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[Open] Hail to da King
There is a Burger King in Pumpkin Hollow.
Why? That is a fantastic question. Considering the fact that this is a Victorian-esque village in a fantasy world that has never even heard of Burger King, one can only assume it was created by a modern individual
with a mischievous sense of humor. This is only further implied by the interesting set of rules on the wall...
At some point during February of 16:55, the role of "The Burger King" is bestowed upon one Capochin Bastone, Grillmaster Extraordinare, by the Daedric Prince Sheogorath. Since then, he's hired a few of the locals (mostly younger folks) to work the shop and checks in on it daily, but largely lets the thing run itself. Still, he could really use a general manager...
Well, anyway. Feel free to grab a seat, get yourself a Whopper, check out the Help Wanted sign, or just hang out! If you're lucky with your timing, you may just see a little blue man in a fuzzy red robe far too long for him and a paper crown hop up onto the enormous throne to hold court. He sure does look pleased with himself.
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This particular Burger King isn't too much of an eyesore on the town, looking more like an attempt to recreate a Burger King in layout using Victorian sensibilities than a one-to-one interdimensional transplant of a modern restaurant, but it's still a little ridiculous. People in cotton button-ups and aprons embroidered with a red "BK" bustle about behind the counter, producing modern looking food wrapped in parchment paper. In lieu of a soda fountain, patrons can get glasses of water, iced tea, juice, or even beer. For some reason, at the back of the dining room, there is an actual throne. How ostentatious.
With Tenna's high vantage point, he may be able to see an apron hanging from a hook in the back, bearing a metal nametag with "SPAMTON, GENERAL MANAGER". In his place for the day, there's a short, blue-furred man with round eyes and a long, prehensile, bandaged tail. His own apron's tag reads "CAPOCHIN, OWNER". He bounces back and forth between the grill, the dining room, and the counter, helping out everywhere.
When he spots Tenna's awkward lurking, Capochin moves toward a register. In a cartoonishly thick New York accent, he asks, "Need anything, there, bud?" Though Capochin is pretty sure a cigarette would do this guy more good than anything on the menu, frankly.
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Which, to be frank, doesn't fall very far outside his expectations as to what a burger joint should look like. He's never actually been to one, of course, at least not one made for Lightners, and the only frame of reference he has is the odd commercial here and there from years past. If he was in charge of decorating a place like this, it would probably end up looking much the same, just with a few more gold statues of himself and his face on the walls...
Oh— That blue guy is talking to him, isn't he? Tenna realizes he's still scowling, and quickly smooths back his antennae with one hand as he makes a conscious effort to replace that scowl with a bright smile.
"Howdy there!!" His audio peaks for a moment; trying a little too hard to act normal, perhaps. Ahem. "I, ah, can't say I need anything at the moment, thanks, haha!! Just thought I would come by and, you know...check the place out!" Wait, that's weird, isn't it? Quick, how does he make this less weird— "See, ah— Kris!! Kris, that little nipper, they're, ah, family of mine!! So, you know, I just, uh... Just wanted to, ha, have a look around, you see!!"
Nailed it. He is SO normal right now.
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Notably, Capochin doesn't seem to question Tenna's general TV-ness, though whether it's because his own homeworld was odd enough or because he's seen basically everyone in this place is hard to say.
"They mentioned they ain't at the dorm house no more 'cause family showed up. Good to meetcha." Capochin offers up a small teal paw-like hand to shake, nubby dark blue claws at the end of each finger. "Capochin Bastone. Nice to meetcha."
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"Pleasure to meet you, Mister Bastone!! And I'm Ant Tenna!" His grip might be a teensy bit on the too-firm side as he shakes Capochin's proffered hand. "Or just Tenna, if you like!! Like everyone else, that is!! Haha!!"
Likewise, Tenna doesn't question the man's smallness, or his blueness, or his...anything else-ness, really. This town might be populated almost entirely by humans, but he's already met at least one monster not from Hometown (an "Uma Musume" kind of monster, but a monster nevertheless, to be sure!), so it only follows that he would run into another one sooner or later, right? That just makes sense. It makes complete sense, don't worry about it.
"Anyway...!" What was he — oh, right, Kris. "That's right, aha. They're, ah, living with me and some of their friends up at the Leeds Estate now..." Something occurs to him, then. "Oh— That, uh, won't be a problem, will it? For them working here, I mean..."
