Gently, so gently, Erin takes Valdis's hands. "I never wanted that," she murmurs. "Asking anyone to be my rock is...insane. No one could ever do that, I have to figure my own shit out. I. Valdis...I don't want you as my minder or a guard dog or even a queen. I just. When it mattered most, I let you in, and it hurt when I wasn't let in too. That's." She swallows, hard. Wrenches her head away to shake it violently. "That's all."