ph_logs | I Was Looking for a Breath of Life

I Was Looking for a Breath of Life

Who: Valdis (

redlightgreenlight) & Open
What: Valdis wanders around Marrow Isle
When: April
Where: Various Locations on the Island
Warning(s):As needed

Oak & Iron | Open | CW: None

Things are going, but that’s about it. Her attempts to integrate herself into the community seems so much harder than she expected, perhaps because she’s not trying to play a role. It’s a balance, trying to find who she is outside of her past persona, outside of the Eterna, outside of Tiamat. She needs to gather allies, make new friends, and settle a life for herself. Valdis thought it would be easier to be happy.

As a result, she drops 50 brass on the bartop and flashes a smile at the next person who approaches. “Drinks all around!”

Around Town | Open | CW: None

Despite the demons that occasionally appear, her day patrols have been quiet enough that she checks in on the different businesses around town, saying hello to friends and acquaintances alike. Sometimes she’ll linger longer to discuss the recent happenings.

The night patrols are a little busier depending on if demons or those with ill intentions are around. Sometimes she runs into the Tristitia tormenting someone and has to drive the poor creature off. On this particular night, it is bothering someone, though she can’t quite make out who it is, she moves quickly to intercept.

Wildcard | Open
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"Whatever Tarantulas told him was intended to be as hurtful as possible. It isn't true, of course. I place no fault on Max at all. We both know he does not lie and so whatever reputation his words earn me is no fault but my own. But... I can see where he got the idea from, even before Tarantulas stoked those flames."

That interaction with Angel had been the start of it. Max would turn the blame on himself, wouldn't he? Erik should have said more that day, but Erin was watching and waiting for another reason to accost him. What was he supposed to do?

"I'm asking you to answer me truthfully; I know you won't spare my feelings. Do you think it is in Max's best interest to let him go on believing the lie? I, selfishly, do not want to lose my connection to him, but it's high time I started putting his interests in front of my own."

As much as she would like to tell Erik that it would be in Max's best interest to go on believing that Erik no longer cared for him, she knows that she would be the one lying.

"You should know Max well enough to divine the answer on your own." She replied. "So are you asking for my permission to speak with him, or do you really know nothing about him despite having him under your thumb for so many years."

Just because she can sense his sincerity doesn't mean he's not playing games.

"I want very badly to believe I do know him, but he has changed and grown so much. Do not pretend to me that it isn't so." There's a bitter regret in the core of him now, knowing that the Max he kept 'under his thumb' could never have flourished the way he has now.

"Still, yes, my instinct tells me that it would put him at ease to know the truth. I have heard the way he defends me to others, even here and now. I don't want him to think, after everything, that he meant nothing to me. That's all."

He reaches into the inner pocket of his suit and takes out a sealed envelope. "I'm not asking permission to approach him. I am still sworn against doing so. But I would like you to do me the favor of giving him this."

"He finally has confidence and knows what real love is, but he still cares about you, which is the only reason I entertain conversation with you instead of murder."

There are other reasons she won't kill Erik, such as her belief that he has also changed, but she knows he's afraid of her and she deeply appreciates that fear. Still, she has no desire to kill Erik. Not anymore.

"Very well, Lord Osborne, I will take him your letter. But someday, I will ask a favor of you and you will do it without complaint or question."

She may not be a demon, but she knows how to make deals.

"I am aware of that. The irony is not lost on me, you know. Now he's the one protecting me." Erik fully believes that if Max ever gives the word, he will be dead in an instant.

He has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Should have expected something like this. "Yes, all right. But I will not kill anyone for you without question. I don't do those kinds of favors."

Max would never give the word, and even if he did, she no longer sees a need. Fear is all she needs from Erik and any other enemies she may have.

Valdis arches a brow. "I'm an Angel of Death, Lord Osborne, I don't need help killing."

She holds her hand out for the letter.

"I'll give him the letter, but it's up to him to decide whether or not to read it."

"Of that, I am painfully aware." His hand goes to his chest, as if he can still feel where her claws had struck at his soul.

"Yes. It is," he answers as the letter passes into her hand. "That's why I chose to write him rather than call on him. I am trying to respect his wishes."

And yet he hasn't been spreading it around, though even if he did it wouldn't harm her among the people who matter most. Valdis' hand closes around the letter, though part of her wants to tear it to shreds, that side is biased and unhelpful. She will ensure the letter makes it to Max, for better or worse.

"I appreciate you giving him space."

Though it would be easier to hate him if he didn't.

"It's what he asked for."

Erik sucks in a long breath, debating if he should say what's on his mind.

"I didn't like having to keep him imprisoned. Yes, I liked having him in my home. I admit, I even liked having him mostly to myself. But, I didn't enjoy keeping him away from his friends and family. If I thought there could have been another way... I would have let him go back to them."

Edited 2024-04-30 03:04 (UTC)

Valdis shakes her head, trying to keep the sudden irritation in check.

"You always pick the most benign wrongs to apologize for." She replies. "It's always 'oh, they would have killed them so I had to protect him' or 'oh, I would have let him see his family if I could, but it would have endangered them all' when you know very well that neither he nor I take issue with those things."

Such a weak defense from an ever weaker man.

