[Open] Sickening Static Surrounds My Mind

[xiaoxiuya]

Who: Shen Qingqiu (xiaoxiuya)
What: Open log for Shen Qingqiu's return after a month-long absence
When: After the beach party
Where: The enforcer's office, the temple, & all over town
Warning(s): Discussion of mental assault, resulting in long-lasting injury.

The morning after his sudden and unexpected appearance at the beach party, Shen Qingqiu marches himself into Janine Kilbride's office in order to bow before her desk and apologize. He tells her plainly that he sustained a psychic injury during the shared dream experienced by CT, John Crichton, and so many others, and as a result of this injury he is unable to account for his whereabouts this past month. However, he swears that he is fit to return to work.

This...may not be entirely true.

"Reduced" is the best word to describe the Shen Qingqiu that rejoins his fellow enforcers that day. No longer does he gracefully flit from room to room like a leaf on the wind; he walks like an ordinary mortal. No longer does he forego food or breaks, nor does he appear to be as fresh at the end of the day as he was when he walked in. He eats like a starving man, and as morning turns to afternoon a pinched look comes over his face. He winces when spoken to, closes doors and cabinets with exaggerated care, and can sometimes be caught rubbing his temples or pinching the bridge of his nose. He leaves the office at the end of the day with poorly-disguised relief.

The next morning, there are bags under his eyes.

A few days after that, he drags himself into the temple, seating himself close to the altars with a quiet sigh and settling in to meditate, his eyes closed and hands folded on his lap. The spiritual aura of the holy place offers him a small degree of relief from inner turmoil -- but will it be enough?

Comments

Temple

[incomingchoppers]

Radar's really come to like the quiet of the temple, too. Some of it's the same quiet you get at any church, just because everybody's keeping their voices down and focusing their thoughts on the same place. But he's gotta wonder if some of it really is the Mothers, too -- if it's some sort of magic they're working, since they're right here. Some way they're turning the volume down a little, maybe. Stilling the air so it takes a lot more to disturb it.

He whispers a hello to both the Catholic altar Father Mulcahy set up (just in case) and to Serranai, then goes to sit closer to the big tree at the temple's center.

At least, that was the plan.

Instead, he trips on a root, yelps loud enough to totally shatter the quiet -- and probably Shen Qingqiu's meditation attempt -- and crashes to the floor.

"Sorry!" he babbles as he pops back up to his feet. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud!"

[xiaoxiuya]

Shen Qingqiu comes out of the trance with a pained gasp, clutching at his head -- but to his credit the first thing he does is squint through the painfully bright light that is suddenly filling his eyeballs and ask Radar, "Are you okay?"

"Don't worry about it, just...have a seat wherever," he adds. "Accidents happen." He's not going to chew Radar out for tripping, he's not Shen Jiu!

[incomingchoppers]

"Sorry, sir," he says again in a stage whisper, "I'm okay, yeah," and then just kind of... plops right back down where he fell, since Shen Qingqiu did say he should sit wherever. Boy, he looks as awful as Radar felt the morning after the beach party. He really should've watched his step and not caused a ruckus.

"Are, uh -- are you okay, Mr. Shen? You don't look so good."

[xiaoxiuya]

...He didn't actually mean 'sit down right next to me,' but it's fine. It's fine! Maybe he can give Radar a few pointers about meditation and mindfulness, once he's settled down a little. He dredges up a small smile, managing to look simply tired rather than exhausted or agonized, and says, "I'm managing. I incurred a slight injury last month that's still lingering, but I'm sure I'll be back to normal quite soon."

In fact he insists on it.

[incomingchoppers]

"Oh, okay." The worry pinching his forehead doesn't smooth out right away. "'Cause I remember you were on the list I got together when I was calling around trying to figure out where a whole buncha people went when they all got killed earlier in the summer. And then I didn't see you anywhere for a while, but I guess if you got hurt you were probably keeping to yourself, huh. Are the doctors taking care of you okay?"

He bets they are. All the doctors here are great!

[xiaoxiuya]

He holds back a sigh. Of course a professional clerk would see the holes in his story; and here Shen Qingqiu is, much too tired and in pain to think of a good lie. "I'm very sorry to have worried you," he says instead. "Doctor Menelikov is keeping an eye on me now, although I'm afraid there's not much to be done except wait for my mind to heal. But I'm also afraid I can't account for my movements in the time between the shared dream that resulted in that, er, group death, and the beach party. It seems I went into some kind of fugue state."

[incomingchoppers]

"For a whole month?!"

Radar's voice starts to rise before he remembers and quickly checks himself. "Sorry," he says again in a whisper. "Jeez, a whole month, that's awful. I'm real sorry. I didn't know anybody got hurt that bad when it happened."

Mr. Rambo didn't want to talk about it too much -- Radar doesn't blame him one bit for that -- but he and Father Mulcahy both seemed pretty okay. Nothing like what seems to have happened to Mr. Shen.

As his curiosity gets the better of him: "Is Dr. Menelikov like a psychiatrist? We've got one of those that visits our unit sometimes, Dr. Freedman. He's helped a whole lotta guys get their heads back on straight."

[xiaoxiuya]

Shen Qingqiu winces, clutching at his head and waving at Radar to keep it down. "Please -- don't raise your voice like that," he finally mutters. "It's really very uncomfortable."

