[ October Event ] The Black Stag Casino

[pumpkinhollow]

**Plain text version here. [Pending - pardon the delay! Plain text version will be created and added within the next 48 hours.]

THE BLACK STAG CASINO

THE LODGE

{ CONTENT WARNINGS: Mild unreality, lapses in memory }

Wake-Up Call

You wake on the morning of October 26th in the most comfortable bed you have ever laid in. Regardless of what accommodations you’ve been used to in the past, no matter how lavish, you cannot remember the last time you felt so perfectly cradled by a mattress or slept at such a perfect temperature. You wake to the sound of a pleasant little chiming sound, repeated over and over until you address it.

You sit up and realize you don’t know where you are.

It’s not that you don’t remember coming here--- in fact, you very much do. Though the action itself is a bit of a haze, you can recall being approached by a stunning woman dressed in all black, with a wide-brimmed hat that had long tassels which concealed most of her face. She handed you a beautifully printed invitation, though you can’t recall the text, just the image of golden antlers and blue flowers on black paper. Then you went home, packed a bag of your things--- clothes, personal items, toiletries, medications, money, things you might need on vacation--- and then when you opened your door, you were standing in a forest. You recall following lights in the distance until you reached a large, ornate wooden door and then---

Well, now you’re here. In a beautiful hotel room decorated in lavish navy and black decor, possibly with others, and there is a ringing sound.

When someone answers it, despite the advent of the speakerphone having yet to occur, the golden handset phone on the desk can be heard at a pleasant volume which everyone in the room can hear. A woman’s voice speaks.

“Welcome to the Black Stag Casino and Lodge!” she says. “This is the wake-up call you ordered when you checked in last night. Just a reminder--- you are visiting us with an all-inclusive package from now until November 4th! All food services and amenities are free with unlimited use, all entertainment is included at no additional cost, a no-cost service to take care of your affairs at home has been added for you, and you will be receiving 50 free casino chips when you visit! The only things that have a cost to them are the shopping areas and additional chips. Check-out starts at 11am on the 4th, and not a moment sooner! If you have any questions, please see our front desk, open 24/7. Also, please be aware that all interpersonal violence is physically impossible outside of the arena, and no weapons are permitted inside the lodge. Enjoy your stay!”

And enjoy it you must, it would seem. When you look out your windows, you will see the misty pine forest sprawling out endlessly in every direction as far as the eye can see. While you’ll have an opportunity to verify it later should you choose to, you likely already have a sense that there is no way to leave. But at least there seems to be plenty of ways to make the best of things. Time to take a look around?

Amenities

The Black Stag Casino’s lodge is well-outfitted with only the most indulgent of luxuries; the beds are just a start! Each room has a pair of enormous king-sized beds with plush bedding and always the exact right amount of pillows. Rooms can each house between 1 and 4 people. (Please feel free to check out and add yourself to the room assignment chart as you see fit. It should be noted that only those chosen by Dahlia Leeds or Prince Aster are permitted to stay in the VIP suites.)

The bathrooms are equally luxurious, each with remarkably advanced independent plumbing, full-sized bottles of shampoo, fluffy towels and even monogrammed black bathrobes customized to each guest. A handy card informs you that you can even keep the robe when you leave, which is wild.

Each room also has a balcony overlooking the expansive lodge grounds and surrounding forest. The views are eerie, but beautiful in their way.

And of course, each room has several copies of a map of the resort, showing the locations of its underground shopping promenade, numerous performance stages, always-open front desk, lavish spa, buffet, restaurants, bars, and expansive casino floor. There’s also something out behind the lodge called the “arena,” though its purpose is unclear just from the map.

Finally, you will also find a phone number and impressive menu for room service, whose prices have been concealed. A card is attached reminding you that anything you ordered is included in your package. Truly, all expenses are paid. If this place were not clearly the work of a demon, it might be a dream vacation. But considering that anyone in the know could easily clock this as the work of a demon representing indulgence and consumption, the message is clear.

Still, perhaps it can’t hurt to enjoy it a little bit. You are trapped here for a while, after all.

THE CASINO

{ CONTENT WARNINGS: Gambling, violence, potential character death }

Game Tables

The first thing you’ll see if you enter the casino floor is, of course, a wide array of game tables run by dealers both humanoid and monstrous. However, the vast majority of dealers appear to be… the exact same woman. Specifically, a woman in a tight black dress and long black gloves, wearing a wide-brimmed hat with tassels that conceal most of her face. They each wear a gold name tag just below the plunging neckline of their dresses, and each and every one of them reads “Daphne.” (On rare occasions, the observant watcher may be able to catch one of these women phasing into a pair of mirrored copies, indicating that these are all very literally the same person.)

