalents with a fraction of the population of humans. And they can be detected by their active nanites. Hundreds of thousands of EVOs—people, animals, and even plants—were going to be slaughtered within weeks."

It's hard for her to grab onto any one specific thing about that that makes her angriest, it's all bad.

"It sounds like they didn't give a damn about the environmental impact of attempting to exterminate a massive swath of living things," she notes bitterly.

"They hadn't gotten to that point of discussion before I came out with the collar and control system. Even the militias stopped their attacks overnight, not understanding the lengths I went into designing the systems to reduce the cruelty they thought was there." César wants to be angry, but he's just too... tired. "All the Consortium and Black Knight cared about was their own greed. Another reason I had to remain at Providence—successfully foiling their bid to become gods through the meta nanites."

A pause, then he adds. "... skipping a lot of additional information and events, but... working under Black Knight is what had me in such a state when I first got here. Overworking myself, playing her head games, and doing nearly every horrible thing she said—putting up with all sorts of thinly veiled emotional abuse—were the only ways to keep myself and my true intentions hidden if I was going to save lives and the world. ... And—my Earth knows her status now—the entire time, she was an EVO. The ultimate traitor to her own kind... and my direct boss."

"So you used their egos and their evils against them. I still don't see why I'm supposed to be angry with you. I don't like the idea that in another life you'd have been forced to take that step with either of us, but that's the logical, human reaction to the idea of being put under someone else's control, even for the sake of survival.

"I think, if I'm being perfectly honest with you, that the only thing I'm truly angry about, is that this jackass of a demon wearing your own damned face decided to throw all of this back into your face while using me to make it stick. I am not a pawn, or a piece of leverage, and I will not stand for it least of all from a stranger."

From his seat Dabi can't help but listen discreetly, what else is he gonna do? Other than apparently poke around the chair he's sitting in when he realizes there's a book there. Kinda hard to miss it stabbing him in the hip. He has things he could say, things about how it couldn't have been any worse than what the people of Tartarus had to go through. If you weren't drugged into unconsciousness you were bound and kept in a cell or something, what ever was needed to keep you from using your quirk. He could only imagine what would happen had be been put in a cell there, or what would happen to Magne.

But this isn't his conversation, it's a lot but...it's also between them. So instead he just kicks back and...starts reading the book he had found. What the hell are you reading César and why is it so trashy? And more importantly, why doesn't Dabi close it and set it aside after two pages?

César's arm over Magne's shoulders isn't moving. "And now you know. And now they can't."

He rests his face in his other hand, fingers against his forehead and palm over his eye. "... I know it's not logical for you to be angry with me, given the full story, but—I had to supervise a number of the stabilizer ring deployments so no one saw how powerful the system really was. I had to—" César's voice breaks, and he's clearly hitting some internal limit. "I had to be there for all the worst ones to keep that secret. It hurts if you struggle. Two hours a day and often more, filled with pain and terror and punctuated by screams—"

He cuts it off with a sharp, near hysterical laugh. "Thousands... I never counted how many. I didn't want to know."

César is keeping an arm on her to be reassuring, but the more he talks and relives that nightmare, the more Magne feels like she should be the one doing that. Her hand comes up to gently take the one over César's face and fold it in her own.

"It was throwing back the worst things into your face just to weaken you. I don't know why. If it wasn't for him deciding not to risk coming back I might have asked about it, myself. Maybe he would have given me more reason to shoot him into the ocean, maybe not. Either way, you took precedent. I'm not going to let you look at me and only see the victim I could have been, do you understand me? Not when you've already been good to me for this long."

César gets pulled from his thoughts by her simply taking his hand, and there's a measure of relief. He's been wanting her to touch him this entire time.

Dawning comprehension goes across his face; the genius hadn't realized something so obvious. "... I do. I understand you. ... that was one of his goals, wasn't it? To make me forget how strong and capable you are."

He makes a frustrated noise. "Easy fix to that. Lift me?"

Rolling his eyes from the chair where Dabi is still reading the book, sorry buddy you aren't getting this back any time soon, the guy can't help the gagging motion he makes. Who knew he'd be surrounded by such saps. Okay...to be fair he had to sort of expect it from Magne, she was with someone who treated her how she deserved to be treated. Still.

Gross.

You both are gross.

It's hard to ignore Dabi over there making faces at the two of them, but she can try. César is at least distracting enough to keep her focused on him instead.

The request is met with a sigh and her head butting up against his. Her voice is lowered enough that Dabi can go back to reading his dumb pulp novel instead of harassing them.

"Later, I can hold you up as long as you want."

César grins briefly at the gagging noises, because he remembers Rex making those noises as a young boy.

The sigh makes César laugh lightly, but it's the headbutt that makes him start to relax. He closes his eyes and just stays there, arm slipping around so his hand rests on her shoulder.

"I'll be patient, then." César takes a regulated breath in and out, trying to self-soothe. "Can I get a hug then, too?"

Dabi is nothing if not still a ridiculous young man, and she does love him for it. She puts her nose up in a way that makes it obvious that she's deliberately ignoring him being a child about it, then takes her hand back to instead wrap her arms around César and pull him in with his head under her chin, taking care to gently moosh down the top of his hair.