"I don't think Anzu is a psychiatrist per se," he tries to answer. "My understanding is more that he's a town GP, with a side in medical necromancy. Because that's a thing on his world, apparently. It sounds a bit like the magical equivalent of a coroner. More to the point he's my friend and all too happy to sit on me if he thinks I'm pushing myself too hard."

[incomingchoppers]

Radar tries not to cringe at the scolding. While he fails miserably on that count, at least he doesn't rattle off a few dozen more whispered sorry!!s.

But he does snicker, very quietly, as Shen Qingqiu describes what Anzu might do. "Yeah, sometimes you gotta have friends who'll do that," he says, with the sympathetic understanding of a guy who's both been the sitter and the sittee at times. "Especially when you're sick. We get guys in post-op all the time who wanna go back to their unit two days after they, I dunno, got a big chunk of their chest sewn up or their whole leg re-set. I swear sometimes the doctors spend half their jobs arguing with 'em to just sit tight for a couple weeks so they don't hurt themselves worse."

[xiaoxiuya]

Shen Qingqiu winces a little himself, recognizing some of his own bad habits in Radar's description, along with the echo of Mu Qingfang's exhausted voice as he begs, 'Please Shen-shixiong, please stay in bed for just one more day.' Shen Qingqiu had rarely listened.

"It feels better to work," he says, a trifle defensively. "To be doing something productive, and making yourself feel useful. I don't like just lying around." Except for all the times when he does. But it's different, when it's your choice.

[incomingchoppers]

"Oh, no, I get it, when I got my appendix out Colonel Blake caught me trying to sneak out to my desk so I could write the morning report," says Radar earnestly. "I tried it two days in a row before he hid my typewriter. If you got a lot of people depending on you it makes it hard to sit still. But you gotta do it. I almost pulled one of my stitches and my desk's right next to post-op! I barely had to go anywhere!"

[xiaoxiuya]

Shen Qingqiu sighs. "You're right, of course. It's just...yeah. It's difficult." Maybe he should take another leave of absence, at least until his migraines go away...but how long will that be? What if he's just stuck like this now, a broken cultivator?

"So what brought you to the temple today, anyway?" he asks, trying to change the subject.

[incomingchoppers]

"I, uh." The sheepish look creeps back over Radar's face as he realizes what he's about to say. "I like the quiet in here. There's not a lot of people most of the time, and everything's just kinda... I dunno. Quieter. Plus I wanted to say hi to Serranai."

He nods toward her altar, cheeks reddening a bit. Bless this guy and his head-over-heels, love-at-first-sight crush.

[xiaoxiuya]

"-- Oh! Really?" Shen Qingqiu looks between Radar and the altar, a quizzical expression on his face. Finally he asks, both reluctant and curious, "So how does that...work, exactly? Does she ever talk back?"

[incomingchoppers]

"Oh, not usually if you're just saying hi," explains Radar. "But if you actually ask 'em something and maybe light a candle or leave a present, they'll answer. My first week here I talked to Miss Mortanne and she sent me an actual letter through the mail and everything. And, uh -- "

Yeah, he's blushing harder. And starting to grin, a little doofily, without realizing.

"When it's their season they'll be around. Like spring for Serranai. I met her in person when I was helping out with the, uh, the speed dating event back in May."

[xiaoxiuya]

"...Huh." Shen Qingqiu props his chin up on one hand, his skepticism fading. Well, why not? Why shouldn't the gods talk to people directly? This is a fantasy land after all, and just because it didn't work that way in PIDW doesn't mean it can't happen here.

"So what was she like? Did she say anything to you?" If this was a public social event, then hopefully the encounter is less private than that mysterious letter!

[incomingchoppers]

On a long, lovesick sigh: "She's incredible."

...Okay, c'mon, Radar, you can say a little more than that about the love of your life.

"I think she might be the prettiest girl I ever met in my life. She's so fun, and nice, and... you ever meet somebody and all you wanna do is sit next to 'em and talk forever? If that's all I ever got to do with her I'd still be the happiest I ever been. I don't think I ever felt like that about anybody before."

Even Linda Sue! The girl he literally proposed to before he left for Korea!

[xiaoxiuya]

"Aw." Shen Qingqiu smiles through the pang in his heart. Radar is being genuinely adorable right now -- and nobody needs to hear about how he misses his old disciple. "She sounds lovely. Are you going to try to talk to her again? Maybe..." He winks. "Pursue something more?"

[incomingchoppers]

"With a goddess?!"

At least this time, Radar keeps his slightly squeaky outburst to an appropriate volume.

"Oh, gee, there's no way she'd do that. Ever! She's -- she's -- " He makes a few helpless gestures that stop this shy of flailing. "Literally a goddess! What would she want with me? Even regular girls don't want anything to do with me!"

Look at him, Shen Qingqiu! He's short, he's all soft around the middle, he wears glasses, and he couldn't flirt to save his life or somebody else's.

[xiaoxiuya]

"Well that certainly can't be true," Shen Qingqiu argues, grinning. "She spoke to you first, right? So you must have something she likes. Besides," he points out reasonably, "Gods take up with humans all the time, don't they? Just think of how many stories there are!"

Don't be so hard on yourself, Radar! If Shen Qingqiu were into men, he'd think you were pretty adorable!

[incomingchoppers]

If possible, Radar flushes even brighter. Scandalized: "Not the kinda gods I know about!"

He definitely would've remembered that part of sitting through church. (...Wait, does Mary count? But that wasn't like -- was it? Ohhhhh boy he didn't even think about it like that until right this second and now he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to un-think it. He's never gonna survive Christmas once it gets here.)