The games are all fairly standard casino fare. Betting is simple--- if you win, your bet is doubled. If you lose, your bet is forfeit.

Casino Rules

Each guest starts with 50 free chips and is responsible for keeping track of them on their own. Chips cannot be used for anything outside of the casino and must be redeemed at the prize counter. More chips may be purchased with Brass at a rate of 50 chips for 200 Brass. Chips cannot be redeemed for Brass once purchased and cannot be transferred or pooled between guests. Chips are not transferable between players.

A guest may bet as much as they’d like on each game, which does not have to occur within a thread (although some should, because that’s what we’re here for!) and can play until they run out of chips or wish to stop. Each game will use dice rolls (or a roulette wheel) to determine winnings, which means that all casino games rely entirely on chance to win. You are on your honor not to fudge results! We have four casino games that we have simplified for text-based RP:

Blackjack

Roll a D10. Rolls 2-9 are number cards of any suit. A roll of 10 can be a 10 number card or any face card (Jack, Queen, King) valued at 10. A roll of 1 represents an Ace, which can be valued at either 1 or 11, per the player’s preference. After the first roll, players can decide if they wish to “hit” (roll again and add the value of the additional roll to their previous) or “stand” (abstain and stick with their current value), with a goal of getting to a total of 21 or as close as possible without going over.

Players may continue to roll until they either decide to stand, or until they “bust” (exceed 21). A dealer will roll against them, which the player can either roll themselves OOCly on behalf of the dealer or recruit another player to roll for. Whoever gets closest to 21 without busting is the winner. Players who are able to “get Blackjack” by rolling to 21 exactly get triple their bet!

Craps

Actual Craps is somewhat complex and not conducive to RP, so this is an extremely simplified version. Roll 2D6. This value will determine the “point” for that round. From there, you will have 7 rolls to attempt to roll the exact same value. If you fail to do so within 7 rolls, you lose and your bet is taken by the house. If you manage to roll the point, you win. If you at any point roll “snake eyes” (a pair of 1s), you automatically lose, unless it is the first roll to determine the point, in which case you may roll again.

Poker

Due to the numerous steps in Poker and the fact that it is meant to be played with the other people at the table as opposed to the dealer, most of a Poker game will be done ICly or handwaved.

Poker requires a minimum of 2 or a maximum of 5 guests and D20s. Place bets to enter, roll your D20 once, then keep the number to yourself. Based on your roll, determine whether you wish to “call” (double your existing bet for the opportunity to win) or “fold” (forfeit). Players who folded will not be eligible to win. All players who called will then reveal the number they rolled on the d20. The one who rolled the highest wins. Rather than doubling their own bet, however, the winner receives all money bet by other players, including those that folded.

Roulette

The Black Stag Casino, like most casinos, has a roulette wheel in the center of the room. However, when you approach, you see that it is not like a traditional roulette wheel.

Instead, all the tiles that should be red are blue, and marked with gold lettering that reads “WIN!” and the black tiles all have gold text on them that reads… well, each one is something different.

The rules are simple. Place a bet of your liking and spin the wheel. If you land on a “WIN” tile, then your chips are doubled as usual. If you land on any other tile, you are subject to the effect of that tile. You may interpret it however feels right to you, and one of these effects even supersedes the “no violence” rule! SPIN HERE!

Most Dangerous Game

On the far wall of the casino from the main door, you can see an exit onto a large balcony with seating overlooking what appears to be an enclosed area of the forest, marked as the “arena” on your map. Beside the doors, you can also see a bookie working at a betting counter. Above the counter, you can see the name of the game, which is simply listed in a stark font as “PREY”.

Additionally, you can occasionally hear a crackling audio that sounds a bit like an old intercom making announcements asking that various people (usually two names, sometimes more) to report to the arena booking counter. There are times listed for “matches” on the wall with people’s names listed, and you can place bets on each “match.” The bookie doesn’t care much to tell you what the premise of the game is, just that he’s the one you can sign up to play with if you want to participate, and that there’s a pretty significant windfall for winning.

- HOW TO PLAY -

- PREY -

Any Pumpkin Hollow resident can play the game in the role of Prey, either by deliberately signing up or by ICly “drafted” to play against their will. (OOCly players would still be volunteering their characters, it’s just an opportunity for you to force them to play if they might not want to.) ICly, the Predator that they are matched with is chosen by Aster with the aim of being an interesting and well-matched fight, though the Predator does get some input. (Again, OOCly this is decided by players entirely.)

Prey are entitled to any weapons or tools they request, but have no input on the environment. Their goal is to escape, incapacitate, or kill their Predator. There will be at least one escape route per arena layout whose location and escape conditions are determined by the Predator. The winner is determined by a combination of dice rolls and player communication.

