John snickers, and manages not to flinch at the gentle contact. It's one thing when he's doing the touching, he knows it's coming and can modulate it--linger if he's okay, pull back if it's too much. Plus, he's expecting it when he does it.
Slower touches are easier--again, he can expect it, brace for it, escape it without hurting anyone if it's too much and, before he accepted the lack of it, go back for more when he was ready.
The jostle of Hawkeye's shoulder--he remembers, mostly, when it was warm and bright and comforting, banishing the chill. Now, after longer still without, it's still warm and bright but nerves unaccustomed to pressure and heat and connection anymore light up with burn instead of warmth and shock instead of bright. Coals on flesh, electrocution.
It's not unpleasant, it's just too much. But he rides out that split second shock and breathes as the cold ache settles back into that background noise he's used to, soothing the sensation away.
"I remembered, yeah." John assures him, leaning against a chair at one of the nearby tables for a second as he folds his arms comfortably. "Not super clear, but it was all there--but as time passed, some of it got fuzzy, like a dream? And I did lose some stuff, like that whole shared dream thing and some stuff--day here, hours there--around...well, a dust up I had with a buddy of mine."
CW: depersonalization/touch starvation
Slower touches are easier--again, he can expect it, brace for it, escape it without hurting anyone if it's too much and, before he accepted the lack of it, go back for more when he was ready.
The jostle of Hawkeye's shoulder--he remembers, mostly, when it was warm and bright and comforting, banishing the chill. Now, after longer still without, it's still warm and bright but nerves unaccustomed to pressure and heat and connection anymore light up with burn instead of warmth and shock instead of bright. Coals on flesh, electrocution.
It's not unpleasant, it's just too much. But he rides out that split second shock and breathes as the cold ache settles back into that background noise he's used to, soothing the sensation away.
"I remembered, yeah." John assures him, leaning against a chair at one of the nearby tables for a second as he folds his arms comfortably. "Not super clear, but it was all there--but as time passed, some of it got fuzzy, like a dream? And I did lose some stuff, like that whole shared dream thing and some stuff--day here, hours there--around...well, a dust up I had with a buddy of mine."