John looks up abruptly after Eddie speaks, freezing in the middle of brushing some sawdust off his hands.
Boyfriend?…
John’s heart is racing. He’s not…he can’t…
John’s heart is racing. He feels his cheeks get warm, even though the blood drains from his face as his mouth works with no sound escaping it.
He can’t think. He can’t speak. He can only hear the pointed comments from his father about being a man and being social and how they stopped with John’s first girlfriend. It wasn’t hard, he liked girls…
He can only feel himself failing to curb his affection for Delmar, and the comfort that came from the friendship they formed instead. He can only hear Danforth…screaming…
And Eddie just said it out loud like it was normal.
Afraid Eddie might mistake his confusion, pain, and fear for rejection or worse, revulsion, John hastily ducks his head as his eyes begin to burn.
CW: outdated views on queerness, references to PTSD
Boyfriend?…
John’s heart is racing. He’s not…he can’t…
John’s heart is racing. He feels his cheeks get warm, even though the blood drains from his face as his mouth works with no sound escaping it.
He can’t think. He can’t speak. He can only hear the pointed comments from his father about being a man and being social and how they stopped with John’s first girlfriend. It wasn’t hard, he liked girls…
He can only feel himself failing to curb his affection for Delmar, and the comfort that came from the friendship they formed instead. He can only hear Danforth…screaming…
And Eddie just said it out loud like it was normal.
Afraid Eddie might mistake his confusion, pain, and fear for rejection or worse, revulsion, John hastily ducks his head as his eyes begin to burn.
“I…oh. That’s…tha—that’s nice.”