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ph_logs2024-04-10 10:00 pm
be_seeing_you) wrote in ph_logs2024-04-10 10:00 pm
April Catch All
Who: Number 6 & Open
Where: Around town and on the farm
What: Various prompts for April
When: Currently before Flood, might add some for After Flood
Warnings: [cw: Talk about spousal death, illness, grief, depictions of chronic impending fatal illness]
A. Around the farm
Number 6 is finally starting to look the part out here on the farm. He found a pair of dungarees and work boots stowed away in the attic of their home and he's donned them now along with a wide-brimmed sunhat to protect his pale complexion from the worst of the sun's rays. It can only do so much, and as a result, his face has broken out in an explosion of freckles. Despite that and the sunburns, he's happy. His hands are covered in dirt from plowing the soil and his shirt is soaked from the sweaty work of hauling logs and chopping wood. And he hasn't had to lie to a single person or keep a single secret to accomplish his tasks. It's all good, honest labor.
Unfortunately, the work is getting harder on him by the day. At the start of the month, all seems fine enough. But that ring in the shape of a skull jawbone on his finger is slowly but surely sapping that strength away from him. In the middle of pushing a wheelbarrow, he suddenly falls to his knees, out of breath and clammy with sweat so thick his hair is wet beneath his hat. It's fine, he tells himself. Get up. He has more work to do yet. But... maybe he should just rest for a moment, first.
...Just a moment.
B. Now I lay me down to sleep [cw: Be advised, this is directly following Ava's IC death]
He went out to lay beneath the stars with his wife. But now... now he's walking home alone. There's a bundle in his arms. The clothes she left behind. Still warm, but that warmth is fading. Like she faded.
Tears glisten in his eyes but he blinks them back. He has to stay strong. She will be a ghost. She might see. He doesn't want her to have to watch his anguish. Stiff upper lip. It will be all right. They knew the cost of freedom might be high. He let her pay it this time, but the next... and the next...
"I'll find a way," he says under his breath. "We'll stop this."
But, for now, there is nothing he can do but cross the short distance from field to the front door of their home, drift inside and... no, he doesn't think he can sleep tonight. Not alone. He resolves to go to the kettle instead, to brew something hot. He carries it back out to the front porch and sits heavily in one of the wooden rocking chairs. A matched set. Somehow that only makes him feel lonelier, watching the empty chair creak slightly in the breeze. On a night like this, he could use some company.
C. Wildcard Me
Can be next day, ghost shenanigans, etc. Just throw whatever at me, I'm game.
Where: Around town and on the farm
What: Various prompts for April
When: Currently before Flood, might add some for After Flood
Warnings: [cw: Talk about spousal death, illness, grief, depictions of chronic impending fatal illness]
A. Around the farm
Number 6 is finally starting to look the part out here on the farm. He found a pair of dungarees and work boots stowed away in the attic of their home and he's donned them now along with a wide-brimmed sunhat to protect his pale complexion from the worst of the sun's rays. It can only do so much, and as a result, his face has broken out in an explosion of freckles. Despite that and the sunburns, he's happy. His hands are covered in dirt from plowing the soil and his shirt is soaked from the sweaty work of hauling logs and chopping wood. And he hasn't had to lie to a single person or keep a single secret to accomplish his tasks. It's all good, honest labor.
Unfortunately, the work is getting harder on him by the day. At the start of the month, all seems fine enough. But that ring in the shape of a skull jawbone on his finger is slowly but surely sapping that strength away from him. In the middle of pushing a wheelbarrow, he suddenly falls to his knees, out of breath and clammy with sweat so thick his hair is wet beneath his hat. It's fine, he tells himself. Get up. He has more work to do yet. But... maybe he should just rest for a moment, first.
...Just a moment.
B. Now I lay me down to sleep [cw: Be advised, this is directly following Ava's IC death]
He went out to lay beneath the stars with his wife. But now... now he's walking home alone. There's a bundle in his arms. The clothes she left behind. Still warm, but that warmth is fading. Like she faded.
Tears glisten in his eyes but he blinks them back. He has to stay strong. She will be a ghost. She might see. He doesn't want her to have to watch his anguish. Stiff upper lip. It will be all right. They knew the cost of freedom might be high. He let her pay it this time, but the next... and the next...
"I'll find a way," he says under his breath. "We'll stop this."
