you see me now, a veteran, of a thousand psychic wars [Open]

[thelatechrisfreeman]

Who: Chris Freeman & Anyone... perhaps even... YOU?
What: Did I hear you say that this is victory?
When: February and maybe March
Where: around town...
Warning: watch the comment titles

Thread starters in comments this time around. If you have an idea for Chris, feel free to top-level comment this entry with a wildcard :)

2/8: Reposted opener regarding Calloway's Curios for theresalwaystheview

2/12: Chris has a little breakdown, and Erik overhears lordoftheozarks

2/18: New prompt, open to all, regarding Chris being sick around the time of Merrymeet.

Comments

[thelatechrisfreeman]

"No, I'm not a woman. Nor a man." Chris says quietly, "Physically, I am both. Was born both. And I... don't want to choose one or the other. Do you know the term 'intersex' where you come from?"

[graphomaniac]

"Oh," says Lev/Lyubov, briefly self-conscious about rambling after what was clearly an important question, then, "oh. Yes, like, we do. Um. 'Tis a newer term, but like, I'm familiar."

They pause, drumming their fingers on their collarbone, then say, "as far as any of the adults thought, feh, there was no reason to doubt I'd grow up a man. But I'm not. Nu, like. Not entirely. I'm lavender to mine husband, a man like he is, nu? But to my khavrusa, I'm more a woman by choice, like she is. So like, I guess I didn't want to choose, either, when it became clear I could choose. But like, I suppose it's a little different?"

They bite their lip.

"I think I understand what thou mean'st, is all."

CW: talk of non-consensual surgical procedure

[thelatechrisfreeman]

Still quietly, Chris repeats, "'No reason to doubt I'd grow up a man'... my parents made sure. The doctors told them it was right, and I had all these surgeries, before I turned three... to make me look more like a male. Get rid of the ambiguity." There's a flash of anger in Chris's eyes, at the remembering. "Like I was a mistake."

Xey have to take a moment to breathe, to calm xemself. That little foray into their past is really off topic. Chris tries to bring it around by going back to the gender aspect:

"Gender shifts around for me, too. Though it doesn't seem to be based on the people I'm around? If that's the right impression I'm getting from your explanation of yourself. Sometimes I feel like a man, or a woman, but it never really lasts. Mostly I feel like both."

Chris breaks off to cough, and reaches for a cup on the small table beside the sofa. They pull up their mask, drink the water, clear their throat. And readjust the mask before speaking again.

"But you, uh, didn't explain about 'The Silver'. Like I said, I haven't heard that term before, but maybe if you explain what that is? I might know what you mean."

[above cw still relevant, but reference is oblique]

[graphomaniac]

"Oh," says Lev/Lyubov, briefly unable to think of anything to say. Something finally clicks in hir head, regarding all those memories of the time hir husband was called on to help with birth and the care of infants, how about one time out of ten, Lev/Lyubov would overhear him tell the mother, don't go to Vyuta with the child, and I'll make sure thy Rov's kind concerning the matter and it's not life-threatening, but anything they'll do on Vyuta could be.

"I'm sorry," sie says, and casts hir eyes down, letting Chris have a moment of privacy, to wrench xemself out of xer own Halls of Memory.

But it does sound like xer approach to gender isn't too far from Lev/Lyubov's own.

"Well, nu," sie says, "I'm always both, but like ... what I am to others, such is determined by what they are to me? Mine husband, he—" hir voice falters, briefly, but sie presses on, "I'd never be a woman to him, but I'm a woman to some of my friends, especially those who ... find themselves in certain circumstances."

Sie shrugs, feeling awkward suddenly—almost wishing sie had a better, clearer answer for a second. But then Chris asks about the Silver, and that, that is something sie's much more comfortable with.

"Well, like, the Silver," sie says, twirling hir hair out of the need to fidget with something while sie thinks. "The Silver is where dreams come from, and where souls pass through on death. And nu, you can go there. It lies beyond mirrors, and it's full of, ahem," sie pauses and looks at Chris, suddenly grinning as if talking about a favoured topic, "if I said shin-dalets, would'st thou understand? Or if I spoke of men of smokeless fire and women of bitter air, would'st thou know what I speak of?"

[thelatechrisfreeman]

"I don't know 'shin-dalets', but... the Silver sounds a bit like the Between, and a bit like the subtle realms beyond. I have, like, one foot in the living world and one in the Between because of the powers I have." Chris clears their throat, and then says, "The Between is a space between life and death, where the recently dead go before they're sorted into the afterlife they've earned. Or maybe the one they believe in. I didn't get much explained to me, so I'm still figuring it all out."

Beat.

"You know..." Chris observes, "other than the ears, you look a lot like you did in the dream. I figured the pretty was due to being an elf, but seems not."

[graphomaniac]

"It does sound very similar, nu?" Lev/Lyubov says, and they're about to launch into a digression about the afterlife when Chris compliments them.

They go bright red and cover their mouth, stifling a smile both shy and pleased.

"Uhm, thank'ee," they say and look up at Chris, eyes shining. "I won't insult thy taste with false modesty or like, pointing out my flaws."

Thou'rt not so bad thyself, they think but don't quite manage to say, not least because it feels back-handed, even if it's meant as a deliberate understatement.

"Uhm. It ... means a lot, like, from anyone, but means more from ... nu, someone. Who's like ... also worth complimenting."