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It would seem there was been a critical misunderstanding. As Tenna fully parses this realization, his screen cuts to color bars for all of one second, sine tone and all — and then his face snaps right back into view, with a quick shake of his head and a laugh that is definitely not unnerved at all.
"Right!! Right, of course, you're right!! They, uh. Did tell me that, aha. My mistake!!"
(Flyers? Has he seen flyers? He's only been here for all of a month, but a month is an awfully long time to miss some flyers up around town, isn't it... No, no, more importantly than that — there goes his excuse to be here at all, right up in smoke. Think of something, Tenna, think...)
"So... Um." His fingers drum on the counter (think, Tenna, think). "Side...hustle, huh? Wouldn't think it, what with, uh, how busy this place must be!! Ahaha." (Is it working? God, please, tell him it's working.)
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If Tenna's looking to get himself up to speed on the whole Bizzyboys thing, there's a copy of the flyer pinned amid a handful of other bulletins on a pinboard near the counter.
"Were you expectin' Kris to be here?" Capochin asks casually. "You looked like you was lookin' for somebody."
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"Oh— Haha!! Did I??" He may not have eyes (at least not where anyone can see them), but it would be very difficult to miss the way Tenna's attention shifts, briefly, before he can catch himself, to that damn apron hanging on the hook. "Well, uh, no, but..." What are you doing, Tenna, why didn't you just say yes? "...L-Like I said, just!! Thought I'd have a look around!! Not every day you see a fast food place in, uh, in a place like this, haha...!!"
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"A'right, hang on." Halting his journey back behind the counter, Capochin instead makes for the door, holding up his package of cigarettes. They're more modern than is appropriate for here, but still look dated, like they're from a couple of decades before modern day. And the package is beat to hell, as if Capochin's had it a while. He's been saving these. "We're goin' on a smoke break. You want one, big guy?"
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Anything to get himself the hell out of this pit he's dug himself into, please. How does he keep doing this to himself? What is wrong with him? This was all such a stupid idea to begin with, what did he think was going to happen? Oh, well, at least there's a glimmer of an escape in sight, and once he's grabbed onto that then maybe he can just make his way home and figure out a way to make himself forget that any of this ever happened.
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"You got it."
A cigarette is passed to Tenna as Capochin shoulders his way out the door. He fishes an old timey lighter out of his pocket, lighting up before offering the small flame to Tenna. Capochin takes a drag while Tenna lights his cigarette, waiting until Tenna goes to do the same before he speaks again.
"So what's up with you and Spamton?"
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"Th-That's—" Hold on, let him get one more drag...aaand he's coughing again. "Who- Who said anything about SPAMTON? I-I mean, I sure didn't!! I, haha, I didn't even know the guy WORKS here, wh-why would I...!!"
That hole is just getting deeper and deeper by the second, and Tenna can't seem to stop himself from using his own hands to keep digging. Maybe if he just keeps this cigarette in his mouth, he can at least get himself to stop talking already...
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"But ya do know him." Otherwise Tenna would have asked who that is. And Kris knows him, besides, so two and two must surely equal four. "And you was lookin' at his apron. Listen, bud, if anyone knows what a tense situationship looks like, it's me, capishe? My dumb ass held a candle for the same fella for 40 years, you won't hear no judgement from me."
Okay maybe a little bit of judgement, Spamton is incredibly weird. Mostly harmlessly so, as far as Capochin is aware. (Aside from evidently attacking zombies with his teeth in order to protect the Burger King to the death.) But building nests of weird blue eggs in the gutters and sleeping standing up in supply closets and spooking the owners of neighboring businesses with random bouts of manic laughter are certainly not attractive qualities in Capochin's book, and it's never really occurred to him that there might be something dreadfully wrong with the GM's psyche.
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Oh, he's really in it now, isn't he. Tenna takes another, much deeper drag off his cigarette before he can incriminate himself any further, smoke filtering out through the vents on either side of his head as he grasps at anything he might be able to say for himself.
"I'm not...holding a candle for anyone." And that's the truth, as far as he's concerned. "Spamton was... We used to be partners. Business partners," he's quick to add, as though that's the whole of it, as though that legitimizes anything about his being here. "That's... That's all."
