ph_logs | Please state the nature of your medical emergency [Oct/Nov TL]

And First Aid is much too polite to force the door open any wider. He'll stick to verbal bullying until Erik lets him in.

"I'll check your vitals first," he says cheerfully. "That'll only take a minute or so, probably, since you're technically dead. And then I'll do some tests on your bodily fluids to check for antibodies or viral loads. I'll need a couple samples for that, of course." He takes a small graduated cup out of a comparment on his arm and shows it to Erik. "30 milliliters of your blood would suffice."

"I have no vitals. There is nothing to check." Erik says in exasperation. But he opens the doors anyways because it's becoming apparent that the quickest way to get peace is just get the damn thing over with.

"You are not going to find anything of the sort in my blood, either. It is not like a human's blood. It can heal wounds; it does not have the ability to contain...viral load or any other kind of infection."

"Then all I'm asking is for you to let me confirm that," First Aid says patiently as he steps through the door. "This is a matter of public health and safety. Surely you would like it to be clear and acknowledged that you bear no culpability, in the unfortunate event of an outbreak. Arguably I'll be doing you a favor by making your immunity a matter of record."

He pinches the space between his eyes, suggesting it may still be possible to give a vampire a headache. Fuck. This person knows how to play the politics game. He's right and that's infuriating.

"Not too public, I hope." He sighs and goes to the kitchen table to pull out a chair and sit. "Give me that cup and I'll give you your sample," he says tartly.

"Naturally your medical records will remain confidential," First Aid readily concedes with a small nod. "Unless I have your permission to release them, or releasing them is the only way to prevent imminent harm to your person. I should not like to see any of my patients hurt because of a basic misunderstanding."

He sets the cup down on the table in front of Erik. "It might amuse you to know that I insisted on being the one to come see you today," he points out. "Chris said they were planning to stab you as soon as you opened the door."

"I'm very capable of taking care of my own health and safety. Let me show you why." He bites deeply into his own thumb and holds it over the cup. Blood dribbles in but then stops almost as quickly. Erik holds out his thumb for First Aid to see. It's already healing.

"And I thought Chris liked me." He actually snorts something that could be a laugh. "They have the right idea." It's going to take forever to fill this cup with just a pricked finger, so he rips open his wrist and holds that over the cup instead. Even that won't stay a wound for very long.

"A greeting first would be nice, however."

"Was my greeting not sufficient?" First Aid teases him.

He kneels on the floor next to the table, leaning in a little so he can watch the way Erik's flesh knits back together in real time. Fascinating.

"Everyone is deserving of basic respect and dignity, no matter how recalcitrant they might be," he says softly. "It's my duty to serve this community, not injure it further. Or browbeat it into compliance."

"From Chris, I mean. Before they go stabbing me. It's common decency." He is awfully chill about the idea of getting stabbed.

"I can see that you take your duty seriously. I can't fault you for that. But it has been some centuries since I've had to concern myself with any health-related issues. And even when I was alive, I may only have seen a physician--and I use that description generously--perhaps thrice."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I spent a lot of time back home to trying to make regular health care more accessible to the disadvantaged. It's shameful that nobody showed up to help you earlier." For them, he means. Erik never did anything wrong in his life, probably.

"If you think of something later that I might be able to help you with, please do let me know. Even if it's outside my normal realm of expertise, I'll still do my best. I've already had to learn how to do a number of things that were entirely new to me."

"I cannot say that it would have done much good if I had seen one more regularly. Back then. Knowing what I know now, I believe medicine in the 10th century would not have done much to help. Possibly it would have done more harm." It was miraculous that he and his sister lived through it at all, being orphaned at such a young age.

"I very much doubt I will think of something, but I appreciate the sentiment. What sorts of new things have you learned?"

"I could have helped, if I'd been there," First Aid says quietly, propping his metal cheek up on one hand. "But that's neither here nor there, I suppose. If there even are Cybertronians on your Earth, clearly they haven't woken up yet."

His visor brightens slightly in response to the question, voice lilting in his version of a smile. "That would be violating patient confidentiality," he says, tapping his faceplate with a fingertip. "But I will say I've gotten the chance to expand my surgical repertoire since arriving here, for which I'm very grateful."

"You would have been a great help I'm sure." But history is what it is. And, to his knowledge, there are no creatures like him--no Cybertronians--in his own world.

