On the outside, always looking in. Will I ever be more than I've always been?

[howtheyshine]

Who: Yellow (howtheyshine) & VARIOUS + YOU?

What: December Catch-All

When: December!

Where: See headers.

Warning(s): None yet, see tag headings for thread CWs.

MONSTER ABOUT TOWN - OTA

Yellow is babysitting Gwen. Which means Gwen is currently getting a piggy back ride through town. Of course the piggy back ride is on a giant boar with four rust-and-black tusks and five tails, it's brindled black fur broken here and there by the protrusion of thick, muscular tentacles striped with yellow. Two of those tentacles secure Gwen very gently on the creature's back.

Or if you catch them on a different day, Gwen will be seatbelted with shadows onto the shoulders of a massive wolf-thing, also tusked, also bearing multiple tails, this one's fur banded liberally in black and yellow. But don't worry, if those shadows don't look secure to you, Gwen also has the wolf-thing's curling ten-point antlers to hang onto. It's probably fine!!

Or, if you catch them between shape shifts, it's just, y'know, Yellow, dressed in his overlarge coat from John Rambo, carrying Gwen and looking at her like she is singularly capable of moving the sun across the sky.

READING RAINBOW - closed to Crichton

He's been feeling some kind of way about a lot of things, lately, disoriented by kindness and now even more disoriented by Arthur's arrival. Never mind Arthur's kindness. Christ, he can't even process that yet.

But ever since the conversation with that man he's been itching to do something. Something important, something that makes a difference, and it is definitely not because of anything nice Arthur said and is absolutely only because he wants to do something important before Arthur does.

Which is why he comes knocking on Crichton's door at the asscrack of dawn and, as soon as it's opened, will say, "Where's the pages you want me to read?"

LSD BUTTERFLY PARADE - for Sheo/The Worm

He spots the butterfly at the edge of town, a spot of brightness in the December gray, viciously and vibrantly alive. He knows it, too. He can feel it, now, in a way he couldn't when he first got here, the stinging glow it has. It's one of the butterflies that followed the man at the party. The ones he said were him.

He follows it, fascinated, even moreso as other butterflies join what's quickly becoming a multicolor parade. He's deep into the woods, following the dancing ribbon of the creatures, when he impulsively says, "Hello?"

He doesn't know if they can answer, but he feels like they might.

TAKE A LOOK, IT'S IN A BOOK (library) - Lev/Lyubov and OTA

He's kind of avoided going into the library until now. He couldn't articulate why if asked. Just a vague feeling of anxiety at the thought of how much knowledge is in there, how much it means he doesn't know. How impossible it feels to catch up to everyone else.

But curiosity wins out eventually. The building is grand and its contents call to a part of himself he can't ignore. And inside-- inside feels comfortable against his skin. Feels right in a way most things don't. For a while he wanders and basks in the feeling and pulls random books off of shelves to read, because he doesn't know anything, so he needs to learn everything. It's quite possible he'll try and grab that book you were going for, just because you were. If someone else wanted it, it must be important to know what's in it, after all.

Eventually he finds his way to where Lev/Lyubov is stationed, arms and an extra pair of tentacles full, and he stops short, for two reasons. First: he's shy and wary. Second: he can feel something the same way he could feel the butterflies and the bits of John that stained Arthur irreversibly and Nyarlathotep and the demons here and--and it's weird. And familiar. But--surprise--he doesn't know why.

So he starts with the very polite opener: "What are you?"

OLD MCJOHNALD HAD A FARM - for Mr Rambo/Anyone at the Farm

TBA!!

No Harm Visiting Burned Out Cult Houses Right??? - OTA

TBA!!

Woodland Adventures - OTA

TBA!!

Comments

[ss_buttcrack]

"I think so too," Crichton answers. He's going somewhere, he promises. "Why do you think she'd say yes?"

[howtheyshine]

Where is the trap. He can't tell. If he says the wrong reason, what is Crichton going to do? That Yellow can't begin to guess adds its own layer of anxiety.

"...Because she's kind."

[ss_buttcrack]

"She is, yes," he answers with a smile that warms him down to the marrow, "But that's not the reason."

He can tell by that look that Yellow is waiting for the trapdoor to open, and based on how he knows Arthur acts when pissed, he can imagine why. Poor kid. Luckily, Crichton doesn't leave him in suspense for long.

"It's because she loves you, yellow. She cares about you for you. Now, I know from experiences that when someone loves you, it hurts a lot to disappoint them. So we try really hard to be the best person we can be so we won't.

"Thing is, along the way, you end up learning to live up their faith in you without realizing it. But, remember, it's the people that love us that tell us when we're good enough. They push us to be better. So, if you ever start to worry, you should ask her. She won't tell you wrong." She's a good mom.

[howtheyshine]

He pinches the edge of one nugget of scrambled egg, focused very hard on nothing in particular.

"The people who love us. Not- the ones we... want to love us."

[ss_buttcrack]

"Here's the thing about that, Yellow. We can want people to love us, we can try to do things so they will, but we can't make 'em. It's not something you can force. But, uh, to let you in on a secret here..." He leans close like this is something he doesn't want overheard, "Once you start figuring out who you want to be, you care less if other people don't like you for it."

[howtheyshine]

Press X to Doubt.

But he's also not confident enough to argue the point. Not any more. Not when it comes to this kind of thing. There's too much want tangled up in it. Too much need to get it right. There's too much people-who-aren't-Arthur being right about things.

"Well... how the fuck do I figure it out? How long does that take?"

[ss_buttcrack]

Crichton answers that with a dry laugh. "That's usually what most of us spend the majority of our lives trying to figure out. It's never the same answer one person to the next. I wish I could tell you something less... complicated, but that's what people are. We're complicated. All of us."

[howtheyshine]

As with so many feelings, Yellow doesn't know what to do with the crushing wave of disappointment that sweeps through him. He wants to be done with uncertainty and self-doubt, not make friends with the sensations.

"How do humans stand it?"

[ss_buttcrack]

"Sometimes we can't," he admits. "Sometimes it makes us go crazy, or get angry, or sad. Sometimes we... do things, like drinking alcohol, to try and not feel it. But that doesn't actually help. Just makes it harder. Because, that's what it is; it's hard. It takes work. I can also promise you the end results make it worth it."