César relaxes into her hug. He doesn't even care about his hair. All César cares about is hearing Magne's heartbeat for the first time. It's strong and incredibly comforting.

Not sure where to put his hands and not wanting to speak, César goes boneless.

She might have told him that just in this instance, it would be alright to hold on however he could, but it's easier to just let it be. She looks back at Dabi reading his trashy novel and shakes her head. "Hey, would you mind keeping an eye on the chickens for a bit?"

And then to César, "Come on, I think you need to lie down. We can talk more if you feel like you really need to."

César listens to how Magne's voice sounds against his ear from where he is. Oh. She's talking to him.

He shifts, rewinds back what she said, then laughs a little and reluctantly pulls away just enough to sit up, looking at her sheepishly. "I do. I've been working too hard. Haven't given myself a full day off since... that time you needed me." Otherwise known as when Magne came back from dying, and now he's only taken a day off mostly for her sake again.

Looking up from the book, Dabi just arches an eyebrow at the two of them before looking down at the chicks.

"Yeah I'll look after the chicken nuggets, go be all domestic with your boyfriend." It's said without a hint of bite as he hours back to the book with a smirk on his lips.

"Don't do anything cruel to them, that'll actually get your butt kicked here," she chides him, clearly not serious but at least feeling better enough to make a joke at all. With knowing that she's going to actually get to talk this through with César, and still have Dabi out here as something of a rear guard and bulwark, it's safer to just do that.

So she nudges César to stand up, follows suit, and reaches for his hand so they can retire and take all the time they need to.

The joke makes César grins a little. He stands and when she reaches out for his hand, he takes it with a little nod to her. Now that he's said the truth, he won't be able to get out of her helping him through this.

Comments

AND NOW IN THE CORRECT PLACE

[sistermagnetic]

With Dabi holding down the proverbial fort, Magne knows that at least for the night, nobody is going to bother them without a good reason. She keeps her hold on his hand until his door is firmly shut behind them, and then only lets go to slide her hands around his middle and draw him against her with a look bordering on stern.

"I want you to listen to me now," she says quietly, looking him in the face as much as he'll let her. "Everything that happened to and around you, I know it's not going to ever be something that you can just get over. But letting it absolutely rule your life and the way you work is only going to keep hurting you and giving things like that more leverage. I won't hesitate to fight someone else on your behalf, but you'd rather not make it necessary, I know. So let's figure out something different."

OOPS and cw: adhd discussion imminent

[pineapplesalmon]

César rests his arms over her shoulders naturally when she pulls him close. He meets her gaze. There's no attempt to shy away, and he listens with a little nod.

He lets out a tired sigh, but there's a soft smile at the end of it. "Well, you summarized nicely what would've taken me a half-hour to get around to explaining." Bit of an exaggeration, but she knows that.

After a moment, he adds. "Time to be explicit about how my brain's different. I've learned to work with it, and it's both the connector of ideas and the internal motor driving me... but there are times it's a true disability. And this is one of them."

[sistermagnetic]

Her hands run up the middle of his back, her thumbs moving over the material of his shirt. "César, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I know you aren't the same as a lot of us. I don't need big words and diagnoses to see that. What I can do is ask what you need from me to be able to function day to day. Even if that means giving you space, or reminding you to take a break."

[pineapplesalmon]

Her touch is soothing, and this time, he breathes in and out steadily instead of sighing before listening to her quietly, only averting his eyes after she's done speaking. César's thinking, hard.

"... The briefest summary, then. I can tell you more whenever it's relevant. ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Dysregulation's closer. I can't always control where or how strongly I focus my thoughts or what causes me to lose it—your gorgeous muscles, for instance. Emotions, too; high highs, now rare low lows, sudden switches. And the hyperactivity... you've seen how my brain and body are always going."

He starts to add to that explanation, then cuts himself off, then presses his lips together out of frustration and threads his hands together before shrugging lightly and looking back up to her, mildly amused despite the defeat in his eyes. "If my remaining unaddressed needs were simple, they'd be addressed already. I'd be asking for a lot of help from you. Time and effort both." A pause, and then he looks mildly sheepish. "... well, my idea of a lot. Maybe not yours."

[sistermagnetic]

Magne listens, quiet and patient, keeping everything out of her face but thoughtful regard as he lays his problems at her feet. She nods at the correction from disorder to dysregulation, seeing where it makes sense to classify it in that way. She'd seen it in action in her own life, with the people around her struggling to keep a hold on their own faculties and either leaning into it, or lamenting the problems that it caused.

"I'm good at thinking on my feet," she says when she's sure that he's done. "Even if it doesn't seem like I can keep up at first, I can certainly learn it as I go, the same way I've had to learn everything else. All I want from you is to just keep talking to me. The more you let me know what I can do, the more I can actually do those things."

One hand draws up from César's back and curls under his chin, keeping it up so that her forehead could lean against his. "Nothing in my life has ever come easily. I might think something was up if it did. I'm still here in spite of all that, right? I don't think this is going to be what finally drives me off."