"Oh, of course." At least he can rely on First Aid's discretion. "Hm. In that case, I may as well make something official. Once you test my blood and find it to be clean, and you will, perhaps there is another experiment you should run. As I said, my blood can heal wounds. When fresh, and applied topically to any injury, it will heal that with no trace. Not even a scar. Take that sample home with you and see if it will work once it coagulates. The only thing I advise against is ingesting it."

You never know. Earth has a lot of dormant volcanoes, after all. Any one of them might be concealing a crashed alien spaceship.

"Is that so?" His visor brightens slightly with interest. "Well, that will be an interesting experiment. May I have your permission to ask Chris Freeman to be my test subject? Or is there someone else you wanted to ask to fill the role?"

First Aid will also be testing it on his own self-repair systems, just to see what happens. But that data will be less useful for answering the question of whether Erik's blood can do as he claims when applied to a human.

"If Chris consents to your experiments then I have no trouble with it. I wouldn't offer if I thought it would cause harm." Besides, this won't be the first he and Chris have swapped fluids.

"It may be of particular note to them that my blood can heal even old scars. And you may do with that what you will."

As for non-organic beings? He really can't say what would happen. He can't get dents out of a car with his blood.

"Do make sure that they are in otherwise good health and fitness first, of course. I'm sure you will." Aggressively.

"Of course." First Aid is going to get Chris up to a health weight if it kills them both. "I appreciate your contribution. Is there anything else you'd like to tell me about your body? Any treatments I could provide in the event that you're injured?"

He doesn't need to know about your dick, Erik, unless that's somehow vital to your continued existence.

That he wants to tell? He didn't want to do any of this from the start. But, if they're doing this anyway, then...

"Unless I have been severely starved of blood, I am able to heal myself perfectly without assistance. I think you will find me to be one of your least frequent patients." Hint.

"Furthermore, I do not physically require sleep to be healthy but I do sometimes indulge in the custom. Should you come upon me looking like a corpse in repose I ask that you leave me be as that is simply my natural state while in slumber." Please do not attempt CPR.

(He's not even going to mention his dick for fear that First Aid might try to measure it.)

Excuse you, First Aid has read several very informative articles about sexual harassment in the workplace.

"Do you think you will require any assistance acquiring blood? I've overseen blood drives before, so I might be able to set something up for you if need be."

First Aid might have gotten into this conversation via manipulation, but now that they're having it he is full engaged. Doctor mode activated. He wants to help you Erik, why so stand-offish?

"I have been managing my own dietary needs just fine, thank you." Assuming he isn't given any black marks on his, as of now, exemplary record, he doesn't see that changing any time soon.

"Sir, I am over a thousand years old. I'm more than capable of handling my own affairs." Ego. It's always ego. "In fact, due to my advanced age, I am capable of subsisting off of no more blood than what you took from me. One sitting with one person a week can fulfil that and cause negligible harm to the population. I am careful."

"Ah. Of course, I apologize for implying otherwise." First Aid wilts slightly, as if only just now realizing that he might have behaving kind of offensively. He stands up from the table; the vial is nearly full anyway, so maybe he should start thinking about...you know. Leaving the vampire alone.

"I do appreciate your cooperation," he says earnestly. "And I'll try not to bother you further. It's just that public health is such an important issue, don't you think? Certainly not something to be approached lightly, or casually."

The apology pacifies him well enough. It's morning and he's pissy but he does realize this is being done in good faith.

"Yes, it is. I can see that you take your creed very seriously. I do find that admirable." It almost sounds like this is a wind up to a "but," however that never comes.

"I will endeavor to assist where I can in the spirit of cooperation. For better or for worse, this is my community, too."

"I'm sure we'll all be very grateful for any assistance you can provide, Lord Osborne. I know I will."

He takes a stopper and a handful of cotton batting out of the compartment in his arm, offering the latter to Erik with a small nod of his head. "Do you need any help -- oh. You do heal fast, don't you?"

The hole in his wrist is actually closing before First Aid's eyes. That is...truly amazing.

"Yes, you see?" he holds his wrist up to display it even better as the skin knits itself together. "There's hardly time for an infection to take root at all."

"So I see! Very impressive indeed!"

First Aid puts a stopper in the vial and carefully stows it away in one of his compartments before nodding to Erik. With a warm voice he says, "I suppose I'll leave you alone now, then. Thank you again for all your help. I'll let you know what the experiment results say, all right?"

"All right." He stands to see First Aid out. "I'll be interested to know your findings. Good day."

Please state the nature of your medical emergency [Oct/Nov TL]

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cw: blood, self-harm

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