Ruby Rose (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
littlefairytale) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ph_logs2024-09-05 07:10 pm
littlefairytale) wrote in ph_logs2024-09-05 07:10 pm
[CLOSED] I am not okay and I need you to see it
Who: Ruby (littlefairytale), Darcy (saltwaterlungs), Dimitri (prince_of_beasts) and Phil (goodweather)
What: Ruby finally talks about some things
When: Earlyish September
Where: 499 Winter's Avenue Farmhouse
Warnings: Explicit discussion of suicide, plus a likely side of discussion of child soldier stuff and mass casualty events
The last few months have been a series of ups and downs. In many ways, Ruby is doing better recently—living in the farmhouse has been good for her, she's made progress in therapy, the medication Sally gave her is starting to work, and the shawl she got from Celestine is comforting even on bad days. But doing better doesn't mean she is better, and with the disappearance of people like Peter and Erin, and now the looming spectre of that Visitor's Centre, there have been a lot of bad days.
She's not sure what kind of day it is when something finally gives—good or bad or something else entirely. It doesn't really matter, she supposes. All that matters is that something in her shifts and she knows that if she doesn't let it happen now, then it might be months before she finds the courage again, if she ever does. She has to do this. She has to tell someone before something does it for her, or something stops her, or— or anything else happens.
So, that evening, Ruby comes downstairs to join the others in the family room and just says: "Can— can we have a talk? All of us? Please?"
littlefairytale), Darcy (saltwaterlungs), Dimitri (prince_of_beasts) and Phil (goodweather)What: Ruby finally talks about some things
When: Earlyish September
Where: 499 Winter's Avenue Farmhouse
Warnings: Explicit discussion of suicide, plus a likely side of discussion of child soldier stuff and mass casualty events
The last few months have been a series of ups and downs. In many ways, Ruby is doing better recently—living in the farmhouse has been good for her, she's made progress in therapy, the medication Sally gave her is starting to work, and the shawl she got from Celestine is comforting even on bad days. But doing better doesn't mean she is better, and with the disappearance of people like Peter and Erin, and now the looming spectre of that Visitor's Centre, there have been a lot of bad days.
She's not sure what kind of day it is when something finally gives—good or bad or something else entirely. It doesn't really matter, she supposes. All that matters is that something in her shifts and she knows that if she doesn't let it happen now, then it might be months before she finds the courage again, if she ever does. She has to do this. She has to tell someone before something does it for her, or something stops her, or— or anything else happens.
So, that evening, Ruby comes downstairs to join the others in the family room and just says: "Can— can we have a talk? All of us? Please?"
no subject
Then Ruby breaks into sobs, and none of that matters. Dimitri's on his feet and across the room in a heartbeat, resting his hand on Ruby's shoulder.
He doesn't know what to say, but he's here.
cws continue
and they would prefer to keep it that waybut the lattice that holds them together is family of a kind nonetheless, strong and flexible.For a moment, the fuzzy image of theirself at Phil's age gets a little clearer. Someone who probably still struggles, still is sad sometimes, still feels the way they feel now, but... just used to it. Worn into being theirself the same way you wear in a pair of boots. It would be nice to imagine them being this useful as an adult. That everything they've suffered might one day be able to guide someone else out of it.
Darcy feels a kind of cold sympathetic tears welling at the back of their throat, croaks-
"It's not your fault. She did that to you, it's... not your fault you took it. But. Don't do it again. Please."
It's not like Darcy has much faith in things improving, not like the hope they maintained in the last place ever did them much good, but they can't deal with Ruby dying again. It might be a selfish request, but it's one they mean.
no subject
When Darcy pleads, it isn't only Ruby they're speaking to. He said he'd been managing it, but it's... difficult. Of course it's difficult. He's still struggling. Hearing their desperation, no matter for whom--don't do it again, please--hits a sympathetic note inside him, and his grasp tightens.
no subject
It takes a little time for Ruby to be able to do more than cry uselessly, but eventually the gasping turns to hiccuping turns to sniffling as she lets herself lean into Darcy's presence and rest a hand over the one on her shoulder. Only then does she manage to nod, and only after a few long, deep breaths in and out does she find the ability to speak.
"I-I won't. I-I— I promise. I won't— do it to myself again. I-I don't— I don't want to want to."
She wants to feel better, she wants to feel ready to live, she wants to want to be Ruby Rose again.