Prey who win their match-ups will receive a significant prize--- a flat prize of 200 chips, plus 50% of all bets made against them. (Bets from NPC demons will be determined on a D100 and PC bets will be added in after, if there are any.) Prey who lose get 50% of all bets made in their favor, but are dead by normal Pumpkin Hollow rules for the rest of the day. No death certificate is needed for deaths occurring in PREY. Sending Stones do not function inside the arena. No other guests may enter the arena, even as ghosts.

In the PREY Betting thread below, it is the Prey’s responsibility to set up a top-level for their match-ups betting pool. This is done by simply replying to the betting thread with the names of the Prey and Predator as the comment’s title. (ex. [Prey name] vs. [Predator name])

- PREDATORS -

Predators are VIP guests specifically brought in by Aster for this purpose, who signed up to participate via a special character claim. No more can be added. Their goal is simple: to kill their prey, by any means necessary. Predators are given some leeway on who is chosen as their prey and are provided with any weapons or tools they desire. They are also allowed to have the arena magically modified to their liking. However, they cannot modify their environment during the match unless that is specifically one of their existing powers, and they must install at least one escape method into their arena. Predators who die are only dead for a few hours before Aster sets them right, and they are not rewarded or penalized for winning, as they are already being rewarded just for being here by Aster (who has promised them each some sort of wish) and are simply here to work.

The Predators available to play against are below the cut. The Predator is responsible for the starters for their match-ups in the PREY thread below so that they can set up their arena, unless otherwise discussed.

Predator Options

Acrid || Risk of Rain
Nama/Anri || acrid_rain

Allyin Kailius || Original Character
Yarrow || allyin

The Butcher || Malevolent
Meghan || sometimesfortissimo

Brooke Augustine || InFamous: Second Son
QV || helltopave

Chase Collins || The Covenant
Dee || bastardofipswich

Dahlia Leeds || Pumpkin Hollow
Rose || thethirteenthchild

David Xanatos || Gargoyles
Batya || still_got_the_edge

Fenrir || Original Character
Kalineh || odinsbane

FUTURE || SAYER
GladHatter || for_humanitys_future

The Goose || Untitled Goose Game
Jesse || a_anser_horribilis

Hol Horse || JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Sentis || emperorcard

Itazura Unmei || Final Fantasy XIV
constellation || bloodyscalesemptyheart

Jack Spicer || Xiaolin Showdown
Kai || howiruletheworld

Julia Montauk & Trevor Herbert || The Magnus Archives
Blue || tapetumlucidum

Leshy || Inscryption
Harvey || scrybeofbeasts

Mary || Identity V
Mira || predation

Max Jagerman || Nerdy Prudes Must Die
Rose || whowillprayforyou

Ned Low || Our Flag Means Death
Rin || forthelulz

Nikola Orsinov || The Magnus Archives
Rose || dancetheworldnew

King Oberon & Puck/Robin Goodfellow || Folklore
Guildenstern & Bash || oberlord & tailorcries

Spamton G. Spamton || Deltarune
Harvey || nowsyourchance

- SPECTATING & BETTING -

In order to bet, please make a comment in the appropriate betting thread stating which character is placing the bet, how many chips they are betting, and who they are betting on to win the match. Please do not use meta knowledge to influence your bets. If you bet correctly, your bet will be doubled as usual.

To spectate a match, grab a seat on the balcony overlooking the arena! The arena may be enclosed or have scenery that blocks the view, but not to worry--- two large magical screens will be tracking both the Predator and the Prey. You cannot communicate with anyone inside the arena.

Prize Counters

When you’ve earned enough chips, there are some exceptional prizes available at the prize counter! Choose from any of the following options:

Cheap Souvenir - 50 Chips
Some kind of weird junk. Can be nearly anything you like, within reason. Fuzzy blue dice, a bag of weird candy, a poorly made trophy, a Black Stag Casino branded pen, or a very ugly stuffed animal are all great options.

Bottle of Generous Garlic Powder OR Vanilla Extract - 100 Chips
A small bottle containing seemingly infinite high quality garlic powder for cooking or vanilla extract for baking, one or the other (you can get both but you must buy each separately). Not for the faint of heart, as in order for the bottle to retain its endless quality, you must always use its contents to excess each time you cook with them. If you follow the recipe, you will find them empty the next time you reach for the bottle.

Decanter of Endless Spirits - 200 Chips
A stunning crystal decanter that will contain an endless supply of an alcoholic beverage of the pourer’s choice. It is always of the finest quality. Be warned that those who drink from it will feel a slight temptation to overindulge.