But, for now, there is nothing he can do but cross the short distance from field to the front door of their home, drift inside and... no, he doesn't think he can sleep tonight. Not alone. He resolves to go to the kettle instead, to brew something hot. He carries it back out to the front porch and sits heavily in one of the wooden rocking chairs. A matched set. Somehow that only makes him feel lonelier, watching the empty chair creak slightly in the breeze. On a night like this, he could use some company.
C. Wildcard Me
Can be next day, ghost shenanigans, etc. Just throw whatever at me, I'm game.
no subject
"Yes, she is my weakness because I will let myself be exploited if it will help her. But, she is my source of strength, for I never would have survived all the trials I have faced without her at my side. Such is the duality of love."
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The wolf shakes itself and Valdis takes a moment to let Peter contemplate what her question might be.
It is said that there is no greater love than to lay down your life for those you love, but this seems silly to me. Wouldn't your loved ones prefer you lived?
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And, it is a tough one, isn't it?
"Of course, they would rather their loved one lives. Ideally, one wouldn't lay down their life if there was an alternative. But the thought of our most beloved dying, and that we might have to go on without them, can be so terrible that we might rather die ourselves and think it's a kindness or worthy sacrifice. I would think you'd know that mortals are rarely governed by logic when it comes to matters of the heart."
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As a being guided mainly by logic and trying to learn more about the heart, I think it's a fairly normal question to ask.
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"I worry it will frustrate you." He means that earnestly. "There is no single explanation. My own actions are motivated by logic and morals that could differ greatly from the next person you ask. In my case, it was my duty to lay my life down in the preservation of another. It was something I always expected might be asked of me. Therefore, I have been more prepared than most to meet that fate."
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Her morals also differ greatly from most humans, but that can't be helped as she isn't one and her experiences will never allow true understanding. Much as she may wish different, it's probably too late to change now.
But we both love Ava, albeit in different ways.
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"Yes. Of course, I do not doubt that you care deeply for her as a friend. Though, I think the last conversation the two of you had may require some smoothing over. Ava returned home very upset."
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As for her fight with Ava, Valdis feels Peter will understand her feelings no better than Ava, so she will dodge that line of conversation.
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"And do not think I haven't noticed you dodging my question. If you don't want to explain yourself, say so."
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You humans are always accusing me of not understanding, but few, if any, of you ever care to see my point of view, as if my thoughts, feelings and experiences, long as they are, don't matter. You all take and take and take, benefitting from my empathy and nature until I stand my ground. Then I am the problem.
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"I am sorry for making you feel this way. I would like to know more of your thoughts and experiences. I did not think you wanted to share them with me."
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When I arrived on the Eterna, I was a shell of my years. Every day on that ship new memories of my past would arrive in nightmare after nightmare. To recover your history while trying to survive in a place designed to make you and everyone around you suffer without losing your mind...I don't think very many could do it. Reconciling my many pasts...it was confusing, and painful, but I had to worry about all of you, every single moment. Your feelings. Your needs. Because if I didn't, I would only feel more pain.
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"It must have been a particular kind of hell for you to bear not only your own suffering but all of ours as well. And to be unable to do anything to stop it. That's why you made the suggestion you did to Ava, isn't it? You wanted to, at last, be able to do something about it?"
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It's why I chose to fight in the Village, and why I choose to fight now. I am far too powerful and proud to ever allow such things to happen again. Ava refused to listen. It was always her choice, but she would not even entertain an alternative.
Like Ava hadn't even broken free of the Eterna the way the rest of them had. Her stability had gone, her pain increased, and yet she refused to try something else.
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He sighs and then pulls the cursed ring from his pocket to show Valdis. It's tooled like the lower jawbone of a skeleton set on a thick silver band. "There was another reason, as well. Next month, I will be the one to carry that burden of suffering, and we needed to know how long it would last, and what to expect."
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As an old dog who has learned new tricks, one of which was to rely on others, I would hope Ava could also learn.
When he pulls out the ring, she rises and moves closer to examine it. Her hackles rise, but no growl forms in her throat.
That ring will only bring you both suffering, but better you than her.
[ooc: Way to say what you really feel, Valdis.]
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He chuffs softly in amusement. At least he always knows where he stands with her.
"On that we agree, but the current arrangement is to take turns. When I wear this, her illness becomes mine. If I remove it, the affliction returns to her."
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I don't like it, but that is between you two in the end.
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"Should I assume the offer you made to Ava was for her alone?"
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If the suffering gets to be too much, or Ava can't stand to see you in pain, all you have to do is ask.