It's a very good question, and at first it seems her answer is given by the way she keeps staring up at those distant stars. Tayrey never really wants to talk about any of this, but sometimes she feels she ought to, and Gaeta is a person she trusts. He won't minimise it. He won't tell her she's to blame.
'Agent Jean was talking about their own past,' she says, 'and using logic that reminded me of - of my captor. Back there. He was a monster. He kidnapped us because he could extract our energy through making us suffer.' She frowns. 'I know exactly how wildly out-of-sector that sounds, but I mean it completely literally, and I don't even know in hindsight how true it was but he believed it, he did it, and he didn't care, because we weren't people to him. We were fuel.'
Tayrey bites her lip, fixes her gaze on the brightest star she can see. 'He tried to convince us there was no way out. No hope. I never believed it but too many of them did. Collaborators, you know? People who wanted to tear me down because I would do whatever it took to be free. I remember one of them screaming in my face that I was nothing but fuel. That was - it was after I got out a distress call. I thought it would give the others hope, but it didn't, they just... turned on me. He'd convinced them that everything outside his prison ship was worse than being in it, but being inside it all I wanted to do was die, so.'
Finally she looks at him, and her eyes glisten with tears, but she keeps her voice low and steady. 'Some of those people are here. Citizen Mortanne couldn't have reached them if not for my beacon tearing a hole through that prison wall, I'm sure. But they still...' she trails off, not knowing how to express her fears. That she was still hated. That they still thought she was worthless and deserved the torment they'd put her through. That they'd harm her, given half a chance.
cw: imprisonment, suicidal ideation
'Agent Jean was talking about their own past,' she says, 'and using logic that reminded me of - of my captor. Back there. He was a monster. He kidnapped us because he could extract our energy through making us suffer.' She frowns. 'I know exactly how wildly out-of-sector that sounds, but I mean it completely literally, and I don't even know in hindsight how true it was but he believed it, he did it, and he didn't care, because we weren't people to him. We were fuel.'
Tayrey bites her lip, fixes her gaze on the brightest star she can see. 'He tried to convince us there was no way out. No hope. I never believed it but too many of them did. Collaborators, you know? People who wanted to tear me down because I would do whatever it took to be free. I remember one of them screaming in my face that I was nothing but fuel. That was - it was after I got out a distress call. I thought it would give the others hope, but it didn't, they just... turned on me. He'd convinced them that everything outside his prison ship was worse than being in it, but being inside it all I wanted to do was die, so.'
Finally she looks at him, and her eyes glisten with tears, but she keeps her voice low and steady. 'Some of those people are here. Citizen Mortanne couldn't have reached them if not for my beacon tearing a hole through that prison wall, I'm sure. But they still...' she trails off, not knowing how to express her fears. That she was still hated. That they still thought she was worthless and deserved the torment they'd put her through. That they'd harm her, given half a chance.