He wants to say it but doesn't--because he's alone that way, too. The only one who seems to know the whole fucking system works, that if they don't fuck it up they can, they will all go back to survive.
He did. And he fucked it all up by caring about Co. The war pulled him back...
It feels kind of impossible not to listen to Jon. Holding up the tape, pushing the tape recorder closer, still fucking talking. Worst of all, still making sense.
New purpose...yeah, John tried that, too. At Sam's encouragement--tried to be something other than a soldier, be something more. That didn't work, either.
He hurt Sam. He'll hurt others--the further away he gets from people, the safer they are. The boys, Kitty, Laios...
That's what snaps him out of it--thinking about them. Not being there for them, being without them. Something happening to them because he's not there. No, maybe he can't let himself be part of the human race anymore--maybe he's lost that right--but he can still look out for it. Look out for good people who need him.
Shaking his head, he sniffs, scrubs a hand over his face--then takes the tape and a few deep breaths so his hands will stop shaking as he slides it into the player, shuts the lid, and pushes play.
no subject
He wants to say it but doesn't--because he's alone that way, too. The only one who seems to know the whole fucking system works, that if they don't fuck it up they can, they will all go back to survive.
He did. And he fucked it all up by caring about Co. The war pulled him back...
It feels kind of impossible not to listen to Jon. Holding up the tape, pushing the tape recorder closer, still fucking talking. Worst of all, still making sense.
New purpose...yeah, John tried that, too. At Sam's encouragement--tried to be something other than a soldier, be something more. That didn't work, either.
He hurt Sam. He'll hurt others--the further away he gets from people, the safer they are. The boys, Kitty, Laios...
That's what snaps him out of it--thinking about them. Not being there for them, being without them. Something happening to them because he's not there. No, maybe he can't let himself be part of the human race anymore--maybe he's lost that right--but he can still look out for it. Look out for good people who need him.
Shaking his head, he sniffs, scrubs a hand over his face--then takes the tape and a few deep breaths so his hands will stop shaking as he slides it into the player, shuts the lid, and pushes play.