[pineapplesalmon]

César looks at her in wonder, absorbing every word like they're miracles. For him, they are. Then, she brings her hand to his chin—he loosens his arms to give her easier access—and rests their foreheads together. He closes his eyes as Magne keeps talking. It clicks. Magne's accepting all of him. The last barrier he showed her just now falls away. César's standing together with her exactly as he is, safe in her arms.

His breath hitches as he breathes out and in, speaking while he still can, before he loses it and starts crying. "I've lost the ability to rest. My high tech personal projects risked exposing me through fun. It's all low tech here. My parents are dead; the house is deafeningly silent except for the chicks. My schedule remains insensible, unmanageable, unsustainable like Providence so I can avoid being alone by myself, purposefully making myself tired and my muscles sore. My employees are nearly twiddling their thumbs. I need balance that I'm too tired to achieve by myself anymore, and my brain's time blindness—explanation later...."

César presses his forehead against hers, ignoring the tears losing themselves from the corner of his eyes. "Can you help me with my schedule? And figuring out a hobby I can save up for? And just... be a sending stone away if I need a shoulder to cry on while I start grieving? Please? ... Please, could you stay...?"

[sistermagnetic]

when she started making that gesture, holding his chin to keep him looking at her, it had mostly been a teasing gesture, because she knew that it got him hot and bothered. Now, it's only partially that, and more just keeping him focused and narrowing his field of view down to only her while they talk, so that he actually absorbs what she's saying to him. He listens to her regardless more often than not, but this is important. She wants him to listen closely.

When he breaks, she sees the first tears welling, and she waits while he explains what is happening in his head as best he can. She nods along, a soft frown on her face as her forehead leans up against his, and she takes his hands, lacing her fingers between his and letting herself rest straight up against him to let him lean there.

He echoes her words from the day she resurrected back at her and she scoops him close, staying nose-to-nose. "I'm already going to be within reach by sending stone, you know that," she replies quietly. "I'll be here every step of the way. I will drag you away from your house just to spend time doing anything besides work and I promise you, you will never have to deal with any of this alone again. You've been this constant, beautiful reminder that there are things worth being better for and I want to make sure that you know that it was worth it. That life can be better for both of us, not just me."

[pineapplesalmon]

The gesture helps César focus on only her in any scenario. It tells him when to listen closely, greatly taking off his mental load from having to guess. It also establishes tenderness so he feels safe.

It's the touch of his chin, the fingers laced in his own, the way she supports him, and then scoops him close, so very close, that keeps him from utterly losing himself. Her touch is so comforting and physical that he regains his center. In her arms, everything is possible, and there's no room for sorrow and desperation to keep his interest anymore. Which means he can listen to—and memorize—every single word Magne says and still successfully abort a movement to hug her tightly around her waist, letting his arms hang by his sides instead as he relaxes more and more.

César absorbs the words in the silent space between them before he speaks softly and warmly. "So, a team, then. With equal stakes and duty in caring for each other. And to take care of and better ourselves. Yes, that's perfect. I promise you'll never deal with things alone again, either. Thank you for being here whenever I needed you the most... and keep dragging me away from working myself to nervous collapse."

And he doesn't resist, letting it slip out on a breath against her lips, slowly and gently, what they've been saying by their actions almost from the beginning: "Magne... I love you."

[sistermagnetic]

Not once, not ever once, has he flinched or tensed or backed away when she's touched him, and to her, that means so much more than she could ever rightly explain. She's happy with him, and that he trusts her that much. He has become more important to her than she could ever really express and in the moments that she can say as much, with or without words, it means that much more.

She feels him start to move to cling to her around the middle, and in this moment, she actually feels like she might have allowed it. Which simply brings back one of the things that she'd wanted to talk to him about in the first place, the last time they'd talked about getting together like this.

She smiles faintly, leaning to press a kiss to the middle of his forehead. "The only thing I want from you is to try and make it just a little less necessary for me to keep on you like that. Being able to care for yourself is important."

With her hands in the middle of his back, Magne listens, and from this close, maybe he won't see the way that she immediately begins to tear up, dark eyes welling but not quite spilling over. She sniffles wetly and holds on that little bit tighter. The immediate instincts to joke, don't play with me like that, or threaten him for potentially doing so, die on her tongue. Because he wouldn't. She's not sure that he would even know how to make such a cruel joke.

"I...I love you, too." And she draws away, terribly reluctantly, to pull the bottom of her shirt free of the high waist of her pants. "That's why I wanted to talk to you like this. I need you to know why I get nervous about where your hands go."

[pineapplesalmon]

Magne's safety personified. César can't flinch from her, can't be afraid of her. And as much as he works hard to make himself the same, he realizes what she needs most from him now is more of his time. He wants to wrap her in his arms and just hold her for an hour. Or maybe even all night.

"I know, and I will take better care of myself. I promise." César doesn't hesitate, knowing that he will, especially for her... and eventually also for himself.

He lets her take her time, closing his eyes to give her a little privacy. It's impossible for César to joke about love, but she still needs a moment to absorb the truth. When Magne returns it, César's grin nearly splits his face. Only when she moves away does César open his eyes.

César doesn't interrupt her, slight worry in his brows as his smile fades to something more normal. He's listening intently, not speaking because she's saying something too important, where a single word from him would be an interruption. Magne has the floor.

