what arms have lain under my head til morning? [mixed]

[tisnotthehouse]

Who: Tarantulas

What: This spider is about to have some real Bad Times. This is an top-level for everyone who would like to experience those Bad Times along with him.

When: Late February and March

Where: Open

Warning(s): Emotional manipulation and toxicity, people poorly coping with mental illness. Pregnancy, gore, and body horror. Further warnings TBD (4/7)

Comments

[tisnotthehouse]

Tarantulas hisses through his teeth.

"Obviously I do," he sneers. "River said the same thing, but I didn't understand what she meant then and I don't understand what you mean now. Did Annabel ever actually say whatever it was I said that she thought was so manipulative, or did she only talk about her feelings?"

[lordoftheozarks]

He takes a frustrated breath in. So, Tarantulas can't even get as far as admitting what he did to Annabel was wrong.

There's a sudden flash of anger at that last, however. "Her feelings are and were important, Tarantulas. If you cannot see that then I worry for what hope you really have. River cares about Annabel's feelings. And you should care about the things that River cares about."

[tisnotthehouse]

"I care about River," Tarantulas sneers. "That's the only reason I went to speak with Annabel at all. And I was perfectly civil to her, no matter what she claims to the contrary."

He crosses his arms again, fingertips beating out a rapid tattoo against his bicep. "All I did was explain to her what kind of relationship River and I had in the dream, and ask for her patience while River grieved. It seemed like a reasonable request -- I even thought she might be going through a similar experience, given that she was married to someone else in the dream as well. I was sympathetic -- but she didn't want to talk about it." He shrugs. "If that's all it took to make her feel insecure, then I'm sorry for River but I don't see how it's my responsibility."

[lordoftheozarks]

"Yes," Erik says in a sad tone of resignation. "I believe that you do care about River. And only River. But..." here come the semantics again, "did you care for her enough to honor the other people in her life? That was the reason River sent you to speak to each of us. That is the test you failed to pass. You are failing it still. It is your responsibility and it always would have been. It doesn't matter if you intended harm or not. Unintentional or not, you did make Annabel feel this way and if you loved River as much as you think you do, you would be setting aside your own pride now to make amends. To love River is to love, in some capacity, the people she loves by extension. Think on that, Tarantulas."

[tisnotthehouse]

Erik's sadness cuts more deeply than his anger, making Tarantulas's own frustration a slippery, tenuous thing, the energy suddenly difficult to sustain. "-- I care for you too," he says into the awkward silence that follows. "But Annabel -- who is she to me? I never knew her before this, I have no ties to her. Why should I --" He stumbles over the word, seeing the mistake but unable to avert it, "-- bother with her?"

He just wanted to be close to River. Why did she have to drag other people into it? But clearly that isn't the answer Erik is looking for. He presses his lips together, staring at the floor. "It's not fair," he says bitterly. "She put up with so much nonsense from that other version of me. Why am I cut off after a single mistake?"

[lordoftheozarks]

"I care for Annabel. She is a friend to me. She could have been a friend to you as well. River would have been your tie to her, one you should have embraced. That you couldn't be bothered told River all she needed to know. This River. This is the one you should be honoring. That you hold her against the woman of your shared dreams and find her lacking is further proof that this would never have worked. It is no single mistake that caused this, Tarantulas, it is your fundamental lack of respect for her as anything besides an object of your desire."

And now Erik finds himself at a crossroads of his own. It's horrifying to discover how deep this goes, how much further down in his estimations Tarantulas has fallen just over the course of this conversation. The temptation to walk away and wash his hands of this is strong. But he can remember being in a similar state. He remembers his mentor in London reaching out a hand to him, to teach. To help him grow. He was told that one day he would find someone who needed that hand, and on that day he would know what to do. Magnus, you were right.

"Tarantulas, I care for you too. I don't condone your actions, but I am not going to forsake you now when you most need a friend. But that is as far as we can be for the time being. Friends and confidants. And under one condition only. You must not ask me to be a go-between for you and River. I won't tell you of her and I won't pass messages to her. I am here independent of her."

[tisnotthehouse]

Tarantulas chews on his lip in irritation. "Then you can't report on me to her either," he snaps. "If she doesn't want anything to do with me, then it's only fair I shouldn't have anything to do with her."

He glares at Erik with hurt, red-rimmed eyes. "This won't last," he says bitterly. "It's only a matter of time before you decide to wash your hands of me too. And I'm not going to tie myself in knots to keep you, I'm busy." Erik, a confidant? Hah. If he had even the least notion what Tarantulas was doing, he'd try to stop him. But in this, at least, Tarantulas is still one step ahead. Nobody is going to stop him from getting what he wants, not this time.

Perhaps Erik also deserves a place on the list, if only Tarantulas can think of a sufficiently tender spot to land the blow...

heading to a wrap

[lordoftheozarks]

"I had not intended to report on you to her. That is only fair, of course." Better, really, to not put himself in the middle of this any more than he already has.

Erik looks into Tarantulas's eyes with pity. "That is for me to decide, if or until you tell me you want no more of me. Since you are busy, I will take my leave now. But I hope you will think on what I've said. I have only told you the truth, Tarantulas, as I see it. Do with it now what you will."

wrap! thanks for playing <333

[tisnotthehouse]

"I intend to," Tarantulas grumbles, and waves dismissively towards the door. "Go on, then. I'll see you later, I expect."

He'll have to keep an eye on Erik, after all, if he wishes to level the playing field.