Deerbone Dice - 300 Chips
A pair of 6-sided gambling dice made of deer bone, with the dots inlaid with gold. They feel very lucky. Anyone who owns these could add +3 to the result of any dice rolls they perform in any context for the duration of the game.

Silvertongue Amulet - 400 Chips
The wearer of this silver pendant would find themselves permanently more persuasive whenever wearing it, and would find it easier to get people to do things for them or give them information. It works even on the most powerful supernatural creatures, though the success may vary on demons, elder gods, or goddesses somewhat.

Infernal Service - 500 Chips
A ticket promising the services of one infernal servant under Aster, for any task that does not directly conflict with Aster’s interest in a non-negotiable way. Which Infernal Servant will be at Aster’s discretion and dependent upon availability.

Unholy Talisman - 700 Chips
A protective ward in an array of designs that will allow the wearer to resist the influence or workings of Nyarlathotep. Would only help with non-physical/mental effects, physical damage would not be preventable.

Fallen Angel Investor - 1000 Chips
A certificate indicating that Aster will personally fund an Entrepreneur career, paying for you to open a business of your choice. The funded business will automatically be a Level 3 business and there are absolutely no catches aside from Aster being a little nosy about how numbers are.

THE EXTRAS

{ CONTENT WARNINGS: Potential for overeating, heavy alcohol use, mental manipulation }

Food & Drink

Considering it's Aster’s specialty, you know that the food has to be good. And the staff is more than willing to identify everything in the food! It’s not human, they promise. (For once it’s genuinely not. Besides, lying was Mendel’s game. The Dark Feast prefers to skirt around the truth instead.)

There are two main places to eat. The first is a high end, luxurious restaurant with rich and well-made food, some of which is unique and a bit experimental. It’s the finest money can buy, and it’s all yours for free. A great place for a date! Never tried caviar? You can get it here.

The second is a buffet. The food here is also fantastic, though with significantly less bells and whistles. It’s all hot, fresh, and widely varied, and it’s never empty.

Additionally, there is also a stunning bar, whose bar-top is carved from dark wood and whose decor incites a close, intimate feel. There is a VIP room that intends to be specifically for Aster’s guests, the Predators and his family members, though others can join them if invited.

It’s worth noting that each of these places make it fairly challenging to stop consuming, and time seems to pass strangely in them, becoming easily lost. It takes a bit of willpower to leave them, and ordering room service doesn’t seem to really circumvent this problem, as you’re still left wanting more once you’re finished. However, the effect seems fairly mild--- except in the buffet. It is extremely easy to get trapped in the buffet, overindulging in the food there and losing hours and hours of time, and once you go the first time, you feel compelled to go back each time you get hungry. Overconsumption is Aster’s game, but it seems particularly potent there.

Shopping

On the bottom floor of the lodge, which is underground, there is a sprawling indoor shopping area designed to look like an outdoor promenade in a fancy commercial district, with stone shop fronts and gold-lettered signs and tasteful street-lamps lining the herringbone-pattern brick walkway. There are a fair few shops down there, some of which don’t seem completely compliant with the time period Pumpkin Hollow exists in. The shops are as follows:

Wolf’s Clothing: A high end boutique with stylists who can put together the perfect outfit. Everything is magically tailored to fit the wearer perfectly.

Quarry’s Demise: A shop that sells powerful magical armor and weaponry from the mainland. Purchase will be sent to the buyer’s home directly, as weapons are not allowed in the casino.

Flames of Yvelas: A shop selling powerful magical items and potions that you can’t get on the island. Combat products will be sent directly to the buyer’s home.

Complete Sustenance Market: a food market selling high end specialty products and health foods, many of which are not available in Pumpkin Hollow. Perishables will be sent directly to the buyer’s home.

Nightingale’s: A well-to-do bakery with fancy cakes and artisanal bread. Also serves coffee and tea. Occasionally you can see the baker, who is evidently a large wolf-monster with open throat lacerations. This does not seem to impact the quality of the product, or the sanitation of the kitchen. Apparently he just looks like that.

Buckskin Spirits and Liquors: A liquor store with everything imaginable.

Spacetime Super Store: an interdimensional clothing store that has clothing from other time periods, ranging from medieval to futuristic.

Ye Olde Pokemart: A shop that sells Pokemon supplies. It has a bakery counter in the corner that sells Pokemon-safe desserts called PokePuffs.

DreamThrift: a thrift store of some sort that seems to sell gadgetry, decorations, or mundane items from various worlds and time periods. Much of it is middling quality.

Spirit Halloween: Exactly what it says on the tin. How did this get here?

Ennui Perfumery: A perfume boutique that sells beautifully bottled perfumes named after abstract concepts, whose fragrances somehow smell exactly the way one expects the concept to smell and also evokes the feeling of that concept.