[sistermagnetic]

Magne has never been able to ask such a thing of someone else, and know that she'll be understood and actually granted that simple request. And yet here and now, she knows that she can ask him for his time and know that he'll understand and not turn her away. It's such a (sadly) revolutionary idea.

She holds his gaze for a long moment as she steels herself, then pulls the blouse and thin underclothes up, then pulls open the lacing of the pants, letting them fall loose around her middle. It gets rolled down to just above the cut of her pelvis to finally show what she'd been careful to keep out of view of literally anyone else up to this point.

"Obviously I don't know what happened to my body when I died," she starts quietly, as she lays her hand against the space just below her navel, "but knowing what he was capable of, and what it felt like...I can hazard a guess."

The mark that she shows him runs all the way around her waist, jagged scar tissue from where her skin had ruptured and burst outward, the dark pink of it fading upward into the rest of her torso, like her upper body had been smashed back on where it had been destroyed, and smoothed together like a clay figure. Nothing about it is clean or elegant or attractive in the slightest. More than that, she knows that showing it will almost certainly earn sympathy that she really doesn't want. But she wanted him to know that her reticence to let him touch her in that specific place was nothing at all to do with him, and everything to do with what had been done to her.

She holds her shirt up from it still, her hands twisting into the material as she tries to put words to her thoughts about everything that had happened. It comes slowly, carefully: "César, you know I"m not a particularly good person. I enjoy my fair share of violence, I act exactly as I see fit. I feel powerful when I can make someone else afraid of me...but you, the only thing I only ever wanted from you, was to keep looking at me like someone worthy of the time that you promised me. I liked you from day one. So when you looked back at me after I decided to destroy the man wearing your face, and you looked genuinely afraid... The only thing that I could think in that moment was that you saw me do that, and realized that maybe I would hurt you too. And you're well within your right to be afraid. But, I trust you more than I've trusted just about anyone else, and until that moment I thought that you had extended the same to me. So I wanted to talk, and to clear things up, but life gets in the way at the worst times." She laughs, just a little, the sound still tear-choked when she's not trying to hide the emotions so much.

[pineapplesalmon]

And it's a request that she won't have to make again for a long time now that César knows how much she needs him present. Especially in this moment. He smiles encouragingly to her, patient. Whatever she wishes to show him is enormous to her. Something she's kept hidden, likely a—

Magne exposes her iliac crest and César sucks in a breath, eyes widening in surprise, mouth dropping open slightly to remove the smile from his face. It's not sympathy that wells within him but empathy. Magne she must have felt when she first took her clothes off here and discovered the violation to her self permanently scarred onto her body, and to have to see it every single time thereafter....

César looks up as Magne speaks again, and he only stays where he is to listen without interrupting. There's an intensity of love in César's eyes—Magne's baring her beautiful soul to him. And an undercurrent of remorse in how he miscommunicated his fear so badly.

It's the choked laugh that bids César to take soft steps towards her. His hands reach out first, to cover and curl around hers—an acknowledgement of what happened to her, and an affirmation of both her boundary and his continued attraction to her. César rests their foreheads together, pressing gently.

"I showed you my need for reassurance because I trust you so completely. As much as I did my parents. I liked you from day one, too, and you've always been good to me. And... that scar, it's—it's like kintsugi. It means you were made whole again. That you're alive, and you're beautiful." César adds immediately: "Please, I'm still listening."

[sistermagnetic]

César is quiet while listening to her, and she gets the distinct impression of a student absorbing as much information as possible, helped along by the rapt attention and legitimate care and interest. Exposing this part of what has held her back from being as close to him as they both want is daunting for both of them, though for different reasons.

When César reaches for her, she lets go of the bottom of her shirt, letting it fall once more to half cover the scar. She doesn't believe the way that he's looking at it, but he's being extremely kind about it, as he has been about most things to do with what had happened to her. She shakes her head at the notion that it's similar to kintsugi. Kintsugi is beautiful, gilded edges giving an already lovely piece a little bit of extra glitter. This, on the other hand, is similar to a weld, a strong but inelegant seam around two disjointed pieces.

"It's the first time that I haven't wanted to revel in someone else's fear of me or what I might do. I jumped to the most immediate conclusion that I could in the circumstances. I'm sorry," she murmurs, wrapping her hands around his and drawing them up to hold against her chest. "We'll get better about talking these things through."

[pineapplesalmon]

Being revealed such a deep secret is daunting, and of course there's nothing César could say to fix it immediately. She doesn't seem to believe he feels that way, but he'll not force the issue; he understands why she'd feel the way she does, and she's clearly not ready to let him near the scar. Magne was there for him, and now it's César's turn to be there for her.

César's hands are, as always, pliant and relaxed in Magne's, as he listens to her while holding both warmth and sadness in his heart simultaneously, speaking softly in turn. "We'll get better."

He gently leans down to kiss the hands holding his before he steps in to kiss her lips with the same tenderness, then rests their foreheads together, taking in a breath as he thinks through what he wants to say. "If there was anything to forgive, I forgave you the very moment you told me. Sweetheart, I'm so sorry I let that feeling fester. Life didn't get in the way. I did. I listened to my head instead of my heart that you'd leave me over the collar system and hid myself on my farm."

