It's the same thought that brought him down at his birthday, and that he's kept running over in his mind like empty space from a lost tooth ever since. See Gilbert again and lose Siebren, or stay with Siebren and never see Gilbert again.
The worst part is that he knows what he'll choose, if and when the time comes. He's not sure he wants to be the person that makes that choice.
And that's if he gets to make the choice at all, with the track record of his life so far, George isn't sure he'll even have that.
"It speaks to how useful I've been to him. We met because his band needed money, and I had the reputation of wasting my family's money on boys, especially artists and musicians. Then I had to leave the country rather suddenly, and not long after he did too. There he begged me to help him, and I did. Every moment was spent looking over our shoulders, waiting for the fall.
"When we finally returned to England, years later, I'd been disowned, but graciously left enough money to buy a decent flat. We lived together because I asked him to, and he would've had to pay rent anywhere else. He was practical to a fault. I admired him for that, but I don't know if it was really benefiting either of us, in the end."
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It's the same thought that brought him down at his birthday, and that he's kept running over in his mind like empty space from a lost tooth ever since. See Gilbert again and lose Siebren, or stay with Siebren and never see Gilbert again.
The worst part is that he knows what he'll choose, if and when the time comes. He's not sure he wants to be the person that makes that choice.
And that's if he gets to make the choice at all, with the track record of his life so far, George isn't sure he'll even have that.
"It speaks to how useful I've been to him. We met because his band needed money, and I had the reputation of wasting my family's money on boys, especially artists and musicians. Then I had to leave the country rather suddenly, and not long after he did too. There he begged me to help him, and I did. Every moment was spent looking over our shoulders, waiting for the fall.
"When we finally returned to England, years later, I'd been disowned, but graciously left enough money to buy a decent flat. We lived together because I asked him to, and he would've had to pay rent anywhere else. He was practical to a fault. I admired him for that, but I don't know if it was really benefiting either of us, in the end."