Price Guide

The specific items found in each shop are up to players, within reason, and are categorized within a set of broad categories. You may use your best judgment to determine the price of something. If the mods receive a massive influx of price check questions, we will explode, so please use the price menu to the best of your ability and reserve questions about pricing for things that you truly have no frame of reference for. Things are expensive because all of them will be things you cannot get back home!

Follow this link to view the price chart!

Entertainment

In addition to shopping and games, there are plenty of other fun things to do at the lodge. You could take in a show! There are magicians, acrobats, musical performances, and a stage that is dedicated to a 24-hour cabaret that becomes distinctly adults-only after dark. There’s also a spa where you can get massages, a magically-heated hot tub and swimming pool, and a dance hall. Take a break from gambling and check out the other indulgences available.

Grounds

Attempting to exit the casino is entirely possible, but not advisable, as you'll be met with a long and grueling journey through an endless woods full of increasingly violent predators and thick fog. Conveniently, however, once you turn back, you'll find the path very easily traversed and the lodge only a minute or two's walk away, even if you've been traveling through the woods for hours.

CHECK-OUT

{ CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A }

We Hope You Enjoyed Your Stay!

On November 4th at 11am, you will be allowed at last to exit as normal. But will you want to? Perhaps some of you will struggle with the temptation not to extend your stay. Remain a while more. Indulge, consume, obey.

Or not! We hope to see you back soon!

Comments

[abhorrently]

"Really? That wasn't me trying to be smart. That was just...me."

That had been necessary. Mendel had needed to be taken down, Dahlia freed, sure - but Fever's also not been one to leave someone behind if she can manage it. Leaving Valdis there, lost - impossible to think of. There hadn't been a doubt in her mind or a real thought to tactics beyond what ones would be needed to help Valdis out of whatever spell of madness she was under.

[redlightgreenlight]

"I meant being good. You said I was better to you than you were to me, that's simply not true. I'm an empath, I should know."

She taps the bartop with her fingertips, shaking her head when the demon bartender tries once again to take an order from her.

"If Max had been in a safe place, I would have left him to go fight. All I know how to do is fight. You said it was the same for you, but you chose to stand aside. Do you know why?"

[abhorrently]

"Of course I do. You needed me. You were all tangled up in Mendel's workings."

Putting her glass down, she can gesture with both hands now, implying a collection of something. Tangled yarn, or the like.

"He had you trapped, all locked up in the mess. And when it comes to navigating such things, I am something of an expert. Kind of have to be. You've felt how chaotic I can be." The invisible something is gently waved away. "I might be built to destroy, but unless the Prince himself was on our heels, I wasn't going to just leave you."

She's got a cold and shriveled heart if she has one at all, but she's loyal enough.

"When I say you're good to me, I mean in general. Talking to me, taking me seriously. Listening to me. Telling me things about where you come from, the life you lived before. Letting me come into your home. Being my friend. All of that and more. Even if I don't always deserve it. But. That's the sort of thing Angel usually tells me is bullshit."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis tips her head, understanding the answer, but not satisfied by it. Fever can explain away so much, and all of her explanations make sense to her. They would make sense to anyone without her powers of empathy, and they make sense to Fever herself, so there's not a reason for her friend to examine them further.

"Fever," she says softly, placing her hands flat on the counter so she doesn't reach for Fever's hand. "Do you think I deserve those same things I give to you?"

[abhorrently]

"Of course you do."

The answer's easy, heartfelt, and comes with a little smile.

"You deserve all of them. And more besides, which is why I'm happy that you have them. That you have Max, that you have everyone else, that present circumstances excepted, you have a place that doesn't torment you with every waking breath. You deserve a good life, Valdis. A good present, a hopeful future. You think all you know how to do is fight, but please, give yourself some more credit than that."

Picking up her glass again, she gazes down at the contents before taking another sip. Like this, she's warm, feels some of the constant tension in her muscles eased.

[redlightgreenlight]

As much as she appreciates hearing about what she deserves from Fever, that wasn't the point of the question.

"My body count is at least twice yours, probably more, and I had a thousand years to spill blood. I have been a monster far longer than I have had a soul, and yet you say I deserve all those wonderful things. So I have to ask, why don't you?"

[abhorrently]

This makes her go quiet for a long moment, before she has an answer.

"In all your violence, in your soullessness, in your thousand years of bloodshed - did you ever seek to end things on the scale that I did? Do you only really feel like you're in your own skin when you're killing? Can you lay down next to your lover and find them breathing in the morning? Do you...Valdis, can you cry, when you need to?"

It's a genuine question, despite everything.