The tear streaks on his face are slowly drying, and César almost chokes up again. "You should come see the farm. Meet the animals, touch the plants and dirt. I want you in all parts of my life and in every one of my days. I don't want to hide anything or anywhere from you anymore. I want you to know everything. My trust and love and sense of safety in you are absolute."

[sistermagnetic]

It isn't that she doesn't think he believes that, but that she doesn't see it. She doesn't see what he sees in it. She only tightens her hands around his, pressing her lips together tightly against an argument she knows would have no point but self-deprecation. She relaxes at the kiss, and leans forward to meet it, and lets her head rest against his with her eyes down on the space between them.

"It was on both of us. We were busy, but we have the stones. I think we were maybe avoiding having this talk until we were feeling a little less...raw," she offers, unable to muster another smile just now. One hand draws back and instead moves to rest against his cheek, her thumb rubbing away the last traces of his tears. "I want to know anything you'll tell me, but I want you to tell me in your time. Your trust means more to me than you could possibly know, especially when you were forced to do something like that to people like me before." She remembers a lot of what she'd heard that day. She was putting the pieces together based on the new information and context that this talk was giving her. She doesn't exactly like the direction that it's going, but she wants him to explain it to her face, instead of going off conjecture.

"If you want me to talk to you about the hard things, then can you do me the same kindness?"

CW: abuse, abusers dying, smallest hint of gore, slavery, mind control

[pineapplesalmon]

César will learn that the next time they talk about it, but he knows well enough that it's not time to talk that out. It'll only be an argument. They're talking through too many other things already.

But she also hasn't fully covered it up again, and that means something. Magne returns the comfort his touch brings her by brushing his tears away. César breathes out and in as he fully settles into the moment between them.

He gives a moment for his thoughts to settle before replying, voice soft. "I... suppose it was both of us, wasn't it? We both knew we needed time to breathe." Vaguely relieved, unused to sharing fault. "I'll do you the same kindness—not that I can stop myself anymore. It's just too much to tell you all at once, even if you just need to know a handful more events."

César's lower lip trembles for a moment, but the surge of emotions quickly fade; Magne's just too comforting in this moment, and he rests his fingers of his free hand overtop hers holding his other. "Thank you for trusting me, too, knowing what I told you."

Another moment to gather his thoughts, and he, too, is looking at the ground. "... The demon didn't finish his homework. And I was too panicked people would overhear and come to the worst conclusions without the truth and context. Which I should give you. Some of which you might enjoy... even if it'll take a few minutes to go through and interrupt our flow of conversation."

"Don't get me wrong—the system was still horrible. But he's cut from the same cloth as the Consortium—they were too blinded by greed to catch me lying about the system design limitations to only peaceful applications or the real reasons they stayed under Providence control. Every argument and decision I made kept nearly everyone under the system from physical and emotional harm. At worst, when the collar shut off and it's mellowing effect immediately stopped, you would've woken up as yourself out in a field or a job site... but I can all but guarantee you that you would've broken free and escaped before that."

The slightest of smiles. "The upper limits of 'temporary' meant that smart and confident, strong-willed human-EVOs would inevitably figure out how to subconsciously resist the collars at times convenient for escape. For everyone else? I had meticulous monitoring tools that would alert my phone and email if their vitals went off baseline. After the first couple dozen arrests for mistreating EVOs—who were considered US Federal Property—humans learned our prosecutors really would go for the maximum of ten years imprisonment, a $250k fine, or both. Usually both. Black Knight liked the profit Providence was allowed to keep due to jurisdiction and enjoyed free rein to ruin people's lives. One of the few things we agreed on—just not for the same reasons."

"I became a bit of an urban legend since I would suddenly appear with agents to arrest abusers at most mere hours later—global travel time, you know. The perpetrator's eyes would widen in horror as I talked to the abused EVO and had them point to who hurt them. My orders always had priority in the system, so they couldn't order EVOs to stay silent. They learned that the hard way."

He pauses, then adds nonchalantly. "Of course, a handful of humans didn't get prosecuted. The abused EVOs awoke and mauled or beat them to death first while i was en route to see what was happening. Always blamed it on damaging the collar during the abuse, but the final spike indicating resistance was always there before the collars failed. No one bothered to question my conclusions, especially since those humans turned out to be universally awful people. All those human-EVOs escaped. The corpses left behind turned my stomach, but..." A light shrug. "What can you do when people bring it on themselves?"

Magne's probably one of the few in his life that would appreciate the bloody schadenfreude. Abuse is one of César's few red lines. Fuck them.

CW continued discussion of murder, slavery, general capitalism

[sistermagnetic]

That subtle tremor in César's lip is kissed away in the moment, helping to further stabilize him in the moment so that he can keep his thoughts in order enough to get them out.

Usually, she would be asking clarifying questions, encouraging him to slow down and explain here and there, but just for now, she's quiet as she lets him talk it out on his own, letting him lay out as much as he's comfortable with on his own terms. Collecting information and forming her own conclusions, and the more she takes in, the more she realizes that she wouldn't have been any better off in his world than she was in her own, that both worlds were horrific, that he understands more than most the kind of systems that she would have been trapped in from either end. It was why he reacted the way he did to the idea that the demon wearing his face positing outright that she would be collared, because not only would that have been the fact of the matter, but it would have ended bloodily for all parties involved. Possibly even César himself.

