Please state the nature of your medical emergency [Oct/Nov TL]

[lovinglefthand]

Who: First Aid (lovinglefthand)
What: post-TDM threads; settling in and meeting the neighbors
When: End of October and into November
Where: Marrow Island; Dr Winterbottom's Clinic, a toy store near you
Warning(s): Violence

Thread starters in comments below.

Smilin' Back [closed to Chris Freeman] (10/23)
Apple THIS! [closed to Erik Osborne] (10/25)

Comments

[lovinglefthand]

First Aid simply nods at the first point -- he knows Chris is right. Angsting over whether or not he'll get to go back at the end of all this is a waste of resources that would be better put to helping here -- and when Chris suddenly blushes and pulls back he tilts his head slightly and extends his own hand, resting it over theirs.

He's feeling a little calmer now. Holding hands would be...as long as it wouldn't be too personal...he would like it. It would help him feel better.

He sighs heavily. "There are a few other medics...Velocity, Ambulon...but they're." He resets his vocalizer, grumbling slightly. "They weren't programmed by Ratchet. I can't really overstate how famous he was, how much he was part of the...like, the Autobot institution. And the connotations aren't quite the same for us, but the fact that he created me...I think people got so caught up in the idea that I could continue his legacy that they never stopped to ask if that was even a good idea. I did it too, for a while. I thought I could keep part of him alive by filling his role." He shrugs. "The shine wore off really quickly."

[thelatechrisfreeman]

Chris takes First Aid's hand when its offered, without hesitation. They are glad that they didn't make things too weird.

After First Aid explains more about the other medics and the situation back home... Chris snorts out a humorless laugh.

"Oh, God... we're a pair," Chris says, shaking eir head, "both of us with our daddy issues."

[lovinglefthand]

First Aid twitches in shock. "I'm not --"

He locks up for a second as the penny drops.

"Oh my god," he groans, and then laughs helplessly, covering his visor with his other hand. "I do, holy shit. I have so many daddy issues. God. Why."

[thelatechrisfreeman]

"Because sons always feel the need to earn their father's love? Especially if the father isn't emotionally demonstrative." Chris sighs. They give First Aid's hand a squeeze, weak as it will probably feel (given squishy human and metal Cybertronian).

"I'm sure everybody expecting you to just be... Ratchet two-point-oh didn't help matters."

[lovinglefthand]

"New and improved, with a list of added features as long as your arm," First Aid adds dryly. He gently squeezes Chris's hand back; someday they'll get to the point in their lessons when they cover exactly how sensitive First Aid's hands are, and hopefully then Chris won't be get down on themselves for having squishy human hands. It's fine. First Aid can feel them just fine.

"Was your dad...um. I mean, if you'd like to tell me about him, it's okay," he says gently. Not wanting to pry but not wanting to shut Chris out, either.

[thelatechrisfreeman]

"I think my dad was confused about me. You know, all the physical differences. He... really did his best to shape me into a man. And some of it... wasn't so bad, but if I ever deviated from his ideas about masculinity he'd kind of freak out. I didn't really understand it until... well, until my parents and the doctors were talking me into the 'gynecomastia' procedure as a teenager." Chris glances away for a moment. "That's when I was finally told about being intersex. We... had a fraught relationship ever since."

There are more details Chris could go into. Their older brother trying to stand up for them, the hurtful things that their father said in that argument. But it's still too painful.

[lovinglefthand]

First Aid slides his arm around their shoulders, pulling them into another hug. "I'm sorry," he says quietly.

He doubts very much that Ratchet would have been upset if he'd turned out to be a femme. It's a mutation, but not one that carries any stigma among Autobots. But it would have been very strange, he thinks. Back when he came online, everyone still thought that the femmes left back on Cybertron had all died during the Long Sleep. It would have been one more thing that set him apart. And if he'd been the only femme among the Protectobots...ugh. He loves his brothers, truly he does, but integrating human social mores with their Autobot programming had come with a steep learning curve. He doesn't want to know what kind of nonsense Streetwise and Blades might have generated before they learned better.

"It's not our fault when people decide to build up big expectations of us in their own minds instead of getting in touch with our reality," he says dryly. "But it's truly a pain in the ass to deal with, isn't it?."

[thelatechrisfreeman]

Chris turns in, toward First Aid, with the hug and clings to him. They aren't sure that they can speak without losing control and crying, so they just nod rapidly in response to that question.

It's a pain indeed. It hurts, and it probably always will for Chris, at least on the unresolved tension and anger that lay between them and their dad. Detective David Freeman was a stubborn son-of-a-bitch who rarely ever gave ground and it used to drive Chris up a wall.

"I hope..." Chris stops, swallows down their tears, and starts again. "I hope that he was just scared for me. Even if he'd never admit it, that would be... the best of a list of really bad, stupid reasons to force me to conform."

[lovinglefthand]

First Aid rubs Chris's back, trying to be soft and comforting for them despite the differences in their bodies, their materials. It's one of those rare times when he's kind of sorry to be made of metal.

"I think that's probably the best you can do," he says softly. "If he's...gone --" And from the way Chris talks about him First Aid thinks their dad probably is gone in the permanent kind of way, whether he's actually died or not. "-- then if it helps to give him that little bit of credit, if it gives you closure...then go ahead and believe it. He's hurt you enough. Why give his memory any more opportunities?

[thelatechrisfreeman]

"He died. At the same time I did... someone targeted him. But the NYPD has never been able to figure out who." Chris presses their cheek against First Aid's plating, not caring in the moment that he's metal and not exactly soft. The comfort is still there. "Dad tried to save me. He tackled me to the ground when the shooting started. But we were both hit anyway... and we both died. But I'm the only one that came back."

[lovinglefthand]

"He wanted to protect you." Whose to say if, had he been asked, Detective Freeman might not have preferred this outcome? But that doesn't need to be said out loud. In fact First Aid isn't sure he needs to say any more at all. He keeps holding Chris, rubbing their back and making soothing noises. Trying to be solid and comforting for them while they le it out. Perhaps, for now, that will be enough.