"I can't. No matter what happens, I can't."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis finally reaches for Fever's hand, feeling the pain of loneliness all over again, the pain of guilt, everything she's felt about her past and everything she hasn't. Unlike Fever, she has never seen things as humans do, not even now, when she loves so many of them. She still would not shed a tear if that race disappeared, as self destructive as they are, and yet...she finds she doesn't want them to disappear either.

"Fenrir sought to rule all three realms, to kill the gods and insert us as the new ones. Even now, I am not certain that that won't be our fate...As for my own skin, I don't even know what I am. Am I a Hellhound, or am I an Angel of Death. Am I of Heaven, or of Hell. Am I even alive if I cannot cross into Death? These are all questions I still have, and they aren't even the only ones."

She's so tempted to just share her feelings with Fever as she had Miles, but she's not sure Fever would accept them or understand them.

"I have only had two lovers that I have loved in return, Fever. When the first died, I killed every living being within five miles in every direction. The second is Max, and I do not know if I could hold myself together if I lost him."

And then there was Miles, a relationship only just beginning.

"And I only learned to cry when I remembered what love was."

[abhorrently]

She listens, holding Valdis's hand in hers, taking note of the feeling of it, the weight of it in hers. How gentle they're both being, despite being capable of such terrific violence. She knows what Valdis is getting at, but she can't see it the same way. Can't find the angle to look at it where it aligns. There's a difference between them in this.

"But you can. You're capable of it. You can let it out, before it all poisons you."

Instead of having it seep into your bloodstream, into your head, sending you askew. On edge. Rotting you at the core. You're a threat to them all, eventually. Tears aren't required in that life.

"You asked why I don't deserve all those things. The answer's just..." She shrugs, exhaling. "Because I'm me. I don't know if I deserve much of anything at all, really. But people are kind enough to give to me anyway. Maybe I don't deserve their giving, yet I'm not going to reject what comes from their heart." A pause here, and her eyes look down again, solemn. "Even if I should be doing so. Maybe I wasn't created to know shame, as well as unable to cry."

It won't make sense to her companion. It doesn't have to.

"I don't really think about the future, anyway. I have to deal with enough in the present. Sort it out when you get there."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis hears Fever, yet it's impossible for her to understand why her friend is saying these things when she can feel they are untrue. Yes, she has never seen Fever cry, yes she hasn't tried to reject what Valdis wants to give her, yet it's a sincerely tragic sensation that engulfs her when she realizes that perhaps it's that Fever doesn't feel she can accept it either. No, she's not pushing anyone away, but she's not allowing their feelings to truly sink in.

It makes her wonder if she was like that in the years after Malachi died. She would pretend, manipulate, do what she needed to do to survive, but never allowed the feelings of others to touch her. It's painful to think that Fever may be going through the same thing.

You can love me, but I can't love you.

How many times had that thought gone through her head?

"Can I share something with you?"

[abhorrently]

It's because she's herself. Because she was made for this, the sphere of ruin. Because she can posture as much of a bold adventurer as she likes, but when it comes to things like this, she's a coward. Because she can say she's taking responsibility, and yet still hide the truth from those who deserve to know. Because she can say she's doing better, but still have supplies of poisons hidden in her apartment, wake up aching and longing to do more violence, to just give in.

Because maybe she's just not built for any of it, temporary as she was supposed to be. A deadline written into her body, built of borrowed flesh and borrowed blood. It doesn't matter if she doesn't have any of it, in that case. She doesn't need it. Made to sustain without it. And Fever wishes she could explain it to Valdis, somehow have her understand. It's okay. It's okay. She'll figure out the future when she gets there. It's okay. Don't look at her like that.

It's okay. She might not deserve the generosity people bestow upon her, but she takes it, and doesn't try and push it off. That's enough, right?

(She couldn't even hold on until winter. Pathetic.)

Oh. Valdis asked a question.

"Of course. Anything."

[redlightgreenlight]

Without a word, Valdis reaches out with her empathy to touch Fever's soul, gently, slowly, she offers the emotions she draws up from memories long past. It's a soft feeling, built from the days she spent with Malachi. The joys, the happiness. Kneading dough together made from flour they ground themselves, laying in the tall meadow grass while the winds dance along the stalks, sweeping the house while a white kitten bats at the broom. The warmth of snuggling under blankets by the fire while snow covers the ground outside. On and on they go, the happy memories.

But...they do not last. Slowly the emotions shift from warmth and love to worry, and concern as she recalls watching him grow old without her, watching his body and memory fade, helpless as she loses him while he still lives, helpless as he finally breathes his last. The sorrow, first slow and steady, still interwoven with the happiness he had given her.

Suddenly it explodes into agony and violence, and just as quickly becomes absolutely nothing, devolving into complete apathy.