The monetary aspect brings a sour look to her expression. They both knew that a fine like that wouldn't really make much of a dent in the pocketbooks of the kinds of people that put these kinds of systems in place to begin with. It might temporarily give them pause but other than that, it doesn't mean much. In conjunction with the prison sentence it stings a little more for them at least, but personally, she might have liked them to be subject to the exact same conditions they were forcing onto other people. But then again, she's accustomed to solving her problems with brute force. She would absolutely have killed whoever came close enough for trying to make her some docile slave.

"I would call it an occupational hazard at that point," she muses on the idea of the EVOs killing their captors.

CW: also adding on nondescript deaths of literal infants and suicide again OOF

[pineapplesalmon]

The kiss helps. Her kisses always help steady him.

It was horrible, through and through. And yet still better than the alternative of dying. You can't normally recover from death. Magne would've put up a hell of a fight, but it would've been an inevitable conclusion. Enough tranquilizers could take Rex down, and the restraints they had could hold any EVO. She might've been able to kill a dozen agents, but... Providence likely would've waited to take the League down until they had Fitz Feakins again. Can't fight when your powers aren't working and everyone else has guns.

The sour look is expected. The fine was a drop in a bucket for those types. Yet, they still insisted on the cheapest labor they could get.

"A self-inflicted one at that." César muses quietly. "... I would've been a target of the League up until the end; I couldn't make it obvious my goal was preserving life and sanity until after everything was over. I couldn't explain the alternatives were genocide, abuse, and PTSD. Or how the system granted property rights and protections to EVOs under the system. We would've been enemies."

He breathes out and in, closing his eyes. "... The system's mostly defunct, now; Rex initiated a mass cure event that reduced the worldwide EVO population to dozens. White Knight, Rex, and the others are back at Providence, no longer a vigilante group. I'm hoping we can finally push for EVOs to have human rights again, especially since Rex has risked his life for the world dozens of times and still can't own property or have the protection of child labor laws."

One more, heavier breath; César's winding down in his story. "... Being a nuisance or annoyance was enough to get you thrown into the system. EVOs were rounded up just for being unhoused in Hong Kong, for instance, and they couldn't escape because their active nanites meant they could be tracked. You could be pumped full of bullets by your neighbor if thought he could claim self-defense after using you as target practice. Without repercussions. Even if you were just a baby that—"

César stops abruptly, expression growing pained. That's not just conjecture or even a singular event. He's hit his limit.

Except for one more moment, in which that pain switches to rage. "Those were the people considered 'heroes' on my Earth. After Rex disappeared, the collar system was the only way to stop them and Providence. War crimes to prevent war crimes. It's why I didn't plan for a future. I expected my only reward to be death, either from my hand or another's."

Now, he feels done, and he lapses fully into silence.

[sistermagnetic]

Magne's hands close over César's, her thumbs tracing back and forth over his knuckles to keep him from retreating too far back into his own head as he went deeper into the consequences of it all regardless of whether or not they'd all been saved. After all, it never just ends because of cures and miracles. People don't just change on a dime. Especially the greedy, evil, power-hungry ones.

César flips into anger, justified and understandable; she might have been a lot more concerned if he simply continued to talk about it without showing any real emotion or passion here. Her grip on his hands tightens, fingers pressing into his palms, her head bowing to keep an eye on his expression. He is entirely self-aware of it all, and that makes it so much worse, by her reckoning. He knew what he was doing, and why he was doing it, from both sides of the problem and with a connection to the victims. On one hand, it makes his actions more understandable. On the other, it makes it so, so much worse.

"I'll count myself fortunate, then," she starts quietly, "that even though my world is as similar to yours as it is, that I started there. I don't think that I could look you in the face this way if I knew you were responsible for enabling them to do what they did, pretense or not. My advice to you, at least where I'm concerned, is not to think about the short-sighted shit that he tried to plant in your head. Maybe I would have ended up dead in that world. Everything you say tells me I wouldn't have even had a chance at a life there. You could have looked at me, and seen nothing more than another victim, or even a problem to be pacified for my own good. It's obvious that you don't see that here, because the context has changed.

"I'm not discounting that you're carrying the guilt of what you're sure you had to do around with you, and being in a new reality doesn't totally absolve you any more than it would anyone else that you worked with at the time. But doesn't it go without saying that, removed from the state of the world that forced it in the first place, that you wouldn't even consider doing the same thing again?"

[pineapplesalmon]

Never in César's thoughts did he consider Magne would be the one helping him through this trauma. Magne keeps him present and with her. The way she holds his his hands anchors him through his storm of emotions.

It was awful for everyone involved. But most made it through alive. And it served its purpose.

"And now I can never see you like that. Because you're you." César sound so relieved, so tired.

