[OPEN] And so I'm having a wonderful time

[spaghettification]

Who: Siebren and You
What: Post-Cult Recovery, Information Dissemination and general Siebrenity
When:Mid-July
Where: Places and also locations
Warning(s): Discussion of mental health and trauma likely, along with cult event CWs. Also, heavy alcohol use.

1. A woman came up to me and said [Library]
Regardless of what's in Siebren's head, he still shows up to work. Sometimes, he focuses on simple matters; reshelving, cleaning, dealing with things that need him to be tol (or rather, to be not-grounded). Other times, he'll be at the reference desk, nose-deep into some sort of book. He's doing a very good job at presenting himself as stable and pushing himself to be useful. He's making a point of not isolating himself from his community.

Those who know him more than passingly, though, can tell he's distracted and a bit absent. Moments when he hangs like a bad internet connection. Perhaps it's time to check in on your local sad science grandpa.


2. I'd like to poison your mind [Oak and Iron]
If you see something, say nothing, and drink to forget.

Siebren is drinking. Heavily. He's alone at a table at the Oak and Iron, a bottle of wine and a single glass in front of him, and he is getting himself thoroughly shitfaced. For better or worse, he seems a quiet, depressive sort of drunk rather than a disruptive one (though his bottle occasionally floats over the table instead of sitting neatly on it). But this is clearly not a celebratory sort of drinking.

Still, if you acquire a glass from the staff, he might be encouraged to share, just so he's not drinking that whole bottle alone.


3. With wrong ideas that appeal to you [Empty Pockets Open Mic]
There's a song stuck in his head. Oh, it has been there for a while now, but now, it's stuck deeper than usual, running around the edges of his mind at all hours. Luckily, there are appropriate times and places to pass an earworm along. Like open mic night.

While he warms up with some Phillip Glass, some Satie, he jumps into the main event quickly, a look of concentration on his face as he draws down the music of the universe and plays it back.

Catch him after his performance, before he slips out the back door?


4. Though I am not unkind [Wildcard]
[As usual, darkersolstice on discord to plot. Or throw yourself at me, I'm easy.]

Comments

[not_a_traitor]

...Why does Gaeta have the slightly sinking feeling that Siebren means butterflies literally.

(Because, well. Madness god.)

"I'll have to keep that in mind if I ever meet him," he mutters. Which is an extremely disconcerting idea; Gaeta's never fallen to that level of madness, but he's still had too many reasons to question his sanity since the Colonies fell. "Can I ask -- what did Nyarlathotep ask about you?"

[spaghettification]

"If I was enjoying the party. And then...why I didn't become radicalized, when I lost my mind for the first time, in my world. Why I wasn't unleashed from concepts like morality and reputation. It was a flawed question, really."

It was also an intensely personal one, which is why Gaeta doesn't also just get the answer.

[not_a_traitor]

Gaeta snorts, unamused. "Like that's the only reason someone could be amoral," he says. "If they've lost their mind."

[spaghettification]

"I think its expectation was the other way around. That part of losing one's mind is losing one's sense of morality entirely. I...cannot claim to be a good person, Gaeta. But I feel bad about that, still."

[not_a_traitor]

"That's just as absurd as saying only the insane can be amoral." Flatly. "Sanity is sanity and morality is morality."

He sounds exceptionally sure of this.

[spaghettification]

"And neither of those is a binary thing, where you have it or have lost it. Or even a meter measuring the amount. But were we expecting a nuanced understanding of morality from our creepy friend?"

Siebren gives Gaeta a curious look. "You speak with the confidence of someone who's been mad."

[not_a_traitor]

He goes still. One hand splays atop the reference desk, and a brief, but obvious, expression passes over his face: someone who is visibly calculating how much to share -- even with a friend -- and how much to keep to himself.

"Not exactly," is what he decides on at last, quieter. "But I've seen my share of leaders lose their morality and stay as clear-eyed as ever. It's worse than if they'd just lost their minds. If you think someone's crazy, it's easy to dismiss what they're saying. If you don't..."

Gaeta shrugs.

[spaghettification]

"Ah." Siebren quickly works to smooth over his own expression--so he's the only one in this conversation who has completely lost his marbles. Well. That's very good for Gaeta, and he shouldn't be jealous of it.

"May I guess that your death came because of someone's immoral choices?"

[not_a_traitor]

"Yes."

Another one of those calculating pauses, and then Gaeta smiles, just a little, without a trace of humor. "And how I chose to respond to it. It's not like I was doomed to die. I could have gone along with my commanding officer's decision. And who knows, maybe I'd still be alive for a few more weeks, a month or two."

Until the inevitable happened and the Cylons turned on them once more. All of this has happened before, and will happen again.

"But I didn't swear an oath to one man when I got my commission. I swore it to the Colonial Fleet."

[spaghettification]

"You don't owe me the full story. But if someday you want to tell me, I will listen. Perhaps somewhere with a stronger drink and more privacy."

He doesn't want Gaeta to feel like he's prying for it all.

[not_a_traitor]

It's more of a kindness than Gaeta showed Siebren, honestly. A bit of guilt twinges his insides at the realization, but all he does is nod.

"I'd like that. Someday," he says, low.