"Will you listen further?" She asks quietly.

[abhorrently]

She's silent as she takes it in, feels the tenderness, the care, the truth of Valdis's memories. The sincere happiness that was there. A life that was their own, and no one else's. And Fever is not so foolish she doesn't realize how personal this is, this glimpse into a life that is precious, and carefully guarded, memory kept alive after all this time. Something as fragile as spun glass, and as glitteringly beautiful.

And then it changes, the slow downward fall of it all, and her heart aches for the two of them. The inevitable loss, the way time marches on ceaselessly. The pain that explodes, and then nothing, but it still hurts to an observer.

"Yes."

Despite how she's been drinking, her focus remains intact, as if the emotions were helping to sober her back up. Valdis is trying to tell her something, and that's why she has to listen. Has to pay attention to it.

[redlightgreenlight]

The following memories are less together, less cohesive, more aimless. There's a sensation of vague frustration, annoyance, jealously, disgust. Going through life as an immortal who has sworn off feeling anything worthwhile. There are moments of passion, fake smiles, heat between two people, never holding onto anything, washing away all care like soap in a shower. Nothing sticks, there's nothing to care about. No dreams, no reason to live, and yet no way to stop living. Despite that there is a sort of acceptance, not sad, not happy, just the factual existence that must continue.

Occasionally there is death. Sometimes her own, but mostly the uncaring feelings associated with the deaths of others. A distinct lack of care or concern. Complete apathy. It continues, and continues and continues, more memories that don't matter, feelings that never stick. Acting and reacting as nothing more than a façade, using the truth of others to make her way through a meaningless life.

"Are you still with me?"

[abhorrently]

She feels it, running over her as cold water, the numbness there was, is. Nothing matters. Nothing stays. And she thinks about everything she told herself upon setting foot on this island, looking at them all overjoyed to be on solid ground, to reunite, to embrace. It won't last. Drifting through the current, nothing lingering.

(Of course now, Fever knows she's not numb herself. Or else it wouldn't make her feel sick to think about leaving, to think about the barrier breaking and being sent away. I see how hard you're trying, Mortanne had said, and it's hope in the form of snowflakes, praying they don't melt away.)

Her hand tightens around Valdis's own, unwilling to lose her into that great and vast nothing.

"Yes. I'm still here."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis isn't lost in her emotional memories, not really, she only wishes to share them with Fever in a way that she knows will be accepted. Sometimes words aren't enough.

The emotions shift. Suffering. Immense and daily, unending, ever-present pain that can't be escaped no matter how hard she tries. In the midst of all that pain, however, there is a lightness, despite the heavy toll of the new freedom brought by the newest cage. There's laughter, friendship, that slow acceptance of something more.

Some of that joy from so long ago returns, laughter, love, friendship...but agony still threatens to swallow it, every moment of every day. Then that explosive pain of loss returns, followed by a subtle determination that ends in the utmost sorrow.

She's tempted to ask Fever again if she wants to continue, but the woman had sworn to follow her into hellfire, so she won't ask this time.

She allows new emotions to flood their connection, happiness, the discovery of something new, something perhaps she hadn't allowed before. Something secret, a sorrow, a resolve. The elation of fighting alongside an equal, of quiet moments holding warm teacups in the dark. Sitting in silence without words as her companion experiences the pain of loss. Talking about deep things that no one else knows. The things too painful to share, the things she's afraid make her seem weak. There's fear, quickly followed by a solace and resolve, a refusal to let the madness take over, to allow her personal demons get the better of her. The quiet comfort of a person who asks for nothing in return and makes her want to give them everything they feel they don't deserve.

The quiet, patient longing for that person to see themselves as she sees them, for them to understand what they mean to her. It's soft, and sad, and painful...but not in a bad way. One might even say the feelings are beautiful, even if they aren't bright.

"What about now?"

[abhorrently]

Fever listens, and does what she can to understand. Strokes the back of Valdis's hand with her thumb, and lets the feelings come in, surrounding her like curtains, weighted and gentle. Letting them run through her in all their complexity. She cannot tear her gaze away, nor would she want to. But even so, parts of her react - that fear of seeming weak, something in her reaches out, tries to say you're not. Oh, she could take these, wrap herself up in them, in their weight like velvet. And all she can do is bow her head, keep breathing. Until she's over the reflex that would otherwise make her want to push back and turn her face from it all.

"Yeah." A pause, then, impaired inhibition makes its move, empowers her to ask a question she might have otherwise shied from. "Can...can I..."

Say something back, she means.

[redlightgreenlight]

As she shares everything with Fever, she can only sit with her own feelings, unable to track both in the moment.