"You abused someone under your protection. You broke him down into a shell of himself and convinced him he liked it. You trained him like an animal, used him however you wanted and made him feel like the only happiness he would ever have was as an item for you and yours."

Despite the bite in her words, it doesn't yet exist in her voice. Not for long though, as it slowly creeps in as she continues.

"He craved affection, but felt he was unworthy of something real. He was so broken that he feared a day without seeing me meant I no longer loved him. He cried when I wanted to have my own feelings about a situation because your abuse made him think that I would abandon him. Myself and Ylva have spent over a year soothing him and loving him unconditionally, helping him grow and become strong enough to know his own worth. You made him feel worthless and you apologize for the only thing you did right instead of the immense harm you inflicted upon him. You are pathetic Lord Osborne."

Rage boils inside him hard enough that his teeth clench together painfully. But behind that comes a wave of more complicated emotions, self-disgust tangled in a desire to defend his actions. Regret lurks beneath that.

His jaw creaks as he works it loose again. "Yes. I trained him. I did. Not for the reasons you seem to think. It wasn't supposed to make him feel worthless. I didn't intend that..." But he won't accuse her of lying. If that is how Max felt then... he did fail. Badly.

"I beg you to tell this to no one else, most importantly of all Max, but I was in his place once. I was kept by a vampire when I was still a human. I thought I could condition Max, just enough, so that he wouldn't suffer the way I did. I meant for it to make his life easier to endure."

His rage means nothing, though his words...he's still in absolute denial. As if his intent actually mattered, and if that admission was meant to inspire sympathy, it does the exact opposite.

"So you suffered at the hands of another vampire and felt inflicting similar suffering on a human under your care was in his best interest." Her beautiful eyes are no longer green, but a glowing, deep, blood red. "Stop trying to justify your atrocities, Osborn, it's disgusting."

His voice raises along with another surge of anger. "I was trying to spare him the suffering that was inflicted on me. I failed him, and I inflicted different suffering instead, I am not trying to deny that. But do not tell me it was the same thing. You were not there to see it."

"No, I wasn't." Though there is no empathy or care in her tone. "But having suffered at the hands of another, you should have known better than to inflict any kind of suffering on Max. Nothing justifies or excuses what you did to him."

"Yes. I should have." The words come out strangled in grief.

"I should have. I'm sorry." This is the apology he still owes to Max yet here he is giving it to Valdis instead. He won't ask her to pass it on to him. Max is owed more than that.

"I am sorry. I cannot take back the things I've done to him. I know I cannot undo the damage I've done to his self-image. But, I do care for him. I want happiness for him. I know he cares for me too, or what Tarantulas said to him wouldn't have broken his heart so thoroughly.

"What is written in that letter is not just an explanation of everything that happened with Tarantulas and why, it is also an offer to resume a tentative relationship," he raises his finger quickly to emphasize this next part, "A strictly non-sexual and non-romantic relationship. I want us to talk. I want us to find where we stand with one another now. Avoidance will become awkward quickly. I do not want him to feel as if he cannot befriend people close to me for fear of our paths crossing. Knowing Max as you do, don't you agree that would be better?"

If he had stopped with wanting to know where they stood with one another, Erik might have had a chance to soothe her, but he had to switch back into a manipulative wording, trying to justify his reasons to make them logical instead of emotional, then trying to get her on his side.

"You don't know when to quit, do you?" she replies, tempted once again to shred the letter. "Don't try to manipulate your way back into his life. Wanting to reestablish an relationship based on emotion, I could understand that, but you had to go and ruin it by believing you had to logic your way back. Just like you tried to logic away responsibility for the pain you inflicted."

She carefully sets the letter down so she doesn't crumple it in her hand.

"Grow up, and stop digging that very very deep hole you're standing in."

Erik huffs in frustration, but it's turned more inward than at Valdis. "I am not. I really am not." As proof, he cuts himself off before he launches into yet another round of trying to justify or explain himself.

Truth. Can he just try the honest truth? Stop playing the game and be... real?

"I miss him, Valdis. I do not deserve him, I know, but I miss the brightness he brought to my life. How could I not? I am happy for him that he is free to choose for himself, but, yes, I admit that I am bitterly jealous of what you and he have. You're right, the rest is all excuses I tell myself but the real truth is that I miss his presence in my life and I want to find a way to build something back between us in whatever way he will have me. Because I miss him."

Valdis isn't moved by his admission, though she is pleased that he has finally told her something real. Erik doesn't deserve Max, but that's not up for her to decide.

"I will deliver your letter, but if Max chooses to not engage with you, you will respect his wishes, no matter how much it hurts."

Valdis has a feeling that Max will forgive Erik, he's much kinder than she could ever be. Perhaps that's why she loves him so much.

"Yes. I will. I've already promised as much and I do keep my promises."

He hopes that Max's big heart will still have room for him, but if that isn't so then... at least it was finally Max's own choice to make and not a circumstance created by Tarantulas or anyone else.

"Thank you." With that said, he turns to weave himself back into the crowd to resume his nightly hunt.

Valdis watches him go, then turns to the next person as if nothing has happened, casually picking up the letter and putting it into her vest.

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I Was Looking for a Breath of Life

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