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The thought softens Capochin, just a little. Enough that one can tell the difference.
"...Listen, all's I'm tryin' to say is, if youse two did have a... complicated relationship, I get it. I had a 'business partner' too. Got in too deep. Kinda wrecked my life there for a while. Hurt people, lost people... I dunno if that sounds familiar to you at all, but hey. Woist thing that can happen is I make an idiot of myself in front of some guy I dunno too well. Ain't like it hasn't happened before."
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"...I don't even know why I came here," is what Tenna finally says after a long, awfully pensive moment, and even though he mutters the words, the admission sounds entirely too loud in his own head. "Making an idiot of myself isn't the half of it. I don't know...what I thought would happen. What I would say, what I would even do if I actually saw him, you know...?"
It's one thing to crow about wringing the guy's miserable little neck, but to actually find himself in a position where he can follow through... So far, it hasn't felt nearly as cathartic as he'd hoped. He sighs.
"Sorry." He flicks ash off the end of his cigarette, staring down at where it lands on the ground. "I don't want to make trouble for you or anything, I just... I don't know." Another uncomfortable moment of silence follows, before another admission tumbles out that even he wasn't expecting to make: "I almost wish I didn't know he was here at all, in this world — you know?"
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"I had all these things in my head I was gonna say 'n do. Told myself I was gonna wallop him good, give him an earful for stringin' me along for all that time, gettin' me in all that bullshit. But the minute I saw him, I was toast. It was just like before. Couldn't say no."
How do you hate someone who you've loved since you were 17? Especially when rock bottom came with a physical change and a ton of remorse? Especially when Capochin himself wasn't a whole lot better.
"...We worked it out. It's been... a lot. But I love the guy. Whaddaya gonna do, y'know? We was both shitheads. If I can get better, I gotta believe he can, too." A pause, coming back to himself. Capochin hadn't even realized how far away he'd gotten. He looks to Tenna, nudges him lightly. "What about you? You wanna talk about it?"
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"I don't- I don't know if this, if any of this, is something we can just...work out." Tenna takes another long pull off his cigarette, an attempt to calm the nerves that are attempting to very quietly ratchet upward into an anxious affect. "Maybe if I just... If he would just- tell me why. Why he left me holding the bag, instead of showing me how to use technology, or helping me make it big, or..." He flicks away more ash, then folds his arms over his chest, trying and only barely succeeding to keep his back from curling into a cringe. "Why he stepped out on everything...everything he promised me."
More than anything, Tenna wants to keep holding onto that anger, that indignation. After all, if he can't even do that, then what good was any of it for — his anger, his hatred, his pain, any of it at all — over these past ten years? But if even one of these things that Capo is telling him could be applied to his own situation, then... The minute I saw him...
God. He's already screwed, isn't he?
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"...Can I ask what happened? It's alright if not, it's just--- I only known the guy a couple months, but it seems like whatever went on between you two... left some kinda mark, I dunno. I thought maybe it was from his time workin' for Aster, but Kris don't seem to think so. All I know is that he's got more'n a couple screws loose these days."
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"We... Like I said, we were partners." He doesn't really want to talk about it, but there's a gnawing sensation in his gut that gives him the feeling he doesn't really have a choice in the matter — that, sooner or later, one way or the other, the truth will out, and so he might as well do this now. "I already had my T.V. Time, and he was already a big shot, but he... He said he'd show me how I could get...even bigger. That's why..."
His shoulders begin to hunch forward as he speaks, his cigarette, almost totally forgotten by now, burning down to ash between his fingers.
"All he had to do was just...tell me his secret. That's all it was. And when I finally talked him into it... When I finally got him to sign that damn contract, he... All of a sudden, he had to take a call. And when he picked up the phone... The look on his face... It was..."
The winds are long gone, but there's a voice still echoing at the back of his mind, burned into his memory just as indelibly as that look on his face: "Don't forget. You picked what really mattered to you, didn't you?"
"I- There wasn't even anyone on the other end, when I picked it up — the receiver, he just — left it hanging, after... I-I mean— What was I SUPPOSED to think? That he DIDN'T just try to rip me off, you know!? Haha... But... He ran right out of the room." He ran, and Tenna stayed. "And...that was the last time I ever saw him."