[Closed] And There Do I See Myself

[blindwatchersees]

Who: Sheogorath, Siebren, and Sigma
What: A meeting of identities
Where: Worm's Grotto (Paradesium)
When: Early September
Warnings: Disassociation and identity disorders, partially influenced by a supernatural element

It's early evening when the butterflies gather on his windows and walls, turning the golden light of the setting sun into a kaleidoscopic display.

Hallo, mijn vriend. Do you have a little time? There is something we think you ought to meet.

Comments

[spaghettification]

Siebren holds out a hand in a clear invitation to be a landing pad for the butterflies.

"I'm off work tonight, but I am supposed to open the library tomorrow. So if you're going to blow my mind completely, let me find myself a replacement for that."

[blindwatchersees]

You may want to make those arrangements. You’re quite likely to blow your own mind!

[spaghettification]

"That sounds painful."

Siebren calls around and finds one of the other librarians willing to switch for that shift, before tucking his malachite sending stone away.

"So. What now?"

[blindwatchersees]

Go to the grotto in Paradesium- the one the Voice talked about on the radio. Go there and be ready. It was not easy for us to learn how to be unafraid of the mer in the mirror.

[spaghettification]

Siebren sighs, moving to change into Outdoor Clothing, before heading for the door.

Onward, he 'hikes' to Paradesium, trying to keep his wits about him along his way.

[blindwatchersees]

The grotto has become more distinctive in the past few months. Luminous orange and seafoam plants grow from the thick, woody roots along the floor and walls. As Siebren draws near, a silhouette forms out of mycelium. It waits patiently, a hand outstretched.

[spaghettification]

Siebren's gaze lingers on that hand uncertainly.

"You're not going to tell me what this is, just ask me to jump in blind?" He's stalling, not actually expecting an answer.

[blindwatchersees]

You know what’s going to happen more than you want to admit you do. This has been a long time coming.

[spaghettification]

"Many things have, my buggy friends."

Siebren isn't sure why that sparks dread in him. He accepts his counterpart's hand, still uncertain what he's about to face.

[blindwatchersees]

Siebren feels for a moment as if his heart is being gripped by invisible fingers. The mycelium smooths and shapes, until the features of a man… a familiar man, no, more than familiar, emerges, clad in cutting-edge armor and floating a few inches off the ground. The man-out-of-the-mirror startles, then scowls, then narrows his eyes.

“What is this trickery?” he asks, more to himself than his counterpart.

[spaghettification]

Siebren doesn't let go of his hand, squinting slightly as he tries to see what he is seeing.

And then all at once he understands. "No, you don't get to be here!"

[blindwatchersees]

The shadow, or imposter, or whatever he is drifts backward, indignant.

“Where is here, dubbelganger? You are either some trick, or some delusion, and I doubt I will like the outcome of trusting either.”

Then he closes his eyes, seeming to be in some discomfort.

“Nee, ik… Ik zou het moeten weten…”

[spaghettification]

"Wees lief voor jezelf. Don't try to resolve everything right away, just to have a resolution." He's half scared that Sigma will resort to violent means for self-protection's sake, right now.

[blindwatchersees]

He shakes his head.

“You… are myself, yes? But… nee, I think there’s something around the eyes… The music here, it mocks me.”

[spaghettification]

“I’m a version of you displaced in time and space. I am not you as you are. I am you as you might someday be, in a place where you are safe to be.”

He’s realizing, in seeing this, how lucky he is.

[blindwatchersees]

Sigma scoffs.

“Echt? Dit is geen gecapitonneerde kamer. Is it a safe place, mijn ander, or a place to make others safe from me?”

Siebren, you are offering butterflies to a man who only knows broken promises.

[spaghettification]

He needs to think for a second, not because he isn’t certain of the answer. But because he wants to be honest with his self.

“The safety of the place isn’t influenced directly by my presence itself. Others, they aren’t at threat from me.”

[blindwatchersees]

“And how is that? By whose ‘charity’ are we here, and what will it take for them to wrest it away again?”

He doesn’t trust himself. Neither of him.

“You are telling me something I would love to believe. Perhaps I could convince myself, if I looked out at only a sliver of the horizon. Let me fall just as slowly as the ship beneath me, and I can call myself unfettered. Ha! But they all see, in the end, as they face the music, that no one escapes gravity. And… I am no different.” His frantic, dissonant notes rise to a crescendo, then fall, until, mezzo piano, he bows his head again.

[spaghettification]

“Aren’t you though, kleine broer? Aren’t we?”

He gestures toward Sigma’s feet, which don’t touch the ground.

[blindwatchersees]

This seems to give him pause.

“Have we? Have we, indeed?”

He floats a little higher, seeming to fully take in his surroundings for the first time.

“Gravity is a tether. It binds all things. If we are not bound, then what does that make us? Certainly, I look at myself and I see that I float, but I maintain, otherwise, an acceleration synchronized to the planet beneath me. Is there some vast, subconscious calculation at play? Orbital mechanics, unspoken, understood as easily as breathing? My, my… I could have asked this question before.”

He smiles. It’s genuine, but unsettling, infused with something vast and lonely.

“Tell me… two black holes collide. They produce gravitational fluctuations. What happens when one swallows the other, in the unfathomable about of time it would take for that to happen?”

[spaghettification]

“Their immense weight creates a larger singularity, with a broader event horizon.” Or at least that’s one theory.

“This world has new forces to quanitify. Magic, fate, all subject to study.”

[blindwatchersees]

Scowl.

“Do we study magic now?”

[spaghettification]

“We’re a librarian. And a musician still. Violin, mostly. The local piano is often hungry.”

Which is a function of magic.

[blindwatchersees]

He blinks, looking rather lost, as if he’s having trouble imagining leading such an untroubled life.

“Are we… satisfied, with that? Does it not feel confining, to live a life that isn’t in free-falling orbit around some greater goal?”

[spaghettification]

"Are you satisfied, living in a cage?" He can be gentle with himself, but the question is important to ask.

[blindwatchersees]

“This is the closest thing to freedom I can hope for. That I can test these abilities without limitation, to discover their uses, their applications… Without Talon, I would be watching the universe pass me by, and have no way of traversing it.”

It isn’t really a direct answer.

[spaghettification]

"Dwaas in mijn spiegel, that wasn't what I asked you. Put your hope aside. But your fear of isolation, being locked in Lucheng's asylum aside." Siebren leans in close, almost close enough that the tip of his nose touches Sigma's.

"Are you satisfied, living in a cage?"

[blindwatchersees]

He looks away, looks down, and doesn’t answer.