Valdis doesn’t expect Fever to return the feelings, to admit them, to feel them as she does, but she only wants Fever to feel how real they are, and hopefully she might be able to realize that some of them match what she is feeling.

“I’m listening.”

[abhorrently]

What comes through, as tentatively as peeking around a door, is a mixed up jumble. Something as chaotic as the usual buzzing in her head, but...more somber. A sense of always being on edge, always walking a tightrope. Knowing certain doom is coming, looking at someone (dark hair, green eyes) and feeling the twin sensations of care and bone shattering hatred. It's foreign, but it's not, until everything is wiped out in the mind but needing to kill, a need like one for air, for water, control not even a memory.

And then it's over, but the pain lingers, the aftershocks, coloring everything. The sensation of never being safe. Joy and care and affection always tinged with fear, as if a hand will come to strike, as if it will all shatter. (An unconscious grief, and all knives pointed inwards.) The feeling of lying awake next to someone (and the memories, tentative, soft, laced with sorrow) with a resolve to not sleep, to not lose control. Apology, and the choked back silence of a coward.

Threads of despair, because the time is never enough. It was always coming. But it came too soon.

And a dense fog that settles on the skin. The certainty that you are low, low, low. Gazing upward at the stars, but so far down. It is not anger. It is resignation. This is how it is.

"...are you still with me."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis listens as only she can, understanding the fear mixed into everything shared by Fever.

It’s sad, and reasonable and not so different from her own story, except for the resignation. She had never felt that particular emotion, nor the loss of control that Fever so fears. The loss of self.

“I’m with you.”

[abhorrently]

The fog is always there. You know what you are. But there is light. Some people shine, and the brilliance is almost painful. Beautiful. And a longing to stay near that light, to bask in it, even if you do not shine yourself. A shadow exists where light is. That is enough.

The growing of a bond, one that is not a blade at her throat but a lifeline cast out to sea. Awe, and respect, and ever increasing admiration, woven over so many moments of shares existence. Being near this person, how they shine, all starlight, softly radiant. Warmth that slowly moves in, as welcome as the warmth that comes from a teacup pressed into hands on a brisk day. It is unfathomably precious. And a quiet, quiet wish - that bloodstained hands might not extinguish that light.

"And...and now?"

[redlightgreenlight]

The truth found within Fever’s emotions don’t hurt. They are real, they are soft, they are filled with longing and fear. Nothing she feels would entice her to try to convince Fever of anything different. It doesn’t matter that she is forever, it doesn’t matter that she would forgive. It is Fever’s truth that means the most to her, and while Fever is saying she feels the same, she is also saying that she’s afraid, she doesn’t believe it’s worth the risk, and she wants things to stay as they are.

And that is how it shall be, nothing will change between them for as long as Fever wants it to remain as it is.

“I hear you.”

[abhorrently]

It would be unfair, to ask Valdis to take that risk. But perhaps it can be something like what she has with another, something without a name. Something undefined, until the right word comes along to name it, but something that still exists.

"Okay."

And maybe it's the drink, maybe it's the intimacy of this connection, maybe it's how this place encourages indulgence - or all three - but a different feeling blossoms in the connection, a different kind of longing and desire than previously expressed, until Fever's reflexes can kick back in and she scrambles to pull it back in, keeping her eyes firmly on the bar counter while she feels her cheeks grow warm. She's embarrassed, but she can't bring herself to be apologetic about it.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis looks away and smiles when she senses that desire rise in Fever. It's one she's felt many times, from many people, so she knows what it is, but she won't disrespect Fever's boundaries, no matter how much she wants to do the same. She squeezes Fever's hand, holding it for a moment before releasing it and withdrawing her soul from Fever's. The connection will never truly be broken, but her emotions will no longer flow freely to the other.

"It's ok," she says. "I'm happy for things to remain as they are, I just...really wanted you to know the truth."

[abhorrently]

Not being connected is a good thing, because it means the way she's briefly disappointed in its absence won't be felt, that she can try to fold back up her desires back where they came from. She knows it causes no offense, but she still probably has a flush on her face, if only because the timing could have been a lot better.

"I..." She has to try. Has to push words out, even as she wants to bury her face in her hands. "It doesn't have to remain as it is. I just don't know what it would become. Is becoming. And I don't want to get the name of it wrong, so I have to take the time to find what that name is. "

But she does make herself look back at Valdis, so she knows how serious Fever is.

"It just...when you tried to tell me to go, to fight for the others, I didn't stay because I thought you were weak or anything like that. I simply couldn't abide the idea of you in that hell alone. Among your enemies, with no one who cared for you. I just couldn't."

Someone was always going to kill Mendel. But was there going to be someone else to navigate the chaos for Valdis? That wasn't a risk she has wanted to take.