Magne has to ask that question, but César doesn't have to think about that answer. "I would rather be dead than ever do that again. I could never do it again, even it was the only way to preserve life. Perhaps it's why so many things I do here are diametrically opposed." A shaky laugh. "Vegetarian protein farming so they don't need meat. Druidry, working as a part of nature. Sharing all my knowledge freely with those around me, especially you." It's why he reacted so strongly when he promised to teach her how to shave.

César breathes again, his exhale softer, gentler. "I... I know the importance of freedom. I always did. And I always will. We would've made sure our relationship was equal regardless. But I now triple and quadruple check to be certain on my side, now. Which likely isn't necessary... yet it's going to be a while before I can stop."

[sistermagnetic]

It'll be something to relay to his actual therapist, that much is certain. Neil would likely be relieved that César has a support system outside of his appointments that's relatively on top of taking care of him, and reminding him to take care of himself.

She smiles warmly, and learns to press a kiss to the middle of his forehead, then leans her own head against his and gives his hands a squeeze. "I think you just talked yourself around all on your own," she points out. "I'm not asking you to change overnight. Nobody can do that of their own accord. I'm just proud of you for starting the process."

[pineapplesalmon]

César will mention it to Neil. He'll tell Magne about Neil and his plan to speak with Erik as well. But that's for later, perhaps tomorrow morning.

"It's good to hear that word again. Proud." César recenters himself fully in an ocean of peace with her smile, her kiss, her touches, her words. "It's less changing and more... healing. Much faster than I would have alone. Thank you."

He lets that settle for a moment, then asks with a loving smile, nuzzling the tip of her nose with his. "How are you holding up?"

[sistermagnetic]

There's a warmth in every look that he gives her that she's never experienced before meeting him, and every time she sees it she can't help but bask in it like a ray of sunlight. Her nose touches his, and one hand releases his to come up against the side of his neck, her thumb brushing the corner of his jaw.

"It wouldn't happen if you weren't ready to try and make the effort. I'm happy to help, as long as you'll let me figure out how to do that."

Her hand slides down to his chest and rests there, fingers pressed into the fabric of his shirt as she considers the question. "I'm...okay, I think. I'm not going to lie and say everything is fine, but I feel better than I would have expected, under the circumstances."

[pineapplesalmon]

César won't stop looking at her like that anytime soon. He leans into her touch and briefly closes his eyes. "A team effort." He's feeling better if he'll makes a near pun like that. "I'll always let you in."

He opens his eyes when she answers his question, his palm moving to cover the back of her hand on his chest; he brings their other hands up so he can ever so gently kiss Magne's knuckles. "Did you know that Spanish adjectives and many nouns ending in -a are feminine?" In other words, the ones he's been using this entire time—a little language fact saved for a time like now. "... What can I do to help, my sweetheart—mi amorcita? I'm yours, dear—querida."

Translations. Those little secret pet names starting to be demystified. Amorcita, though, is new.

[sistermagnetic]

Her chest aches at every gesture, and every word. Her hands squeeze around his as he holds them, and she lingers close.

"Anyone else would probably say it all sounds a little saccharine," she jokes, still just a bit unsteady. She's overwhelmed with the pet names and their meanings, and it's obvious on her face. "I think...I may just need some time to sit and absorb. A lot has happened all at once and that's even without the trouble from the rest of this place. All I can think on the moment is that I'd like to just stay here and stay in for a while. I want to lie down and hold you for as long as you'll let me. But...we aren't alone at the moment. It seems unfair to just leave Dabi down there alone."

[pineapplesalmon]

It's obvious on her face, and César can tell she needs time to recollect herself. So does he. They need time to simply... be. And in this case, be with each other.

"Heh, probably." César considers those requests before speaking gently. "My pocket watch will chime on the hour in 20 to 30 minutes, so we can curl up with each for a bit before talking to Dabi about plans for tonight. He has my book, and he expects us to take a little longer. I've got what we need for all three of us to stay in. I want to lie in each other's arms. Would that work?"

[sistermagnetic]

She shifts forward to press a kiss to his forehead, then to his lips before setting back again and nodding.

"A short nap would be nice," she says quietly, though she doubts that she'll actually be able to sleep. Really, she just wants to be still for a while and not feel obligated to do much of anything. The hard part is over now. The weight is starting to lift.

[pineapplesalmon]

He kisses her back, very slowly. "Then let's nap."

Lying still with her is exactly what he needs. He sighs and reluctantly steps back enough to actually make that happen, gently dragging her backwards. He hits his bed and immediately loses his balance with a laugh. Which leaves him holding her hands while he's sitting down, and he giggles, tired enough that it's funnier than it should be.

"Oops."

[sistermagnetic]

"I think you might need the rest more than me..."

Magne follows, taking the first steps forward, then pausing as his knees are knocked out from under him. She chuckles when he rights himself, and as he sits there, she moves to lift one leg, sliding her knee along the outside of his thigh, then puts one hand on his shoulder and moves finally to sit straddled across his lap. It's about the most forward she's ever been with him, short of lifting him up and putting him against a wall.

immediate nsfw thoughts

[pineapplesalmon]

"I think you might—"

Magne is skilled at shutting César up. It's immediate as her knee slides against his thigh. Then her hand is on his shoulder and she's straddling his lap. César hadn't had any solo adventures for the day, not sure when Magne would arrive, and she's straddling his lap. Now that he knows where he's not supposed to touch, César's hands slide up slowly along her outer thighs.

