[Sephiroth leaps back as well, spreading the wing on his back for balance and flight. He swipes at the monster from a higher angle before jumping back down.
It seems ridiculous to hold such a serious conversation while battling, but that isn't new to them either. He remembers times of doing that before, and also with Angeal and Genesis.]
... It ... wasn't just one thing. It was so many.... Realizing how thoroughly I had been abused all through my life ... believing I was a Cetra and they had been betrayed just as I had been ... thinking Jenova was my mother and that she had been mutilated by Shinra's experiments....
[His voice catches at that.]
That was the final straw, really. It's difficult to put into words how I idolized and worshiped my mother all through the years. I envisioned her as the perfect mother, always there for me, always protecting me ... even though in reality, there was no such parent who loved me that much. And I swore my undying loyalty to her.
Genesis drove a sword through my heart with his cruel words when I met him at Nibelheim. Then I read about the experiments that made me ... and I thought Jenova had been tortured for 25 years instead of dying as I'd been told. All of that weight on me ... caused me to snap. And when I did, Jenova used my vulnerability to make it so much worse. She wanted me to snap, to turn against everything. It was what she was good at, causing that to happen with people. And in my madness, I kept my vow of undying loyalty to her ... until I was finally purged of her influence and my insanity right before I ended up here. Only then did I finally see everything clearly. But by then it was too late. I had committed so many abominable sins ... unforgivable sins.
[He slashes at the monster again as it comes for them.]
And I can never forgive myself for any of them.
[To him, it doesn't matter that he was insane. He won't use that as an excuse. He feels he will always be in his own personal Hell with the grief and guilt.]
The only thing I can do now is try to learn how to use my powers and my vast knowledge for good. But it doesn't make up for anything. It doesn't take away anything. I have ... no real hope for redemption and healing for myself.
[He'd had a spark of it as he had tried to recover from the last several months, but felt too shattered from the past meeting with Zack to keep hold of it.]
no subject
It seems ridiculous to hold such a serious conversation while battling, but that isn't new to them either. He remembers times of doing that before, and also with Angeal and Genesis.]
... It ... wasn't just one thing. It was so many.... Realizing how thoroughly I had been abused all through my life ... believing I was a Cetra and they had been betrayed just as I had been ... thinking Jenova was my mother and that she had been mutilated by Shinra's experiments....
[His voice catches at that.]
That was the final straw, really. It's difficult to put into words how I idolized and worshiped my mother all through the years. I envisioned her as the perfect mother, always there for me, always protecting me ... even though in reality, there was no such parent who loved me that much. And I swore my undying loyalty to her.
Genesis drove a sword through my heart with his cruel words when I met him at Nibelheim. Then I read about the experiments that made me ... and I thought Jenova had been tortured for 25 years instead of dying as I'd been told. All of that weight on me ... caused me to snap. And when I did, Jenova used my vulnerability to make it so much worse. She wanted me to snap, to turn against everything. It was what she was good at, causing that to happen with people. And in my madness, I kept my vow of undying loyalty to her ... until I was finally purged of her influence and my insanity right before I ended up here. Only then did I finally see everything clearly. But by then it was too late. I had committed so many abominable sins ... unforgivable sins.
[He slashes at the monster again as it comes for them.]
And I can never forgive myself for any of them.
[To him, it doesn't matter that he was insane. He won't use that as an excuse. He feels he will always be in his own personal Hell with the grief and guilt.]
The only thing I can do now is try to learn how to use my powers and my vast knowledge for good. But it doesn't make up for anything. It doesn't take away anything. I have ... no real hope for redemption and healing for myself.
[He'd had a spark of it as he had tried to recover from the last several months, but felt too shattered from the past meeting with Zack to keep hold of it.]
I know I do not deserve it.