"Dios mío..." César murmurs in delighted surprise, then clears his throat before his smile starts to widen to something a little more primal and needy. "Well. Making out is another way to stop thinking for a bit." He hesitates. "... if I'm reading you right?"

César's always so careful, and that's part of the problem.

cw continues

[sistermagnetic]

Sometimes it really is astonishing how easy it is to cut César off mid-sentence with a touch or a gesture or a movement, and this really takes the cake. It's written all over his face how immediate it hit him, and she wonders as she cups his jaw and tilts his head up how long it would be before she feels him getting excited again. It hasn't happened right up against her since the first time she tipped his chin up to keep him looking at her, and now that they've had the chance to really get to know one another, it's a lot less surprising.

His hands move up her legs, and she smiles in kind, eyes half-lidded as she watches him right back.

"If it's not too much for you," she replies quietly, hoping that it wasn't going to end up being too much too fast for him.

yeah they're gonna make out now :)

[pineapplesalmon]

César lets her tilt his head easily, shoulders relaxing at her consideration for his needs. They were already relaxed, but relaxed further. He rubs his thumbs back and forth along her pants, considering.

"We can go slow and keep our hands away from each other's crotches. Keep me talking. And let me have a chance to figure out what's happening." Because he knows that's where things started to get dicey for him. "... I'm going to talk to Erik, too. But right now, I just want to kiss you a lot and maybe touch a boob if I'm lucky."

[sistermagnetic]

"Maybe touch a boob?" Magne's forehead leans against César's as she laughs, terribly amused simply by his phrasing. She cups his face gently and tilts his head up to be able to open into the kiss. Teeth graze his lips, testing what he might like at the same time that one hand moves down to lift one of his off of her leg, and put it on her chest with hers over the back of it.

[pineapplesalmon]

César shrugs innocently as she laughs at him, amused at himself. He doesn't know exactly what to do about the teeth (it's nice?? he thinks??) but he knows what to do about touching her chest. He squeezes her thigh with one hand and presses his other gently into her chest, thumb running over her nipple.

"Now that's a boob," César states with an incredible amount of delight.

[sistermagnetic]

She notes that he seems more confused than interested in that testing little bit of a nip, so she goes back to those half-open kisses that he enjoys more. The hand over his encourages him to squeeze down, a soft intake of break coming from that sweep of his thumb. Between them, it's her turn to grow turned on enough to be felt against his stomach.

"There's more where that came from," she quips, smiling against his lips.

[pineapplesalmon]

César not only can feel it, but he starts to respond himself, because knowing she's turned on and her encouraging him is one of the hottest moments of his entire life. Magne wants to feel him. She breathes against his touch, and César chuckles, moving his free arm around her mid-back to support her.

"50% more." César jokes back, speaking between kisses, shifting his hand to cover her breast fully as he presses harder and spreads his fingers and thumbs apart to give separate points of pressure, moving and adjust the pressure of his palm to work on that nipple, turned on further by being able to feel both layers of fabric moving underneath his hand. "Try the teeth thing again in a minute... I'll need time to learn how to multi-task."

[sistermagnetic]

"Actually, if we're going to be nitpicky, it's actually 100% more, doubling the amount of boob you've currently got in hand." It's such a silly line of thought that she can't help smiling, even as she's pink across the face from the brazenness of it all. Still, to add the cherry on top, she picks up his arm, finds the other hand, and lays it square over the other side of her chest. It's not the most stable position for her to sit in, but she's sure she's making her point.

Of course, the distraction of his palm running up against the now perked nipple proves to be a very good way to break away from the arguing of semantics, and she arches her back subtly, pushing into his hand as her lips press together, eyes briefly closing. "One thing at a time, then... Make sure you don't get too overwhelmed."

I had to reply quickly to dump on César lmao

[pineapplesalmon]

César looks confused at the correction, then laughs a little at himself. "... wow, I really am working myself too hard if I'm failing at basic math. I guess I really am taking tomorrow off, then."

He's not going to argue semantics because she's right—and also because he forgets that conversation entirely for the moment when she brings his other hand to her other breast. Magne's position on him is a bit precarious, but he trusts in her muscles. Still, he doesn't press hard enough to force her to use them.

Magne's enjoyment of the attention encourages him to work on her other nipple, focusing on running gentle circles with his thumb to have a different sensation than his palm. He watches her for a moment, emotion surging. She wants him to make her feel good.

"We might have to take turns making each other feel good...." César murmurs, leaning up slightly to kiss her gently again. "It's your turn first. Doting on you isn't overwhelming at all...."

Just to demonstrate his point, César moves to kiss the spot where her neck and shoulder meet. It's easier to access with her on top of him. Gentle, slow kisses, and he even experiments, once introducing his teeth to gently press against her skin, sliding them gently off. He's fully erect underneath her, his dick pressed against the seat of his pants and Magne's perineum.

"I've been wanting to touch you for ages... You're so beautiful. Your breasts are magnificent."

César's not very skilled at dirty talk, but he does know compliments are nice.

[pineapplesalmon]

[To here.]